Forever and A Day
by the universe in her eyes
Summary: Sequel to "To Love A Girl". It could be handy to read that one first, but it's not necessary. Jane, Maura, Frost and the others, ten years after graduating high school. Original cases, family dramas, lots of fluff ... you name it and it's in here.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: For everything leading into this story, check out my other story " _To Love a Girl_." Just reading the epilogue might already answer some of your questions. I hope you grow to love this like the other story, and grow with Jane and Maura the same way I do when I write them.**

 **Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews on the last chapter of TLAG. Monica, I'm glad my story was worth staying up for (till 4.30, are you insane), katie1370, thanks for your kind words! And Guest ... I'm back.**

 **Happy reading.**

* * *

A cold October wind makes the hairs on Jane's arms stand up. She zips her coat all the way up to her neck and buries her hands in her pockets, the tips of her fingers already numb.

"What the hell," she complains, kicking a small stone to the edge of the sidewalk. "October isn't supposed to be this cold."

Frost chuckles. He lifts the police tape so they can walk towards the crime scene, to which they got called in half an hour ago. "Wait until December comes around."

The brunette huffs, not excited. She wants to respond, but an officer walks past them, face white as a sheet. Jane frowns and stops him, because she knows him from the academy.

"You okay, Bren?" she asks.

He nods. "Yeah. Just be prepared. It's not exactly how you'd want to start off your day."

"Why?" Frost asks, already feeling sick. Although he still throws up regularly at the sight of a body, he's getting better at keeping it under control.

The officer shakes his head, as if he's trying to forget what he has just seen.

"It's a kid."

..

..

Two hours later, Jane finds herself sitting on one of Maura's empty morgue tables, a cup of coffee in her hands to try and get some feeling back in her fingers. A white sheet covers a body that's way too small, and she wonders very briefly why she chose to do this job. It's cases like these that always make all of them question what's wrong with the world.

"I'm going to start now, Jane, okay?"

Her wife's voice pulls her from her thoughts. She immediately feels annoyed at the blonde's tone, which is too caring and too worried for the brunette's liking.

"Don't do that, Maura," she warns.

"What?" the blonde asks innocently, although she knows exactly what the brunette means. She's just worried about her detective, who's already too wrapped up in this case. And they're only a few hours in.

"You know what. Just go on with it," Jane replies, rolling her shoulders.

Maura turns away from her wife, towards the small body. She takes a breath to steady herself before pressing the button on her voice recorder and starting the Y-incision. Jane is silent, letting the blonde do her job.

They have been together for nearly ten years, if you don't count the ten months they spend apart, and Jane can tell by the crease in her wife's eyebrow that she's having trouble with this case as well. Although Maura is usually objective, Jane has rubbed off on her, and she feels the brunette's anger and indignation running through her own veins. She takes another breath and starts talking.

"The victim is a young boy, approximately six years old, who was found in an alley on the Fenway side of Boylston street. I see a single gunshot wound to the chest, based on the impact and internal damage I would say the gunshot instantly killed him. There don't appear to be any other gunshot wounds, although there is sufficient evidence of physical trauma."

Out the corner of her eye, she sees Jane clench her fists.

"I see at least two broken ribs and multiple hematoma's. Confirmation on the broken ribs will follow shortly."

She switches the recorder off and continues working in silence. The brunette does not interrupt her, although Maura sees her look away when she takes out the boy's heart. She knows Jane well enough to not comment on it again, and she focuses on her task again.

Then Jane's phone suddenly rings, breaking the silence of the nearly empty morgue. The brunette tenses up at the sound. "No, I'm fine," she immediately says, noticing Maura's worried look. "I just wasn't expecting it." She grabs her phone from her belt, seeing the caller's ID. She groans.

"Yes, Ma."

Maura smiles before turning back around and jotting down some things on her notepad. Angela always manages to annoy her daughter, even before she's said anything. She cannot make out what Jane's mother is saying, but Angela's voice is loud enough to know that she's yelling. Maura waits for Jane to answer, curious what this conversation is about.

"No, Ma, I can't!" the brunette automatically raises her voice as well. Maura lifts her hand to let her wife know that she's yelling way too loud, but the brunette waves it away. "I have work to do. I can't just drop everything and walk out to help Tommy with some shitty job outside of the city!"

The blonde's smile falters slightly. Jane's youngest brother has been bouncing from job to job for years, with colleagues neither Jane nor Maura trust. Today, he's supposed to be at a moving job just outside of Boston. She catches a few of the words Angela's yelling at her wife, and she sighs.

 _"... never there ..., having a hard time ...your little brother!"_

"My little brother has to sort out his own stuff. He's 23, I can't babysit him forever!"

Angela answers something Maura can't understand from where she's standing. She supposes it's better she doesn't.

Jane's mother now lives in Maura's guest house. She sold the house they lived in when Frank died five years ago, because she simply couldn't afford it anymore. She lived in a small apartment at first, because Maura didn't have any contact with the Rizzoli's after she and Jane broke up. When the brunette and her got back together, she opted that Angela could live in her guest house. After some protests from Jane, the brunette eventually agreed, and now Angela comes over for coffee once in a while.

Jane's mother works in the café at Headquarters, serving breakfast, lunch and dinner for the police officers and detectives. She regularly drops by on Jane's floor without asking, and although the brunette pretends she doesn't like it, Maura knows that she secretly loves her nosy mother for always bringing her food.

Frankie now shares an apartment with a friend from the Academy, although Jane doesn't even know what that friend looks like. Frankie's in the drug unit, and they've had a very successful year with more solved cases than any other team in the country. She's proud of him, although she's too proud herself to say it to him. But he knows.

After a lot more yelling on the other side of the line, Jane gets the chance to answer.

"No Ma, I'm not going. Call me back later, when I've finished working. Bye."

The brunette disconnects and puts her phone back on her belt. "Sorry," she mumbles, jumping off the table she'd been sitting on. "I'll leave you to it."

"Jane."

The brunette looks back at her wife, hand already on the door knob. "Mmhm?"

"Nothing. I'll text you the results from ballistics as soon as I have them, okay?"

"Sure, Maur. Love you."

"I love you too."

..

..

When Jane enters the bullpen, their boss is just starting his speech. Everyone is gathered around him, and she looks for Frost. He puts his hand up, because he sees she's looking, and she smiles gratefully before silently making his way over to him.

"I want every officer, detective and sergeant in the building working this case," Cavanaugh starts. "We have a child laying on a morgue table, somewhere he shouldn't have ended up in the first place. This case needs to be solved. Drop everything else, unless it's absolutely necessary to continue working on it. If you're not sure, my door is always open. Now get to work, there's a lot to do."

When he finished, the crowd immediately starts mumbling. The first officers walk out of the bullpen, going to their own floors and workplaces. Jane turns around as well, making her way through the crowd to get to her own desk.

"Rizzoli?"

She turns around and there's her boss, Cavanaugh, looking at her.

"Sir."

"I want a first report on my desk in two hours. We have press waiting outside for a statement. If we don't get this bastard before he kills another boy, they will destroy us."

"Yes, Sir. Two hours. Got it."

Frost is already sitting behind his computer when Jane lets herself fall onto her office chair. She runs her hand through her hair, which she forgot to comb this morning, so it's all tangled.

"Where's Korsak?" Jane asks, noticing his empty desk. Their sergeant is usually here.

"He went downstairs to get lunch," Frost answers. "Said he'd be back in twenty. Okay, so what have we got?"

Jane sighs before pushing herself and her chair over to his desk. He moves a bit to the right so she has space to sit.

"An unidentified boy, Maura said he's approximately six years old. He was left in an alley on Boylston. We'll probably know his name soon enough, Maura's running tests now," Jane says. "He was killed somewhere else, because as you know there wasn't much blood on the scene," she continues. "Who does this?"

Frost shakes his head. "We'll know soon enough. Hopefully"

Jane rolls back to her own desk, starting her computer. "Lets find murders with the same MO. Time span of, what, five years?"

"Sure. Otherwise just narrow or widen the search," her partner says from behind his screen, already focused on his task.

They work in silence for a while, until Jane's phone pings. She picks it up, reading the text message.

"Maura's coming," she says, putting her phone back down on her desk. "She's got a name."

And indeed, the blonde doctor enters the bullpen not even three minutes after sending her text.

"His name is Charlie Hearts," she says, and Frost starts typing immediately. "And I got the results from ballistics, I told them it was urgent. It's a 9mm."

"Great," Jane groans. "The most common caliber in the US."

"I'm doing what I can, Jane," Maura says, a little annoyed at her wife's tone.

The brunette looks at her, a silent apology in her eyes. "Sorry, Maur. I just hate it when it's a kid." The blonde doesn't get a chance to respond, because Frost lifts his hand.

"Got him. Charlie Hearts, six years old, lives in Fenway. His parents reported him missing on Monday evening, when he hadn't returned home from school."

"Why would you let a six year old walk home from school all by himself?" Jane wonders out loud.

Frost's fingers fly over his computer keys, and it doesn't take long for him to have the answer. "His house is two blocks from his high school. Barely a three-minute walk."

Jane's eyes flicker to Maura's before settling on Frost again. "Then we have someone who either knows this kid very well, or has been stalking him for long enough to know the time he leaves school and the route he takes," she concludes. "Sorry, when did he go missing?"

"Monday," Frost repeats.

"Today's .. Thursday. He was killed and dumped this night, Maura?" the brunette asks, looking at her wife.

The blonde nods, confirming.

"So whoever took him had two full days with him before he killed him," Jane states. "Monday evening to Wednesday evening."

"Jane?" Maura interrupts, and the brunette can tell by the look on her wife's face that what she's about to say isn't good news. "That's all I found. No signs of rape or any other form of abuse. It looks like the murderer didn't intend on hurting him."

"Yeah, besides the bullet that was put in his chest," Jane mumbles. "Well," she breathes, glancing at Frost. "At least I've got enough for a first report. Thanks, Maur."

Maura smiles shortly, already turning around to go back to the elevator. "I'll bring lunch up for you."

"Don't bother," the brunette says. "After I've finished this, we have to go tell Charlie's parents."

The blonde sighs. "Good luck, both of you. Come downstairs when you get back, Jane?"

Jane nods. Frost buries his head in his hands.

This is definitely the worst part of their job.

..

..

When Frost rings the door bell, the brunette sighs deeply.

"Do you want me to talk?" she says, looking at him. She can read the answer in his eyes.

Finally, the door opens, and a long, blonde woman is standing in the doorway. Her eyes are red and her hair is wild, as if she hasn't done anything about it the past few days. If that were the case, Jane wouldn't blame her. "Are you from the police? Have you found Charlie?" she says, a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

"Miss Hearts?" the brunette starts. "Could we come inside for a moment?"

"Oh, yes, of course," she stammers, letting them in. "Roy! The police are here!"

She leads them into the living room, quickly joined by a man who must be Charlie's father. He looks just as miserable as his wife.

"Mr and Mrs Hearts," Frost takes the lead, surprising the brunette, although it's not unwelcome. "This morning we were called to a scene on Boylston Street," he starts, carefully avoiding the word 'crime'. "We found a young boy-"

"No!" The woman puts her hand over her mouth. "No no no, please. Not my son. Roy?" She looks up at her husband, as if there's anything he can do to turn back time.

"After a few tests, we are very sorry to say that boy is indeed your son, Charlie," Frost finished, sighing when the woman in front of them turns into her husband, the sounds of crying muffled by his sweater. Mr Hearts has tears rolling down his cheeks as well, and he shakes his head.

"Please tell me that's not true," he tries, voice hoarse. "Please. My family."

Jane swallows. Things like this still get to her. "I'm very sorry for your loss, Mr and Mrs Hearts," she says. "We will be doing everything we possibly can to find whoever's behind this. We need to interview the both of you separately. That's just a procedure, no one's in trouble," she assures. "But that can wait until tomorrow morning, we understand the situation you're in. Could you try to be at the police station around nine AM?"

"Yes ... yes, of course," Roy answers, absentmindedly rubbing his wife's back. She's still shaking with grief, her face buried in his sweater.

"Is there anyone you can call to keep you company while the investigation is ongoing?" Frost asks, motioning at Roy and his wife. "Um, my friend and his partner? They live a couple of miles away," he suggests, more to his wife than to them. She seems to nod, and that's enough confirmation for him.

They shake hands and Roy lets them out, while his wife gets up to get tissues.

"Shit man, it's even worse when it's a kid," Frost says when they're back on the street.

Jane looks at her phone, reading a text from Maura.

"Maura's gone home early. She finished the autopsy and is writing the report at home," Jane says, unlocking her car.

Frost walks over to the other side. "Drop me off at the station and go home early as well, Jane," he says, although the brunette is already coming up with a reason not to. "No," he continues. "There's nothing else you can do now. You handed Cavanaugh the report, the interviews aren't until tomorrow morning. It's four fifteen, go home early and have a break before we start figuring this out tomorrow."

Jane cannot come up with anything to say.

"Fine," she huffs, although the little smile tells Frost that she appreciates him.

They drive back to Headquarters in silence, both too wrapped up in their own thoughts. Jane stops the car in front of the entrance, letting Frost out.

"HQ at nine tomorrow?" Frost says, getting out of the car.

She nods, confirming.

"I'll tell Korsak," he says, pulling his coat tighter around himself.

"Thanks, Frost. I mean, you know?" she tries.

"I know, Jane. No problem."

..

..

Maura's working on her report when the door opens, and the sound of Jane's boots on the hardwood floor makes her smile and look up. Her wife is home.

She watches the detective leave bit by bit when Jane puts her service weapon and her belt in the locker in the hallway, and she turns into the woman Maura knows better than anyone else.

"Hey," Jane says, pulling her hair into a ponytail before wrapping a hair tie around the brown curls.

"Hi," Maura replies, getting up from her chair to wrap her wife into a hug. The brunette leans into her, already tired, although the case has hardly begun.

"Okay?" the blonde asks softly, putting her head on Jane's chest.

"Mhm," Jane mumbles, and it could either be confirmation or denial. Maura wants to ask, but refrains from doing so. It's not the right moment.

"I love you," she offers. For that moment, this the right thing to say. She feels Jane smile before she's pulled into a kiss. A soft, gentle kiss that leaves her a little hazy.

Jane holds on to her for a little while, simply looking into hazel eyes.

"How long until you've finished the report?" she asks, teeth worrying her bottom lip.

Maura smiles. "Why?"

"I was hoping we could order pizza and watch a movie?" Jane asks, sounding hopeful. "It might take a while until we get the chance to do that again after tonight."

Maura pulls back to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling at her wife's excitement.

"Fifteen minutes. You think you can wait that long?" she teases gently, letting go of the brunette so she can go back and finish her report.

Jane pretends to huff, the heaviness of the new case disappearing for a moment. She loves this about Maura. The blonde seems to know exactly what she needs, and she's eternally grateful for it. Jane walks towards the kitchen, opening the fridge to see if there's anything in there.

"Fine," she replies. "But only if I get to pick the movie."

Maura smiles from behind her laptop.

"You got it."

* * *

 **We might as well jump right in. Thanks for coming back.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A week! That wasn't so long, was it... I hope not. Next upload may take a bit longer, I have loads of work to do for college.**  
 **Thank you for coming back and leaving such sweet reviews. I cannot wait to hear from you all again.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

"Hey, Jane," Frost and Korsak greet her when she enters the bullpen. They're already sitting behind their desks.

"Morning," she replies, shrugging off her coat. "Are Charlie's parents in already?"

"No, not yet," Frost rolls his chair back so he can stretch. "I was just talking about it with Korsak. Do we want them in the same room or in separate ones?"

The brunette thinks for a bit. "We could start with the both of them in the same room for now. They're not suspects yet. Korsak?"

"Yeah, I was thinking the same. If there's anything in particular we could always interview one of them after," he replies, taking a sip of his coffee. He laughs when he notices Jane's frown after seeing the cup. "Yes, there's coffee for you too. Next to your computer."

"Ah," she says, smiling. "You had me worried there."

She sits down on her chair, rubbing her eyes. She slept surprisingly well last night, despite everything that's going on. Maura and her watched a movie after the blonde had finished her report and they went to bed around ten, both exhausted. They'd talked for a bit until Maura curled herself into Jane and fell asleep within minutes. It didn't take long for the brunette to fall asleep as well.

Frost's phone on his desk rings and he picks it up, listening to the voice on the other side of the line.

"Yes, that's for us. Send them up."

"They're here?" Jane asks.

He nods. "Interrogation four is free. We'll take them there first."

..

..

"Mr and Mrs Hearts," the brunette starts. Frost and her are sitting across Charlie's parents, both of whom have red rimmed eyes from crying. "How are you doing?"

"Under the circumstances, we're okay," Charlie's mother answers, although her voice shakes. She takes a sip from her water.

"Once again, we're very sorry for your loss," Jane says. "I hope you understand why we're interviewing you. It's simply-"

"Part of the procedure, we know," the father interrupts. "I'm a lawyer."

Jane looks at Frost, first because she's annoyed at Roy's interruption, but then because she realizes this could be a possible lead.

"Is there anyone who could want to hurt you or your family because of a case you've been on?"

He thinks for a bit, and his wife offers some names, but he shakes his head.

"No one I can think of. I don't treat cases with children, I usually represent companies."

"It doesn't have to be a case that's related to a child," Jane offers. "It could be anyone who wants revenge for a case they've lost from you."

He looks down at his hands, but he doesn't come up with a reply.

"What do you do for a living?" Jane asks Charlie's mother.

"I work for a marketing agency. We develop marketing strategies for companies."

Jane nods. She feels like that couldn't be a lead, although they'll probably look into it later anyways.

Frost looks at the husband again. "We will need a list of anyone you've represented or worked with that you believe could be a potential thread," he says, dropping the work subject for now. They'll continue with that after they've gotten the list from Roy. "Were you at home when Charlie was supposed to come home from school?"

Both of them shake their heads.

"No, we were both working," Charlie's mother replies. "Our babysitter called us when Charlie still wasn't back home at five."

"You have a babysitter?" Jane asks, grabbing her notepad and a pen. "Can you tell me a little more about him or her?"

"Her name is Samantha Brown," Charlie's mother says. "She's nineteen, and she's been taking care of Charlie for over a year. She studies at Boston University and doesn't have lots of classes, so she's a perfect match for us. She's always looking after Charlie when we're not home. You can trust her, she doesn't have anything to do with this. She can't have."

"We will look into it, ma'am," Frost says. "Have you got her phone number? We would like to talk to her as well."

..

..

"I called them when Charlie didn't come home. He's supposed to be home around four, but it was nearly five and he wasn't home yet."

The girl sitting across them looks young, but her ID says she's indeed nineteen years old. She has light blonde hair and blue eyes, which look a little red from crying. She must be terrified of what they're going to say to her, Jane thinks. If she'd been the one sitting there, she'd sure as hell be scared.

"What did you do after that?" Frost asks.

"Charlie's mother told me she'd come home immediately. I promised to stay put, in case Charlie suddenly turned up."

Frost nods. It doesn't look like this girl has anything to do with it.

"I'm supposed to take care of him," Samantha's voice trembles, and she wipes a tear away. "It's my fault."

Jane shakes her head and she holds out her hand, waiting until the girl in front of her takes it.

"None of this is your fault, okay? You did your job, you were at home waiting for him. There's nothing you could've done to prevent this."

"I could have picked him up from school," she replies tearily. "If I'd just done that ..."

Jane squeezes her hand. "Honey. He always walks home by himself. It's just three minutes. I see why you and his parents have agreed to him walking by himself. It's not supposed to be dangerous. Whoever did this is very, very smart and observant. It's not your fault."

Samantha sniffs.

"Thank you."

..

..

"Well, fuck," Frost swears, putting his hands up in defense when Korsak shoots him a look of disapproval.

"What?" Jane looks at him over the screen of her computer.

"Roy's list of clients hasn't brought up anything potentially interesting for us. All his clients are indeed related to companies, and everyone looks clean. The babysitter probably didn't do it, although we still have to check her alibi. I'll call both Charlie's father and mother's boss, but if they confirm they were at work when he disappeared ..."

"We're back to square one," Jane fills in. "Okay, if you call Roy's office, I'll call his wife's."

When both Jane and Frost are on the phone, Maura walks in with a file. She mouths 'hey' to the both of them before handing the file to Korsak, whose expression hardens at the information in there. Jane sees them talk, but she's too focused on the woman on the phone to hear what it's about.

"Okay. She left at 5:01PM?" Jane asks, confirming. It's in line with the information she got from Samantha, who called Charlie's mother just before five PM. "And you're sure she didn't leave between four and five?"

She writes it down before thanking the woman, and she disconnects at the same time as Frost.

"Nothing," they say in unison. If this wasn't so frustrating, they'd laugh.

"Guys, Dr. Isles has more information," Korsak interrupts. The blonde steps forward, clearly not excited for what she's about to say.

"So, yesterday I had to work quickly, because Cavanaugh wanted a first report. I stated some things, but I couldn't conclusively say-"

Jane clears her throat. "Maur."

"Oh, yes, sorry," the blonde apologizes, realizing that she's rambling. "Charlie has two broken ribs, most likely obtained from a hard punch. Whoever did this has to be a grown man, or a very strong woman."

Out of the corner of her eye, the brunette notices that Frost is writing down everything her wife says, in case she says something useful that's not in the report. There have been several times when Maura was the one to generate a lead for them, even if it wasn't intentional.

"The hematoma's on his arms are likely caused from a hard grip, like this," Maura walks towards Jane and wraps one hand around her wife's upper arm, but doesn't squeeze hard enough to hurt her. "And the fibers I found around his mouth, wrists and ankles are from polyethylene, a chemical that's used in duct tape. Other than that, he hasn't sustained any injuries apart from the gun shot wound."

"Don't you think it's a bit weird?" Frost asks when Maura finishes. "Someone abducts a young boy, but it doesn't seem like he or she intended on physically hurting him or using him for ... god knows what. And then, after two days, they kill him? What's that good for?"

"I don't really get it either," Jane answers. "Anyway, thanks, Maur." She squeezes her wife's hand and the blonde smiles shortly, before leaving them to work again.

A pling from Frost's computer pulls them from their thoughts.

"The data from Samantha's phone," he explains, focusing on the information on his screen. "She was texting multiple people between four and five. Seems like she was working on a school project. The location is indeed Charlie's house. So she has an alibi."

"She has no motive either. Just like the parents," the brunette sighs and puts her head in her hands. They've got nothing so far, and this is day two.

"Whoever's doing this has guts, though," Jane says, looking back up. "Charlie lived in Fenway and was dumped in Fenway. Does that mean something?"

Korsak is the one to answer this time. "I don't know, Jane. We might just be seeing things. It could mean nothing."

"But think about it," the brunette tries. "He was away for two whole days before he was killed. It wouldn't make sense to abduct him in Fenway, drive somewhere else to keep him, and drive back to Fenway to dump him."

"So you're thinking someone who lives there?"

The brunette sighs, stretching her sore back. "I don't know. It's the only thing I can think of. We've got nothing else, guys."

..

..

They find nothing. They work on the interviews the remainder of the Friday afternoon, and the potential suspects who live in Fenway are either in jail, dead, or have an alibi. Korsak went through his entire list of people already, Frost is almost finished, and Jane has three people left to check. It's incredibly frustrating, and the combination of frustration and caffeine is not very helpful either.

Jane can only sit back and watch while their possible leads disappear one by one. By five thirty, they've still got nothing.

"I can't believe it's been nearly two days since he's been found, and we still don't have any leads." The brunette yawns and rubs her eyes, sore from staring at a computer screen for so long.

Korsak looks at her, and he already knows she's not going to like what he's about to say.

"I think we should just go home for now."

The brunette looks at him, facial expression exactly as Korsak imagined it.

"I don't think so," she counters. "We have to find who did this."

Frost carefully joins the conversation. He's on Korsak's side for once. "Jane, maybe he's right. We've been working for nine hours straight. Even you should know that, after so many hours, you brain doesn't work properly anymore. We all need to rest. There's nothing you can do for Charlie right now."

"His parents trust us to find whoever who did this," she tries once again, but she knows her colleagues are right.

"We will be back here tomorrow, okay?" Frost offers, even though tomorrow's Saturday. "We're not giving up, Jane. We're simply resting to do better work tomorrow."

The brunette huffs. She knows they're right.

"Fine."

..

..

When she comes home, the lights in the house are on, but Maura is nowhere to be found.

"Maur?" she yells, and it takes a few seconds before the blonde replies from upstairs.

"Here!"

The brunette smiles softly before hanging her coat on the rack and putting her service weapon and belt in the locker. She's just about to pour herself a glass of diet coke when she feels two arms wrap around her, and her wife's perfume surrounds her immediately.

"Hey," the blonde's soft voice whispers in her neck, making her shiver lightly. "I already got you something."

The brunette is grateful that her wife doesn't ask about the case. "Beer?" she asks hopefully, and Maura laughs.

She turns around to face the blonde and looks at her affectionately.

"I love it when you laugh," Jane says honestly, putting her hands on her wife's hips.

Maura swears that she falls in love even more with the brunette in front of her, even thought they've been together for so long.

"You're such a softie," she says, leaning in for a short kiss.

"Don't tell," the brunette murmurs when she pulls back. "Otherwise I might consider telling everyone that Dr. Isles is much louder during sex than she says she is."

Maura's eyes widen at her wife's words, and she suddenly pinches Jane's side.

Jane squeals, trying to push the blonde away. "Hey! What was that for?"

"For you being an asshole," Maura says, laughing at the look on Jane's face when she hears the swear word fall from the doctor's lips.

The brunette wraps her arms around her wife before pressing a kiss to her neck. "Why, doctor, is there a need to curse?"

Maura hums contently, loving the way she fits in the brunette's arms. Still.

"The New York City Ballet is on TV tonight," she says. "I wanted to watch."

Jane presses a kiss to the top of the blonde's head. She thinks of a joke or something else to say, but she can't come up with anything.

"Sure, Maur. Whatever you want. But …" she falls silent, grinning when Maura pulls back from their embrace to look at her worriedly.

"What?" the blonde asks.

"I want to see you dance first," Jane asks, and the way she presses her hands together indicates that she's nervous to ask this.

"I'm not saying no," Maura starts. "But why?"

"Cause," the brunette replies shyly. "I just like to see you dance. And it's been a while."

Maura quit dancing after high school, although she still teaches an occasional class at her old school when they're short on staff. It doesn't happen frequently, and Jane has to admit that she misses seeing her girl dance.

The blonde smiles softly, but there's already an apology in her eyes. "I love you, Jay. I really do. But I'm so tired, baby, and I don't feel like dancing at all. Another time, I promise."

Jane face falls for a second, but she nevertheless smiles at her wife. "Okay. Only if you really promise to dance someday soon."

"I will. I promise."

They watch the New York City Ballet together, and the brunette is reminded of their trip to New York for Maura's birthday a million years ago. They went to see Romeo & Juliet, performed by the same New York City Ballet they're watching now. Sure, the principal dancers have changed and it's not Romeo & Juliet they're watching, but it kind of feels the same.

She entwines their hands and rests her head on Maura's shoulder. She doesn't stay awake long enough to watch the end of the show.

Maura watches her sleeping wife with affection, not at all surprised.

She loves her just the same.

..

..

The next morning, it's nearly eight when Jane's phone rings. She's just toasting some bread and Maura's reading the morning paper, caught up in a story about a new medicine. She shoves the brunette's phone to the other side of the counter, and Jane catches it one-handed before she picks up.

"Rizzoli."

It doesn't take three seconds for Maura to know something's wrong. Her wife's face goes white as a sheet at whatever it is she hears, and the blonde is not sure she wants to know what's going on.

"Yes Sir. I understand," the brunette says, face impassive. "We will, Sir. The second we get the address from dispatch."

Cavanaugh does not usually call Jane. In fact, Maura can't remember the last time the brunette's boss has called her personally. She gets up from her bar stool to take the cutlery out of her wife's hand. She puts their toasts on a plate, waiting for the brunette to finish the call.

When she hears Jane say goodbye, she looks at her wife and sees her lower the phone slowly. She doesn't even bother to disconnect.

"What is it?" Maura questions. "Jane?"

The brunette swallows, a million thoughts racing through her head.

"We've got another boy killed."


	3. Chapter 3

The second boy is, just like Charlie, six years old.

He has been found, just like Charlie, in Fenway. This time not in a alley, but in a park, sitting up straight against a tree. The long branches which haven't yet lost their leaves obscured his body from the rest of the park.

He has a single gunshot wound to the chest and no other injuries except from a couple of bruises.

Jane feels like she's failed him.

..

..

The walk from her car to the entrance of the precinct had been hell.

" _Detective Rizzoli! Can you tell us why you haven't found the killer yet?"_  
 _"Is it true that another boy is dead?"  
"Do you think it's a serial killer? Do all parents need to keep their six year old boys inside?"  
"Why haven't you caught him? Do you want more children to die?"_

The last question from the group of reporters makes her whirl around, and they all fall silent at the furious look on her face.

"Listen-," she manages to keep herself from saying 'assholes'.

"There has no connection been made to the other case just yet," she says, although she knows there's no way these two murders aren't linked. "And the question 'do you want more children to die' is the most thoughtless, horrendous and stupid one I've ever heard in my entire career." She does not have to guess who asked it, because one reporter lowers his eyes, and she notices. She's no detective for nothing.

"However, we will be doing the best we can to solve this case as soon as possible. We won't let this happen again and there is certainly no need to worry about a serial killer, or to keep six year old boys inside. Thank you."

She ignores the rest of their questions, and sighs deeply when she's finally inside.

"Kevin," she calls to the officer sitting behind the front desk. "Make sure every single report about a missing six year old gets send straight to me or detective Frost, okay?"

He nods and writes it down on his notepad, just in case. For some strange reason, Jane and Kevin get along really well, although they barely speak to each other. The occasional small talk in the morning when Jane is waiting for a cup of coffee when the line is too long, but that's all. Despite that, they know each other good enough to talk about some serious things as well.

The brunette smiles at him when he holds up his notepad to confirm. "How's the pregnancy thing going?" she asks.

Kevin shrugs, just as uncomfortable with the subject as Jane is. But the brunette knows that he appreciates her interest. "We're trying. You'll be the first to know, Rizzoli," he laughs. "How's _your_ pregnancy going?"

Jane laughs out loud as well. "Shut it. Maura and I haven't ever talked about that. And you know, the job ..." she trails off. He gets it. Every officer does.

He turns away from her when the phone rings, and she waves at him before walking towards the elevators. Korsak is already waiting for one, and he can tell by the look on the brunette's face that she's not amused.

"That bad?" he immediately asks.

"I don't even want to talk about it," she replies. "Some idiot reporter stated that we wanted these kids to die. As if we killed that kid!"

An officer that's walking past them chuckles. "Well, indirectly .." He's obviously a rookie, and Jane fixes him with a glare. He hurries away.

Korsak gets on the elevator first, followed by Jane.

"Frost is already upstairs," he mentions. "We got more information."

The brunette sighs. Another thing she doesn't like about police work, putting names to faces. When a victim isn't identified, it feels less personal.

"Okay. Let's get to work."

..

..

"Mason Cooper, six years old, lives in Fenway with his parents," Frost looks at Jane over his computer screen. "I sent two officers out to go tell them. I really couldn't handle another family so soon after the Hearts."

The brunette nods understandingly. "Thanks. Ask them for a picture of Mason, preferably more than one, so we can start building a case file."

Frost picks up the phone, dialing the front desk to ask the number of one of the officers. Meanwhile, Maura comes in with the first test results, and she hands the file to her wife. She places a hand on Jane's shoulder while the brunette is reading the report, offering silent support.

To Jane, it feels as if she's reading Charlie's report. The same type of bruises, from a strong hand around a small upper arm. No other injuries. One gunshot wound to the chest, the same caliber as with Charlie's murder. This doesn't give them any more information than they already had.

She gives the report back to Maura, who hands it to Korsak. Frost finishes his phone call and puts down the phone, before greeting Maura.

Jane runs her hand through her hair, thinking. "The last time the killer dumped a body, he kidnapped a new boy the day after," she says, waiting for Frost to look up at her.

Her partner meets her eyes, somewhat curious. "You're thinking today?"

The brunette nods. "Yeah, I mean... Charlie was killed on a Wednesday evening, and the killer kidnapped a new boy on Thursday. If that's his MO, it means there's a new boy being abducted today."

The both of them look at Korsak, waiting for his opinion.

"The thing is, we can't expect all six year old boys to stay inside today," he says, and everyone knows that he's right. "It's Saturday. Every little kid is playing on the streets. We can't have the entire city panicking over a possible serial killer. This case is worse enough as it is."

"So you don't want to do anything?" the brunette says.

"Let's just look at the facts first. Put everything on the white board," he says.

Jane does, grabbing Charlie's file and the few things they've found about Mason, before putting everything up on the whiteboard.

"Charlie was taken on Monday. He was killed on Wednesday night and found on Thursday morning. Mason was kidnapped on Thursday afternoon, killed on Friday evening and found this morning. Are you still with me?" the brunette asks, looking at her colleagues questioningly. They nod. "So the only thing that's different now, is that he kept Charlie for two days before he killed him. He kept Mason for only one day."

"So either the MO is not clear yet, or the killer has changed it," Korsak fills in. "If they did that, they were probably in a hurry."

Jane nods. "Yeah. Or all the attention from the press is getting on their nerves."

"Do we know if these boys have anything in common?" Maura asks, looking at her wife.

"I was just working on that," Frost replies. "I just started, though, but for now I can only tell you that they didn't go to the same school."

"They're both from Fenway, though," Jane says, writing it down on the whiteboard. "Could be something to look at."

Frost continues working on his computer, while Jane and Korsak discuss the case and Maura occasionally asks something.

"I got something," Frost says after a few minutes, and everyone turns around to look at him.

"Charlie and Mason were on the same football team. Their coach has a record."

..

 _.._

"Good afternoon, Sir. Could we come inside?"

The man who opened the door for them has blonde hair and wears a suit that's too expensive for the brunette's liking. His house is surrounded by a fence, the kind where you have to press a button and talk through an intercom before the fence opens.

"Yes, of course."

He leads them into the living room, where a maid immediately asks the detectives if they want something to drink. They both decline and sit down on the couch, in front of the soccer coach.

"You're here about Charlie and Mason," he states. "I don't know them, apart from the fact they were on my team. Nice kids. They wouldn't hurt a fly."

Jane nods. "Two of our colleagues are talking to Mason's parents right now," she says. "But we haven't met them yet. Could you tell us about them?"

He shrugs. "I haven't seen them in a while. They don't often come to practices or games. Mason usually comes alone."

Frost writes this down on his notepad. He has noticed that neither Charlie's nor Mason's parents were very involved with their children. It's probably not that they don't care, but both parents seem to be busy all the time.

"Could you tell us where you were yesterday evening?" Frost asks, and the coach's eyes immediately narrow.

"Why? Am I a suspect? Just because I have a record?"

"Sir," Frost tries. "This is a standard question."

"The record is just for fraud! It's not child porn or anything!" he counters, still visibly upset by the question. The brunette wonders why. "Record or no record, we would like to know where you were yesterday evening," she interrupts, meeting his eyes.

"Here. Watching a movie. My wife was at work, so she can't confirm that for you."

Before either Jane or Frost can say anything, he gets up from his chair.

"I would like you to leave, now."

..

..

Once back in the car, Jane exchanges looks with Frost.

"What do you think?" she asks.

Frost shakes his head. "I don't know. He was right about his record, it doesn't have anything to do with children. Is he just a suspect because we want him to be?"

"He seems to have a bit of a temper," the brunette states, taking a left turn onto the main road.

"Well, so do you," Frost starts. "But that doesn't make you a suspect."

Jane punches him in the shoulder while keeping her eyes on the road. "Shut it. Or I might _lose_ my temper."

Frost laughs. "No, but really. We have to find something that either ties him to these kids, other than him being their coach. We need to check if he really was at home. Otherwise we don't have anything against him."

The brunette is just about to reply when her phone rings.

"Audrey!" she says, putting her phone on speaker. "Hey!"

Their friend is working as a copywriter in California right now, and she's having the time of her life. Jane couldn't be happier for her. They don't see Audrey often, but Frost talks to her regularly, and Jane occasionally calls her as well.

"Hi!" Audrey replies excitedly. "How are you? Is Frost with you?"

Jane laughs. "Really, that's the first thing you ask? Isn't talking to me fun enough?"

"Actually, my first question was 'how are you'," Audrey counters, and Jane can hear the smile in her voice. "But yes, of course."

"Just kidding," the brunette replies. "Frost is here."

Frost says hi too, and they talk for a bit until Audrey interrupts them. "I heard about your case on the news. With the young boys?"

"It's on the news in Cali?" Jane asks, surprised.

"Yeah, of course," Audrey replies. "Young boys are being kidnapped and murdered. That's every parents' worst nightmare."

"Well, it's …" Jane falls silent.

"Hard," Frost fills in. "As usual, we can't say much about it, but we don't even have a concrete lead or suspect yet. And the press is all over us."

Jane sighs. It's true. There are about a dozen reporters still outside of headquarters, trying to talk to everyone who walks in or out. She tries to ignore them now, but it's hard.

"You'll catch him," Audrey reassures them. "I know you will. You're the best team."

The brunette smiles. "Thanks."

Audrey effortlessly changes the subject, to lighten the conversation again.

"How's your love life, Mister Frost?" Audrey teases. Frost turns beet red, but Jane is the only one who can see.

"Mister Frost, ugh," he replies. "Please don't ever call me that again. And I don't have a love life. You should ask Jane about hers."

"You're the second person today!" Jane huffs. "Why is everybody suddenly so interested in my love life?"

Audrey laughs on the other side of the line. However, she doesn't get the chance to respond, because Frost tells her that they've arrived at headquarters and need to go.

"Okay. Good luck to you both."

"Thanks," Jane replies. "We're going to need it."

..

..

Jane is working on Mason's report when Maura walks in.

"Did you already have lunch?" the blonde immediately asks, stopping in front of her wife's desk.

"Good afternoon to you too," Jane replies sarcastically. She doesn't like being interrupted when she's busy, although Maura usually has a free pass. But not when she's complaining about Jane's habits. "No, I did not," she replies when Maura doesn't answer.

"Come on," Maura holds her hand out for the brunette to take. "I don't care what you think. We're going to get something from the cafe now."

"Oh no," Jane moans. "My mother works today. I haven't spoken to her since that phone call."

The brunette is referring to the phone call from a few days ago, when Jane was in the morgue, watching her do Charlie's autopsy.

Maura sighs. "You haven't seen her since?"

Jane shakes her head, pushing her chair away from the desk. "No. Have you?"

"... Yes. She came over for coffee two days ago. You'd already left. She hasn't said anything about you, Jay. It's okay."

The brunette smiles shortly before getting up against her will. She grabs her wallet and follows Maura towards the door. When they reach the elevators, she hears Frost yell her name, and Jane turns towards her wife, an apology already on her lips.

"It's okay," Maura replies. "Go. I'll get you something."

Jane enters the bullpen again, and Frost is pointing at his screen, Korsak already standing next to him.

"What is it?" she asks, walking towards his desk.

"His cell phone location," Frost says. "His phone was pinging off a tower near the park where Mason was found."

The brunette looks at Korsak, an incredulous look on her face. They've finally found something.

"Bring him in."

..

..

"Are you insane? It's five thirty. My wife comes back soon, and if I'm not there, I'll have to explain everything," the coach complains, sitting down on the chair in Interrogation 2.

"That's not our problem," Jane shoots back, sitting down opposite him with Korsak. "Why don't you tell us the truth about yesterday evening."

"I fucking told you."

"There's no need to swear," Korsak interrupts. "Just tell us where you were. That's all we want to know."

"How do you know I wasn't at home?" he counters stubbornly.

"We're the one asking questions here," Jane says. "And your cell phone definitely wasn't at home. It was near the park where Mason was found. So, what's your explanation for that?"

He sighs, avoiding eye contact with the both of them.

"We have all night, Sir," Korsak says, crossing his arms.

It's silent for a bit. Neither Jane nor Korsak talk, knowing that this is the best way to get the coach to talk. If he doesn't, they'll get up and walk out, leaving him here.

But finally, "okay. I was near that park. But I didn't kill the fucking kid."

Jane grins. "Then what were you doing there?"

He does not have to reply. She's not a detective for nothing. "You're having an affair," she fills in. He nods, looking away once more.

"What's the name of that person?" Korsak asks, grabbing his notepad.

"Shirley," the coach replies, clearly against his will. "Look, my wife can't know about this."

Jane scoffs. "You should've thought about that before you had an affair. You're _married._ "

She thinks about Maura, because how couldn't she. She thinks about cheating on her wife, and realizes that's something she couldn't ever do. There's no way she could ever look into Maura's eyes again if she found out. And she hates this man with everything she has.

"My wife can't have kids!" he suddenly yells. "That's the whole fucking problem. I've wanted to have kids my entire life."

"So, you decided to abduct two boys and use them for your own pleasure? You're that pathetic?" she counters angrily. Korsak shoots a warning look at her. She pretends not to notice. "I swear to God, if we do a rape kit on that boy and find your DNA, I will personally make sure you'll never see daylight again."

"Get _out_ , Jane," Korsak says, leaving no room for discussion.

"Is that an order, sir?" the brunette counters stubbornly, never once breaking eye contact. As if saying 'Come fight me'.

"Yes, detective Rizzoli. I'm ordering you to leave the room this instant," Korsak says, knowing how much the brunette hates it when he does this. But he has no choice, or she will go too far and get herself suspended. That's the least they could use right now.

The brunette shoves her chair backwards, not even bothering to say anything to the sergeant. The sick smile the coach throws at her makes that she nearly turns around and backhands him across the face. But Korsak shoots another look at her, and she thinks better of it.

Once out the room, Jane punches the wall so hard that a spasm of pain shoots up her arm. She ignores it.

..

* * *

 **Thank you for coming back. I appreciate you so much.**


	4. Chapter 4

Jane doesn't look anyone in the eye while she makes her way through the bullpen. She's terrified of lashing out at people who don't deserve it, so she keeps her eyes fixated on the ground until she reaches her car.

 _Fuck this case. Fuck this all._

Her hand is throbbing from the punch she threw at the wall, but it's only a dull ache when she ignores it. She unlocks her car and gets in, but does not remember driving home. It's only when she pulls into Maura's driveway - their driveway - that she realizes she's home. It's cases like these that make thinking hard.

When the door unlocks, the brunette lets out a breath she'd been unaware of holding in. Her boots finds themselves a home underneath the table in the hallway, and her jacket dangles dangerously off the hook she's just thrown it on. Jane round the corner on her sock feet, and pulls her hair out of the ponytail it has been in for two days straight.

Maura looks up from the journal she's reading, and meets her wife's eyes.

"Hey," she says softly. "Korsak called. He told me what happened."

Jane shrugs, not bothering to respond. She flops down on the couch, putting her hands in her lap, like a defeated puppy. The blonde drops the towel she'd been holding on the counter and walks over to the couch, sitting down next to her wife.

"Jay," she starts, but is immediately interrupted.

"No. Don't start. I don't want to hear it. I know I was wrong."

"I wasn't going to say that," Maura says, grabbing Jane's hand and entwining their fingers. She chooses to ignore the red spots on her wife's knuckles. "I was just going to ask why this case weighs on you so much. We've had cases involving children before. Why is this one different from all the others?"

The brunette sighs, her shoulders still tense.

"I don't know, Maura, it just … _feels_ different. I don't think the soccer coach did it, but it's the only lead we've got."

The blonde is silent, trying to think of an appropriate response. She finds she doesn't have one, and instead lifts one of the brunette's hands up to press the knuckles to her lips. Jane shivers lightly at the feeling of the blonde's lips on her knuckles, but she doesn't talk.

Both women sit in silence for a bit, until the brunette notices the shift in Maura's emotions. She glances at her wife, furrowing her eyebrows.

"What's with the look?" she asks.

"What look?" Maura replies casually, letting go of the brunette's hand. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm pretty sure you qualify for worst liar ever, Maura," Jane jokes. "Tell me."

The blonde sighs. She doesn't want to trouble her wife even more while they're still working on this case. But the look Jane gives her makes that she's unable to deny her.

"My mother called. She's in town, and she wants to come for dinner tomorrow evening."

If Jane is surprised, she hides it well. "Well, what did you say?"

"I," Maura hesitates. "I told her I'd have a look in my agenda and call her back this evening. But she can't come over, Jane! We're so busy. I don't have the time to prepare a three-course meal for her."

"First of all, I'm pretty sure she doesn't expect you to, Maura. Secondly, why didn't you just tell her that we're busy?"

"Because," the blonde exhales shakily. "I don't want to deny her. I can't. She's finally ... We're finally ... okay. When I was younger, she didn't even come home for my birthday, Jane. You know that. And now she's asking to come over for dinner. How am I supposed to say no to that?"

Jane clenches her jaw when she thinks of the times when they were younger, and she held a crying Maura in her arms. Usually because Constance didn't come home on Maura's birthday or on other promised days, or because Maura's mother didn't accept the fact that Jane was Maura's girlfriend. Sure, it had gotten a lot better after a while, and they're pretty much okay now. But Maura's fear of being left alone still resurfaces at times.

"You're going to call her back," Jane replies, "And you're going to tell her that this case is hard, and that you really want her to come over, but now is not the right time."

The blonde still looks terrified. "I can't. No." She feels her breathing speed up, something that feels somewhat familiar, although it has been a while since she actually hyperventilated. She feels light-headed now.

"Hey, Maur. Hey," Jane says urgently, trying to make eye contact with her. "It's okay. It's fine. I will be right here with you. I trust her, Maura. You can too."

After some more reassuring, the blonde finally decides to call her mother. Constance is understanding, just like Jane expected her to be. Maura's mother has grown up and learned as well, although that came a little late. Better late than never, Jane can't help but think. Maura and Constance agree to meet another time, when they have wrapped up this case, and when everyone has had a decent night of sleep.

When the call is over, Jane heaves herself up from the couch with the intention of going upstairs and continuing her work on the case.

Maura looks at her wife knowingly, and gets up as well to prevent the brunette from walking away.

"Tomorrow, Jane. You can continue tomorrow."

"We don't have that kind of time, Maura," the brunette replies.

"I know. But you've been running around for six days straight and tomorrow's Sunday-"

"You know just as well as I do that I can't not go to work because it's Sunday tomorrow," Jane counters, on the verge of getting angry.

"Jay. You can't work yourself to the bone every single day, because you know just as well as I do that's not going to help anyone."

The brunette doesn't respond, but Maura sees the beginnings of consideration in her wife's eyes. She knows she has to push through right now.

"Go take a shower, lie down on the bed, and I'll give you a massage. You're tense."

She makes sure to use a stern voice.

..

..

"Ohh," Jane moans quietly when Maura presses on a sore muscle. "Keep going."

The blonde smiles. She's sitting on her wife's lower back, her hands working on relaxing the tense muscles in Jane's shoulders and upper back. The brunette had been hesitant at first, still not sure whether she should do this, because she wanted to continue working. But Maura had pressed a kiss to her wife's lips and wrapped her arms around the brunette's neck, and Jane had lost her trail of thought.

"You're so good at this, Maur."

Maura smiles again, loving how she can feel her wife relaxing more and more.

"Fuck," Jane hisses when Maura reaches a sensitive spot. The blonde has to bite back her own moan at her wife's response.

The brunette feels Maura tense at the swear word, and she smiles into the pillow, knowing what it does to her wife. She loves that she can have this effect on someone.

It takes about twenty minutes for Maura to finish, and when she finally pushes herself up from the bed, Jane is nearly asleep. But the blonde's movement wakes her up again, and she goes to sit up, but Maura holds her down. "No, you don't."

"But," Jane goes to protest, but the look on her wife's face says enough. "Okay."

Maura finds herself smiling at how easily Jane reads her expression, and how she immediately complies. "Thank you."

The brunette slowly rolls around on the bed, until she's laying on her back, facing Maura. She reaches out and takes the blonde's hands in her own.

"Come to bed with me," she says, and Maura raises her eyebrows. "No, not for sex," the brunette clarifies. "I just want to hold you."

How can Maura ever say no to that?

"Hold on," she replies, pulling her shirt over her head and taking her work pants off before hanging them on a hook. She throws her socks in the laundry basket and quickly unhooks her bra before throwing it in the same direction. She grabs one of Jane's sweaters, hanging over the chair in the corner, and pulls it over her head.

The brunette's lips curl up into a soft smile at the sight of her wife in one of her pullovers. She pulls back the covers, before getting underneath them, leaving enough space for Maura to slip underneath.

Jane sighs when the doctor joins her, and presses her warm body against hers. All she knows is that there's no way she'll ever take this for granted.

Maura notices the sigh, of course, and looks up at her wife. God, if she could just smoothen the lines of worry etched into the skin of the brunette's forehead. If she could just kiss her and make her forget. If she could just-

"Maur?"

She shakes her head and regains her vision, only to see the brunette looking at her worriedly.

"Sorry," she apologizes. "I was just thinking. Nothing important."

"Everything you think or say is important to me, you know that," the brunette replies, but her voice sounds distant. The blonde pulls back to study her the brunette's face, and she can tell that Jane's thoughts are drifting towards something else again.

"There's a new day tomorrow," she says, squeezing her wife's waist reassuringly. "We will get him."

"No case talk in bed, Maur, please," The request is a little surprising coming from Jane, especially because she had the intention of working on the case just an hour ago. But Maura doesn't comment on it, and she scoots even closer until Jane can fully wrap her arms around the doctor.

It's silent, until suddenly, Maura remembers something.

"Oh no, Jane."

"What?"

" ... I haven't brushed my teeth yet."

Jane laughs. A real, genuine laugh, and the worried look on her face disappears for a bit.

Maura has never been more in love.

..

..

"Frost."

It's early Sunday morning, the sun is just peeping through the blinds in the bullpen. Jane had gotten up early, her stiff shoulders already feeling a lot better. She had written a note for Maura and left it on the counter, so the blonde knew where she was.

Now, Frost and her are going through all the photos and reports again, hoping to find something.

"Yeah?" Her partner turns around to see where Jane is standing, leaning over the photos from the boys. They're all from the day they disappeared.

"Do you see what I see?" Jane takes a step back, letting her partner have a look.

"They're wearing the same clothes," Frost realizes. "Sort of. Blue jeans and a red shirt. These are all from the days the boys were taken?"

"Yeah," Jane runs a hand through her hair. "I can't believe we didn't see this first thing."

Frost shakes his head. "It's because Mason's parents gave a school picture to the officers at first. They couldn't find printed photos that quickly, so they brought this one in later," he says, pointing to the photo. "I didn't care to look at Charlie's photo's again, because we'd already done that. But what does this tell us?"

"Whoever's taking them …," Jane falls silent, thinking of words for what she's trying to say. "He or she is looking for someone in those boys. Those boys represent a lost or missing son."

Frost squints his eyes, something he always does when he's thinking hard.

"A lost son…," he says, quickly sitting down behind his computer. "Boys from six years or younger who lived in Fenway? How do you want me to narrow the search, Jane?"

The brunette huffs. "I don't know. Try something with boys who'd gone missing around six, or died at six. In and around Fenway."

Frost complies, typing it on his computer and running the search. It doesn't take more than three seconds for the results to pop up.

"Over six-hundred hits, Jane," Frost says apologetically.

"For fuck's sake," the brunette swears.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," Angela's voice makes the brunette spin around. Her mother is standing in the door opening, three lunch boxes in her hands.

"Ma," Jane huffs. "You can't comment on my language while I'm at _work._ "

"I sure can, young lady," Angela counters. "Now, eat your lunch."

She walks over to Frost to hand them his lunch boxes, and he tries to make Jane feel bad by saying "Thank you Angela, for doing this on your free Sunday." The brunette rolls her eyes at him, making sure her mother doesn't see. The brunette does not ask about Tommy, and Angela doesn't bring him up either. Although it has been a couple of days since their conversation on the phone, it's not awkward.

It's of course then that Frankie walks in, and Jane realizes that she hasn't seen him in a while either. She's been so wrapped up in this case, and he had an undercover operation to run for the drug unit. They work in the same building, but they rarely see each other.

"Ma!" he says, surprised. "Did you bring lunch for me too? I deserve some."

"Francesco," Angela scolds, raising her eyebrows. "Did it occur to you that I might bring you some lunch later?"

"Ma," he hisses, his face flushing with embarrassment. "Don't call me that. I'm at work."

Angela rolls her eyes. "You two could be twins, honestly," she looks at Jane, who just said the same thing. "I got this one for Korsak, but he's not here?"

Jane shakes her head. "He's coming in later. You could give that to Frankie," she motions at the other lunch bag. "You're welcome, brother."

" _Thank you,_ Jane," her brother says, definitely exaggerating. He snatches the lunch box from Angela's hands, gives her a kiss on the cheek and makes his way back into the hallway.

Angela smiles at Jane before walking towards the door again. "Don't work too much, Janie."

" _Ma."_

Frost snickers behind his hand, and Jane throws him a glare. He immediately puts his hands up in defense, but he's still smiling. Angela waves at them before stepping into the elevator, and Jane is a little surprised at how easily her mother removes herself from their work floor again.

The brunette pushes herself up from her chair. "Do you want some coffee?"

Frost smiles gratefully.

..

..

They work the remainder of the Sunday, but they find nothing. It's driving them crazy.

The longer it takes for them to solve the case, the more frustrated everyone gets. Today, Monday, marks a week since Charlie's abduction, and the press is still outside of their building like a swarm of wasps. They ask every passing officer questions, and they won't leave until they've gotten more answers.

Answers that no one can provide.

On Monday morning, it nearly comes to a physical fight between Jane and Frost. Luckily, Maura was there to step in, although she becomes more agitated with every day that passes. _She's_ the one who had those bodies on her table. _She_ was the one who had to do the autopsies, only to come up with nothing. Cause of death: a bullet wound.

They've just finished their lunch when the phone on Jane's desk rings. She downs the last few sips of her coffee before she reaches over to grab it.

"Rizzoli."

"Hey, Jane, it's Kevin from the front desk."

When he doesn't continue, the brunette rolls her eyes, because it's the only thing she can do that he doesn't notice. "What is it?"

"We have a new missing kid."

The brunette snaps her fingers repeatedly, trying to get everyone's attention. Korsak has come in a few minutes ago, and he looks at her questioningly. Frost glances at her too.

"Another six year old boy?" she asks, just to clarify things for her colleagues, who have no idea what's going on. Frost's eyes get wide.

"Yes," Kevin confirms. "Jonas. His teacher called. He didn't show up at school today."

Jane frowns. "His parents haven't reported him missing yet?"

"If I should believe the teacher, this boy's father is dead, and his mother's an alcoholic. They can't reach anyone at home."

The brunette clenches her jaw. _This is her fault._

"Okay, Kevin. Thank you for telling me. Can you send the info to my email?"

When she hangs up, Korsak and Frost already know what's going on. Jane shakes her head, pushing her chair backwards. She doesn't say anything, just walks out of the bullpen, into the elevator. She ignores their questions of where she's headed.

Maura is sitting behind her desk when Jane walks into her office. The blonde holds her hand up, her eyes scanning over something on her laptop.

The brunette waits, although not patiently, for her wife to finish. She clenches her fists, thinking about all the possible things that could happen now. Whoever this boy is, he will end up dead if they don't _do_ anything. Right now. She's terrified of failing.

"Yes, Jane?"

"Another boy has gone missing."

Maura's face goes white at this. She doesn't know how to respond.

"The soccer coach is still in custody. He can't have done it," Jane says, running her hand through her hair. "He doesn't even have a real motive."

Maura thinks for a bit. "But you found another connection, right? They were wearing the same clothing. If that's the real connection, it means the soccer coach probably didn't do it."

"But then we still don't have a suspect."

"I can't confirm what I just said, Jane," the blonde replies. "In order to confirm that, you'll have to find out more about this boy. I just don't want to have another dead one on my morgue table."

The brunette sighs. "I know, Maura. I just ... I feel like I'm failing them."

"Jane Rizzoli," Maura gets up from her chair, rounding her desk until she's standing in front of her wife. "You're not failing them. You're doing your absolute best to find them. Everyone is. Don't blame yourself."

The brunette sighs. "Can you go over the reports again for me? Please?"

"Of course."

Maura pulls her closer, and kisses her wife softly, feeling how Jane relaxes. She rests her hands on the small of the detective's back, and Jane's hand wraps around her waist. When the blonde pulls away, Jane's eyes remain closed, not wanting to let go of the feeling just yet. She leans her head on the brunette's chest, prolonging their short moment of peace.

"You're doing the best you can. I believe in you."

Sometimes, those words are even better than the ones of love. Jane smiles.

"Thank you, Maura."

..

..

* * *

 **You guys ... Just a thing I need to get off my chest.**

 **I sometimes feel like I'm neglecting Maura a bit in what she's feeling and thinking. It's just that I relate more to Jane, both in mannerisms and the way I handle emotions. That makes it easier to write about what Jane's feeling or thinking, so that's usually where I go with my writing. I try to work Maura's feelings into the story as much as possible, but I still feel like I'm not doing it enough.**

 **Do you even ... notice this whole struggle I'm having? Am I doing okay?**

 **Let me know. Lots of love.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Raz Goa, thank you so much for taking the time to write that super long review. It has helped me so much already. Sally rally, I always recognize your name and I'm so happy you keep coming back to my stories. Thank you for telling me a little bit about yourself, it makes me feel like I actually know you guys. And everyone else, of course, thanks as always.**

 **Happy reading.**

* * *

"Vince, I want you in my office. Now."

Cavanaugh's tone is not friendly. Jane cannot blame him for it.

The third boy, Jonas, has been missing for an unknown amount of hours. According to an officer, his mother is laying on the couch at home, drunk. She didn't know when she'd seen her son for the last time. Jane feels cold fury shoot through her body at those words, and she knows why. It makes her think of her own mother, who wasn't really there for her when she was younger. The only difference was that her father was drinking away the small amount of money they had, and her mother was always working.

"Well, fuck," Frost swears, pulling Jane from her thoughts. Korsak has closed the door behind him, and they can't see what's going on in Cavanaugh's office. "Now what do we do?"

The brunette shakes her head. Jonas doesn't play soccer, so he's not on Charlie and Mason's soccer team. He doesn't seem to have any connection with those boys. In combination with the lack of evidence, they have already let the soccer coach go, although that felt like failing all over again.

She picks up her phone and speed dials her wife.

"Yes?"

"Have you already gone through the reports?" Jane asks.

"Yes. I haven't found anything new," the blonde replies. "I even ran a couple of tests again. Nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, Jane," her wife sounds annoyed. "Are you accusing me of not doing my absolute best?"

Jane frowns. This case is getting to Maura as well. "I'm not accusing you of anything. We're just really desperate for evidence, Maura. Anything. The tiniest bit of whatever you can find."

The brunette hears her wife sigh on the other side of the line. She quickly intervenes before the blonde starts talking again. "Thank you for going through the files again. I'm just angry that we're not getting anywhere."

"And you don't think I'm pissed!" Maura counters. "There's _no_ evidence at all. There's nothing I can help you with, and I want to catch him just as badly as you do."

"I know, Maur," Jane tries. She knows this feeling all too well. "We're going to find whoever's doing this. You can't really help with anything now, I think, but-"

The door of Cavanaugh's office opens, and Korsak emerges. He's holding a couple of papers, and he does not look happy.

"Hold on, I'll call you back," Jane says quickly, disconnecting.

Korsak walks towards his table, and neither Jane nor Frost ask questions. They wait for their sergeant to sit down and start talking, which he does immediately.

"We have to talk to every mother and father in Fenway who have lost a six year old son," he announces.

"You can't be serious," Jane says incredulously. "That's impossible."

Korsak doesn't smile. "Here's a list. Cavanaugh put nearly every available officer on this, so we've got enough help. The kid hasn't been found, he could still be alive out there. We have to find him."

Frost is already on his feet. "Where do I need to go?"

"Numbers one to twenty are yours for the rest of the day," Korsak replies, handing him his copy. "Jane, numbers 21 to 40."

The brunette sighs, pushing her chair backwards. This is going to be a very long day.

..

..

"Maura told me to give you this."

Frost holds out an envelope, a smug smile on his face. Jane takes the envelope from him, frowning.

"What does it say?"

"I don't know," he replies. "I didn't open it, did I? Also, I'm under no circumstances to tell you your wife left work early today."

Jane doesn't reply. She thinks about anything that could've made Maura leave early, but she can't come up with anything.

"Scheduled date night?" Frost jokes, smirking when the brunette blushes. Maura and her haven't had a date night in a while, and they had plans for last Friday. That was, until Charlie got murdered.

"No," she mumbles, putting the envelope in her back pocket. "Thanks. And now move, you."

He laughs before turning away, pulling his phone from his pocket to make a call. Jane takes this as her sign to open the envelope, and she turns away too, sitting down on her chair.

The neat, round handwriting can only belong to one person.

 _Jane,  
_ _We're going out for dinner tonight. I know you don't feel like you deserve it, but we're going anyways.  
Meet me at Roxbury Crossing at seven. If you walk, you can leave your car at work.  
I put clothes in your locker for you to wear. Don't worry, it's just something casual.  
_ _I can't wait to see you wear it._

The brunette feels her cheeks flush, and she quickly puts the white piece of paper back into the envelope. She shoves it underneath some papers on her desk, making a mental note to not forget about it later.

She works on the report, writing about the conversations she'd had with the men and women yesterday and today. The conversations weren't very pleasant, because the parents didn't really want to talk about their son. It seems you never really get over losing a child.

She didn't get much out of the conversations, but she's looking into all the previous cases. There has to be something.

 _But what if there isn't?_

The brunette diverts her eyes from the screen, looking at her partner and Korsak. Both of them are busy typing their reports as well, but she doesn't know if they have found any connections. All she wants is to find Jonas. She can only hope he's still alive out there.

Four turns into five, and five turns into six. Frost goes home and Korsak too, eventually. She continues reading a file from three years ago, about a boy who got kidnapped and murdered in Roxbury. It's not the same as their case right now, but she keeps reading anyways.

"Jane." A familiar voice pulls her from her reading. She looks up and sees Frankie, looking at her worriedly. "It's past six?"

"Yeah, Frankie, and?" she says, annoyed.

"Well, I heard you were supposed to go out with Maura tonight." A smile tugs on the corner of his lips.

The brunette frowns. "How did you- Frost! The bastard," she laughs anyway. "I am. Roxbury Crossing at seven."

Frankie looks at his watch. "But, shouldn't you be, you know? Preparing? Whatever it is women do."

Jane smiles before focusing on her report again. "I'm leaving soon."

He doesn't answer for a bit. She feels his eyes on her, but she doesn't look up again.

"You're too caught up in this." Straightforward. Normally, she'd be proud of her brother, but not when he's this direct to her. Not right now.

"Of course I am! It's a kid, Frankie."

"I know, Jane. But just don't, .. just don't lose yourself in this, okay? There's going to be a day when you can't put the killer behind bars. That's a part of the job. And if it has to be this case, then it's this case. What if you just can't find him, Jay? It happens. And yes, it's _absolute shit_ that might happen now. But it happens."

"When did you get so smart?" she jokes, but she has to hold back her tears. Frankie pretends not to notice.

"I learn everything I know from you, Jane," he says seriously, and now she cannot fight the single tear that escapes. Frankie doesn't look at her apologetically, he doesn't laugh or tease her. He just looks and waits for her to compose herself.

She exhales shakily, wiping a few tears from her cheeks. "How am I going to look presentable within," she looks at her watch too, "forty-five minutes? Look at my face. Maura _always_ knows when I've been crying."

Frankie smiles. "She loves you, Jane. She'll be happy you've finally showed an emotion that isn't anger." He laughs at the look on his sister's face. "Now get up, Jane, and get ready." He grabs her coat from behind her back, forcing her to get up. She punches him in the shoulder, so he knows.

She appreciates him.

..

..

The black button-up Maura left for her fits perfectly. It's like it was made for her.

She looks in the small mirror that's hanging on the wall of the locker room. Her long, brown curls are hanging loosely around her face, and she runs her hand through them to try and smoothen them out a bit. She smiles at herself, and decides she looks good enough.

Leaving her bag in her locker, she texts Maura to let her know she's on her way. She's glad she'd chosen to wear her trench coat, because it fully covers her blouse. She doesn't want Maura to see how she looks right away. She leaves the building and turns to the right, towards the Roxbury Crossing. Her wife's car is parked on the right side of the road, and she checks if Maura's really in there before she gets in.

"Hey."

"Hi!" Maura leans over and kisses her wife on the cheek, but Jane gently pulls her in and kisses her properly.

When they part, the blonde's eyes are still closed, and Jane gets the chance to look at her wife for a bit. The blonde looks tired, and worried, and relaxed all at the same time. The first two emotions are caused by the case, and the last one by Jane's presence. The brunette knows her wife well enough to be able to tell.

"I missed you." Straightforward, Jane this time.

A muscle in Maura's face twitches, and the brunette is sure that her wife could tell her the name of it if she'd ask. All Jane knows for now is her wife is surprised to hear her say that.

"Just ask, Maura."

"How are you? How are we doing?"

The brunette knows she has to be honest. Her wife is looking at her hopefully, but also like she doesn't really expect Jane to answer.

"I'm not doing okay. Not until we solve this case," she replies. "We, on the other hand, are fine. I'm not leaving you, Maura. Never."

"Promise?" All of a sudden, Maura's voice is laced with tears.

"Honey." The brunette looks at her wife, surprised, and takes Maura's hand in hers. "Of course. Why would you ask?"

"Because." Hazel eyes look up at her. "There are cases where I feel you pulling away from me. We don't talk much and I feel like I don't get to see the real you. I know it's a part of what makes you such a good cop, that you're so involved in every case, but sometimes I feel like it's too much."

 _Don't cry again, Jane._

"Maura," the brunette's voice sounds honest. "I know you're worried about me. But just because I'm caught up in a case doesn't mean I'm going to leave you. I couldn't. You're the reason I make it through these cases."

The blonde doesn't reply, but she leans in and softly presses her lips to Jane's. She's much better at saying things that way, and Jane understands. They share kisses until Maura pulls back, because leaning over the car seat is making her back hurt. "We're still in the car," she mumbles. "We have a reservation in fifteen."

Jane knows they'll have to continue this conversation someday. This is not everything her wife wanted to say.

"Do you still want to go?" she asks.

"Yes. I picked your outfit, after all."

..

..

The diner they go to is small, but the brunette finds that she likes it more than a big restaurant. It feels more intimate, especially because Maura has made sure they got a small booth in the corner of the restaurant. The waitress has already put two glasses of red wine on the table, and the candles are burning. It looks just like a first date.

"Is this really for us?" Jane whispers, not sitting down just yet. She stares at the table, and then glances at Maura.

"Yes," Maura smiles at her wife's expression. It's one of the things she loves about Jane. The brunette appreciates this so much, despite the fact that it's just dinner. "You can sit down, you know."

The brunette is just about to do that when she realizes she hasn't shown her outfit yet. When she undoes the first two buttons of her coat, Maura's eyes are already on her. Jane laughs out loud.

"God, Maura. You're still eighteen sometimes."

She shrugs off her coat, catching it one-handedly before sitting down on the soft cushions. She motions for Maura to sit down as well, and the blonde does, although she can't stop looking at her wife. The simple blouse looks gorgeous on Jane.

"You look beautiful."

Jane flushes, and she takes her first sip of the wine. "It's just a blouse."

Maura shakes her head. She'll show the brunette exactly what she means, and takes off her coat to reveal a silk, red spaghetti top.

The brunette swallows, but doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to for Maura to know what she's thinking.

"See?" the blonde laughs. "That's what you do to me, Jane. Just you."

Jane shakes her head disbelievingly. She still can't wrap her mind around the fact that she has this effect on someone, but the look on her wife makes that she believes it. Just for now.

Maura takes a sip of her wine too, and the waitress returns with the menu.

"Ladies. Can I get you anything else? A water, maybe?"

Maura nods. "Yes, a regular water for me please. Jane?"

The brunette glances at the waitress. "Uh, yes. The same for me."

When the waitress has left, Maura puts her hand on the table for Jane to take. The brunette does immediately, marvelling at the soft skin.

"Hey." Maura smiles.

"Hey," Jane replies.

There's nothing else they need to say. There are entire conversations in the looks they're giving each other.

"We will make it," the brunette is the one to break the silence. "Even if we won't find the killer. Stay with me, Maura?"

The blonde does not hesitate to answer.

"Always."

..

..

They get the call on Thursday morning.

It has been three full days since Jonas was reported missing, and he still hasn't been found. Jane was just talking about it with Maura on their way to work.

 _The brunette looks at her wife while they're waiting in front of a red light. "Jonas doesn't fit into the MO. We should have found him already. The other two boys have been killed within one or two days. Something's off, Maur. I know it."_

 _The blonde shakes her head. "I don't know, Jane. I really don't know. The only logical explanation would be that Jonas escaped."_

 _Jane focuses on the road again._

 _"God, I hope so."_

The brunette finishes writing her sentence before she reaches over to answer her phone.

"Rizzoli."

"Hey Jane, it's Kevin. I think I've got something for you. Mass General is on the phone, I'm putting them through."

"Sure." _The hospital? What could they have?_

"Hello?" The voice on the other side of the line sounds, unsure.

Jane immediately replies. "Detective Jane Rizzoli, how can I help you?"

"Hi. I'm Sharon, I work at Mass General. A boy has just walked in, all by himself, and he looks like the boy from the news. You know, the one who went missing on Monday?"

Jane doesn't need to hear anything else. She's already on her feet, grabbing her coat and her keys. "Can you keep him for, like, fifteen more minutes? I'm on my way. I'll be right there."

..

..

The first thing she notices when she walks into the hospital room, is the clothes. Jonas is wearing a red shirt and blue jeans. She quickly texts Frost to mention the clothing, and to ask him if he can come over to the hospital.

Jonas's face is just as white as the sheets he's sitting on, and if possible, it turns even whiter when he sees Jane walk into the room.

"Hey, honey," the brunette tries softly.

Jonas' eyes meet hers, and he looks frightened.

"I'm not going to hurt you," she says. "I'm here to help you. I'm a police officer."

His eyes lighten up at that, even if it's only a little. Still, he doesn't move closer, and Jane suddenly realizes that she has her badge in her back pocket. She grabs it immediately, holding it up so he can see she's not lying.

"Here honey, look."

He carefully jumps from the bed, landing on his sock feet. A blonde lock covers one light blue eye while he steps closer, still afraid. When he holds out his hand, Jane doesn't hesitate to place the badge in it. Jonas inspects it closely, as if he still doesn't believe it's real. After a minute, he looks up, hopeful.

"You're a detective."

He pronounces it like _de-te-tive_ , and the brunette's heart skips a beat. She's angry at herself for not finding him earlier. For not protecting him.

"I'm surprised you know that," Jane says. It's true, there aren't many kids who know police badges that well. "You're smart."

Jonas shakes his head, handing the brunette her badge again. "My dad was a detective. Mom told me so. I have his badge."

 _He has his badge? But that would mean- Oh._

Jane suddenly remembers what Kevin said. This boy doesn't have a father anymore.

"I'm pretty sure your dad's a hero," she says, offering a smile.

"The papers called him that too," Jonas replies, climbing on the bed again. He's too skinny, but he looks unhurt. "I miss him."

The brunette carefully steps closer, and it seems the little boy allows her to. She sits down next to him on the bed.

"It must have been very hard for you," she says. "How is your mom doing?"

His next exhale is a bit shaky, and he seems to be pulling away. He doesn't answer, and looks up at Jane again with frightened eyes.

"Are you going to take me away again?"

Jane shakes her head immediately. "No, honey. I'm just here to ask you what happened. Where have you been? We were all very worried."

"Officer," a voice sounds behind them. Jonas tenses at the harsh tone, and Jane puts her hand on his to show that it's okay. "I would like you to leave, now. We still need to run tests, and this boy needs rest. You can interview him tomorrow."

The brunette gets up from the bed, and Jonas crawls underneath the covers. A young man with black hair is standing in the door opening, and he looks angry. Jane doesn't like him.

"First of all, it's Detective," she says. "And secondly, it doesn't look like you're taking good care of him. He's still in his own clothes, which should have been bagged and ready for me to take to the police station. This is an ongoing investigation, _Sir,_ and you're not doing him any favors by letting him stay here on his own. Where's the woman from Child Protection Services?"

The doctor is visibly taken aback by her outburst. "Uh, she's on her way, Detective. I apologize." He walks into the room, a hospital gown in his hand. "Look, little boy. Can you put this on for me?"

Jonas pulls the covers up to his chin, trying to hide. He's trembling.

"Look," Jane says, glancing at the doctor. It looks like he has never worked with children before, and she is about to get angry when she realizes this is how Maura used to be. Her wife was afraid of people, and would speak to the dead because they couldn't hurt her. She has gone so far out of her comfort zone, and Jane realizes this man could be way out of his comfort zone and she wouldn't even know. She decides to go easy on him. "He's probably traumatized, and by his physical response to your presence, I can tell he's been abducted by a man. I think it would be wise if you ask one of your female colleagues to help this boy."

"Oh, right, yeah," he stammers. "I, uh, I'll be right back."

She offers him a smile and turns back to Jonas, who still looks frightened. He hasn't let go of the covers.

"Please don't hurt me," he whispers. "I just wanna go home."

Jane's heart breaks all over again.

"Honey, you're okay. You're safe. I'm police, remember? I'm going to protect you. It's going to be okay."

Jonas sighs, and it looks like he's feeling tired all of a sudden. He must be exhausted, Jane realizes. He walked to this hospital, all the way from god knows where. She sits down on the bed, and he allows her to stroke his head. The brunette thinks it must be because she's a woman, and a detective. A father figure for him, in the form of a woman.

"Go to sleep," she whispers. He smiles briefly, and the brunette knows she's in trouble. She already loves this boy like he's her own.

"We're going to find who did this to you."

* * *

 **I'll check for errors in the morning, but I just wanted to get this up for you. Leave a review if you want to let me know what you think.**  
 **I love you guys SO much. I swear. Have a great weekend.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm really trying to write more so I can upload more often!**

 **The ending of this chapter and the entire next chapter are my take on When The Gun Goes Bang. It's very different, but definitely inspired by it. If some of you don't recognize a certain name in this chapter, I suggest you go back to my fic 'To Love A Girl' and read chapter 5.**

 **Be prepared, guys. Shit's about to go down.**

* * *

Jane finds Maura in her office, and she's so excited and relieved and _emotional_ that she starts crying when she sees her.

The blonde immediately looks up from her computer, only to push her chair backwards and walk towards her wife. "Jane! What's wrong?"

The brunette shakes her head, not able to respond and lets Maura embrace her. She buries her head in blonde curls, still not believing what has just happened. Maura waits, although not patiently, for her wife to pull back and talk to her.

"We got him. We found him, Maura. Jonas."

The doctor's eyes get wide immediately, and she gets tears in her eyes too.

"Oh my god, Jane," she pulls the brunette in for another hug, putting her head on her wife's chest. Jane's heart is beating fast, but so is Maura's now. She can't believe this is true. Although no one said it, they'd lost nearly all their hope of finding Jonas.

They're still standing like that when Frost nearly runs into her office.

"Maura! Jane called and she- Oh. You already know."

The brunette lets go of her wife to look at her partner. She smiles, "Yeah, of course. I had to go tell my woman first."

The blonde shakes her head, laughing. "She hasn't told me much though, Barry. What happened? How did you find him?"

Frost looks at Jane, who nods almost imperceptibly. "The hospital called," he says. "A nurse saw him walk in by himself, and she thought he looked like the boy from the news. Jane went to check, and it was him. Jonas."

"He's unhurt," the brunette adds. "Just skinny. And terrified. He didn't let me come closer until I showed him my badge."

Maura nods. "And how did he respond to the doctors?"

"They hadn't done any tests yet. But when the male doctor walked in, Jonas panicked."

Frost looks at his partner. "So we're probably looking for a man."

"Must be," Jane replies. "Do you know when we can interview him? Have they already called?"

The detective sighs, annoyed. "Yes. We can't interview him today."

"What do you mean?" Jane asks angrily. She feels Maura's hand on her back immediately, supporting her.

"Child Protection doesn't want us to."

Jane rolls her eyes. "Bullshit. We need him to answer some questions."

Frost shakes his head. He doesn't know either.

"Well when can we interview him?" Jane asks, taking Maura's free hand and absentmindedly runs the tips of her fingers over Maura's palm. The blonde smiles.

"I arranged that you can pick him up tomorrow and take him here, only if we promise to bring him to Child Protection afterwards. It's not necessary that he goes back to the hospital."

Jane's eyes get wide. "You're the best!" she cries out, letting go of Maura's hand to wrap her partner up in a hug. Frost doesn't immediately return it, because he's not used to the brunette showing affection, but he eventually relaxes. "Thanks, partner."

Frost grins. "I know I'm the best. You're welcome."

The brunette pulls back to punch him in the shoulder.

"Don't flatter yourself."

..

..

The next day, just like Frost promised, Jane is allowed to pick Jonas up from the hospital. He recognizes her immediately, and scrambles off the bed to throw himself in her arms. She shifts him to her left hip like she's been doing it forever, and lifts him up from the floor.

"You came back," he says, pulling back to look into her eyes.

"Of course I did, hon. You wanna come with me to the station?"

He nods, but then he looks serious. "Are there scary men?" His voice quivers a little.

Jane shakes her head immediately. "No. Just police officers. They're not going to hurt you."

Jonas thinks for a bit, but then lets go of her to show that he wants to be put down again. Jane complies and takes his hand, looking around the room for anything that could be his, before she realizes that he couldn't have brought anything.

"I don't know your name," Jonas says when they're in the elevator on their way down. "I'm Jonas."

Jane smiles, not telling him that she knew that already. "I'm Jane."

"We're both J!" he says happily. Then, the elevator doors open and a doctor steps in, looking somewhat familiar to the one they met yesterday. Jonas looks up and his eyes go wide, before he grabs Jane's hand tightly.

The brunette looks down at him and sees that he's shaking. It takes a moment for her to connect the dots, but when she does, she lifts him up again and he buries his face in her neck. "It's okay," she whispers.

PTSD. It must be PTSD and ... men. In general.

When she finds the bastard who did this, she's gonna kill him.

They get off the elevator a few seconds later, and Jonas looks around them, before he decides it's safe. Jane lets him go, and they walk towards the brunette's car to go to the station.

On their way there, Jonas doesn't really talk. He glances at the detective's hand when she puts her car in drive, and at her fingers as they grip the steering wheel so tightly they turn white. The radio is on, but he doesn't seem to recognize any of the songs. The brunette occasionally looks at him to make sure he's alright.

When they arrive at headquarters, Jane takes him up to their floor and shows him the family room, with a huge couch and soft cushions on the floor for children to sit on. There are a few board games, but Jonas says he wants a coloring book, and the brunette finds one for him in a closet.

"Jonas, I'm have to go downstairs for a bit, okay? I need to get some papers." When he looks up at her, already terrified, she puts her hand on his shoulder. "What page are you going to color?"

He looks back at his book, and points at a picture of dolphins. She smiles at him, trying to make him feel at ease. "I will be back in five minutes, okay? Make sure you're ready."

He grins and immediately grabs a blue crayon from the package, and Jane pretends to run away, which makes him laugh.

"Be ready!" She yells over her shoulder before glancing at her partner's desk. Both Frost and Korsak are gone, probably visiting Jonas' mother to see how she's doing. If she's sober.

Jane taps her foot impatiently while she waits for the elevator to arrive. She quickly presses -1 and prays that it doesn't stop on the way. When it arrives, she nearly runs into the morgue, scaring Maura who is just cleaning up her stuff.

"Where is the report? From Jonas?" she asks, out of breath.

Maura laughs, reaching over the table to get a file. "This is it. Why are you in such a hurry?"

"Because," Jane urges. "I'm interviewing Jonas in a bit. He's upstairs in the family room. I promised him I'd be back in five."

The blonde looks at her wife affectionately. She loves what Jane does for this boy. When she thinks of her wife, running back upstairs to be with Jonas, she thinks of them having kids. She can see the brunette holding their child, chasing them on a playground, learning them to play soccer. She laughs softly, shaking her head. She makes a mental note to talk to Jane about children. Later. When this case is over.

The brunette bounces on her feet, indicating that she wants to go if Maura lets her.

"Sure, Jay. Go."

Jane nearly runs back towards the elevator, just in time to see a technician putting up a sign.

 _Elevator currently out of order._

"Really?" She says.

"Yes," he shrugs, obviously not caring that she's in a hurry. "If I don't fix this elevator right now, you will be stuck in it. So what do you want?"

The brunette doesn't bother to respond. She walks towards the staircase, sighing. The morgue is at -1, while Homicide is located at level 2, meaning she has to walk up six flights of stairs.

When the number on the wall of the staircase tells her she's reached the first floor, she hears them.

Gunshots.

She freezes and looks at the officer who has just closed the door leading to the first floor behind him. They stare at each other for two more seconds before he grabs his gun, opens the door and goes back, while Jane takes three steps at a time to reach her own floor. Right before she wants to open the door, she freezes.

 _Maura_.

She thinks about running back, but she knows that'll take way too long, so she opts for calling her.

The blonde picks up on the second ring, surprised that Jane is calling when she's just seen her. But she doesn't get the chance to say anything but 'hey', before Jane starts talking.

"Do you trust me?" Jane asks immediately, and Maura almost smiles. As if this is even a question after so many years.

"Yes, of course," the blonde replies without hesitation.

"Okay. Maura, I need you to do exactly what I say."

The tone of her wife's voice makes the hairs on her arm stand up.

"What is it, Jane?"

"I need you to drop everything, take as many people as you can with you and go to the nearest emergency exit. Don't press the fire alarm and make sure nobody else does. Go now, Maura."

The blonde knows this is not the time to ask questions, because it sounds like there's no time to waste.

"Be safe," she manages to say before Jane disconnects, and she takes off running to the nearest group of lab techs.

When the brunette puts her phone back on her belt, she hears more gunshots. This time, they're not coming from the first floor. They're coming from her own floor, and the only thing between her and those gunshots is a heavy door.

She immediately unholsters her gun and pushes the door open with her foot, already raising her weapon.

The first thing she notices is that the bullpen is almost empty. It's lunch hour, and most officers have either gone for a walk or are having lunch in the cafe downstairs. When she creeps into the hallway, she sees a body slumped against the brick wall, his eyes already glassy. A rookie. One of their own.

The brunette pushes herself closer to the wall when she hears more gunshots. She thinks of Jonas, who is in the family room with his pack of crayons and a colored paper, waiting for her.

She needs to get to him before they do. Whoever they are.

She whips her head around the corner to check if there's nobody in the next hallway before she walks towards the family room, making sure to walk on her toes to make as little noise as possible. Jonas is sitting underneath the table, eyes wide and frightened. Right before he wants to cry out, she puts her finger to her lips and shakes her head, indicating that he has to be silent.

Mercifully, he listens, and she motions that he should come over to her. He shakes, but gets up and silently walks towards the hallway, safely into Jane's arms.

"Shh," she whispers, "it's okay. We're going outside."

Right after she finishes her sentence, the feeling of a barrel pressing into her skull makes her stop dead.

"I don't think so, detective."

..

..

The second Maura sprints outside, alongside other officers and technicians, she pulls her phone out of her pocket to call Frost, or Korsak, or anyone really.

Korsak doesn't pick up, so she tries Frost.

"Please answer the phone, please," she mutters.

"Hey, Maura."

"Barry. You need to come back, now!" she nearly yells, running her hand through her hair. She looks around, searching for a mane of brown curls. Jane is nowhere to be found.

"What is it? Maura?"

"Headquarters," the blonde heaves, out of breath. "A shootout. I don't know what's going on. I can't find Jane."

She hears Barry call out for Korsak, and the sound of wind on the other side makes her think they're running back to the car.

"Are you safe? Are you outside?" Frost asks.

"Yes," she replies. "But Jane, I-"

"Maura. Stay right where you are. Don't go back in. Ask if anyone has called SWAT. We'll be there in five."

Frost disconnects, just when the blonde hears their engine start. She turns around, looking at the officers who are trying to keep everyone away from the building. She spots Frankie among them, and runs towards him.

"Frankie!" Her yell makes that he turns around immediately.

"Maura, stay away," he pushes her back onto the street. "Did you see them? What happened?"

"I, I don't know," she stammers. "Jane called me and said I had to get out. How many are there?"

"We're thinking two," Frankie replies. "But we can't go in there until SWAT arrives."

 _Oh, that's what I had to ask,_ Maura thinks to herself, remembering Frost's words from a minute ago. She'd already forgotten in the chaos.

"We have to figure out what's going on," she says. "Do you know, Frankie?"

He shakes his head. "It could be related to your case," he replies. "But it could have to do with anything we're investigating. Old cases, new ones, anything. I don't know. We just have to get as many people out as possible." It's then that he realizes. "Where's Jane?"

Maura shakes her head, covering her mouth with her hand. "I don't know, I, I think she's still inside."

The realization of this suddenly washes over her, and she wants to push Frankie away to get to her wife. He stops her.

"No, Maura."

"She's in there, Frankie! We have to get to her, we have to ..."

"You can't go back. She wouldn't want you to."

"Well I don't want her to die! I don't-"

"EVERYBODY GET BACK! GET AWAY FROM THIS BUILDING!" A loud voice interrupts her, and Frankie pushes her back again. He puts his hand on Maura's shoulder, his chocolate brown eyes catching hers. "Go to the other side of the street. Look for her in the crowd. Be safe, Maura."

Just like that, he's gone, towards the people from the drug unit, who are still leading people out of the building and trying to get everyone as far away as possible. The blonde stands frozen, until someone bumps into her on their way out and she stumbles, nearly falling over. A few more gunshots ring out.

She turns towards the street.

"Please, Jane. Don't do this to me."

..

..

The man pushes them into an empty room in the hallway and closes the door behind them. He has taken the brunette's gun, leaving her unarmed and unable to defend herself and the little blonde-haired boy next to her.

"Who are you? Did you abduct those boys?" Jane asks.

 _Don't freak out. Stay calm. If it isn't for you, it's for Jonas._

"No, I did not," he says, a sick grin on his face. "And since you seem to work for Homicide, you probably don't know me. But I'm sure the drug unit can tell you exactly who I am. They've been chasing us for months."

 _The drug unit? What the fuck?_

"Why are you here? What do you want?"

He grabs her face with one hand, making Jonas cry out in fear. She reaches out for the blonde-haired boy immediately, but he's too far away.

"I'm the one asking questions. Isn't that what you always say in an interrogation room?"

She tries very hard to keep looking at him. To not show any fear.

"What do you want?" she repeats, trying to steady her voice.

He suddenly lets go of her and pushes her backwards hard enough for her back to hit the wall at full force. A sharp pain shoots through her, but she doesn't cry out.

"I want to drive the cops away from the harbor. We're going to keep you here until our deal is finished."

The brunette is at a loss. She thought this had something to do with Jonas and the other boys, but apparently there's something else going on.

"But-"

"Shut up," he says. "You're only here because I need hostages to get out, and you're the lucky ones today."

The brunette is pretty sure she hears footsteps in the hallway, but she doesn't comment on it. Just when she's about to ask another question, the door handle moves, and the man in front of them spins around and fires twice. The bullets pierce through the door, and the sound of someone dropping to the floor makes the brunette close her eyes.

Jonas does not cry out anymore. He's sitting on the floor in the corner of the room, his hands over his ears, looking absolutely terrified.

"You two stay here," the man says. "Davis is going to watch you. I have some calls to make. Don't be difficult, I won't hesitate to shoot either one of you."

Jane doesn't protest. She moves towards Jonas and sits down, putting an arm around him. He tenses up, but when he realizes it's Jane, only moves closer.

The man carefully opens the door and peeks into the hallway, and whoever he just shot seems to be dead.

Another one of their own.

He raises his hand at someone, probably his partner, and motions for him to come in. When he enters the room, the brunette instantly realizes that it's not a he, it's a she. His partner is a woman. And Jane knows her.

..

..

Outside the building, Maura has given up her search for Jane. Her wife is still inside the building.

Someone taps on her shoulder and she whirls around, coming face to face with Barry and Korsak. She immediately wraps her arms around Barry, and he responds just as uneasy as yesterday, when Jane hugged him. Eventually, she pulls back, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"What's going on? What do they want?"

Frost shakes his head. "We don't know. We can only hope that the officers inside can do their jobs and make this stop as soon as possible."

"I heard they've stopped evacuating," Korsak adds. "Most people are out. The ones still inside are going to have to solve this by themselves. We can't risk anyone's life, SWAT will be here in five."

"Jane is inside," Maura manages. "She hasn't gotten out yet."

Both Frost and Korsak go silent.

"Are you sure?" Frost, eventually.

Maura can only nod.

"How did you know to get out?" Korsak asks, and the blonde realizes she hasn't told much yet.

"Jane called me and said I had to get out immediately. I couldn't press the fire alarm."

Korsak nods. "Smart. She knew that'd set them off. It would create even more chaos."

The words barely make it to Maura's ears.

"Dispatch has already made some calls. If someone knows anything about this, they're putting them through to us."

Just when Korsak finishes his sentence, Frost's phone rings. He pulls it from his pocket, answering it without looking.

"Frost."

"Detective, I have more information. We know the name of at least one attacker inside. It's a woman and her name is Ryleigh Davis."

Frost blinks, mouth falling open. "Who?"

"Ryleigh Davis," the man repeats. "29 year old female, that's all we know. You'll have to do the digging."

"There's — There's no need for that," Frost replies, still shocked. "I know her."

..

* * *

 **Well... Let's see what happens. Stay tuned for the next chapter, it'll be up on Monday!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Vbbneighbor: I already missed you! Glad you're all caught up :) Everyone else: wow. Thank you. Thank you so much for all your kind words.** **Once again, if you don't remember what happened between Ryleigh and Jane, go back and read chapter 5 from _To Love A Girl._**

 **I won't keep you waiting any longer, happy reading!**

* * *

Jane somehow manages to keep herself from saying Ryleigh's name when the woman walks in, the cop instinct telling her not to. She doesn't want their attacker to know that she knows this woman.

Ryleigh closes the door behind her and turns around, facing the hostages for the first time.

Her face goes white as a sheet.

The silence seems to stretch on for hours. Even Jonas senses that something's off, because he looks up at Jane with curious eyes.

Jane inspects the woman standing in front of her. Ryleigh is a lot taller than she remembers, but the brunette would easily win if she'd stand up right now. Other than that, Ryleigh looks exactly as Jane remembers her, except for the Glock 14 attached to her hip.

"I see you haven't changed," the brunette spits, half angry and half sad. Ryleigh turns away, breaking eye contact. The brunette sees her former best friend take a deep breath, but she doesn't reply.

"Can you at least explain what the hell is going on?" Jane says, deciding that she can be angry. She knows Ryleigh won't hurt her.

Finally, the woman turns back to face them, her face impassive. Some emotion flickers in her eyes, but it's gone immediately.

"We have a deal in the harbor today. The cops knew about it, and we couldn't risk getting caught. It's a couple million dollars. So we decided to go here," Ryleigh says. There's no emotion in her voice, either. It scares Jane a little. "Headquarters under attack? We knew that would drive everyone away from the harbor."

The brunette shakes her head. "So, you're still doing drugs, then."

Her former best friend frowns shortly, and Jane is not sure the woman in front of her knows what she's talking about. But, eventually "Yeah. At least I can afford some shit now."

Jane looks at Jonas, who is watching their conversation with a frown. He doesn't understand what's going on, and Jane doesn't blame him for it. She presses a quick kiss to the top of his head, praying that'll help him calm down a bit. He's still frightened.

Ryleigh watches the interaction curiously.

Jane knows exactly what she's thinking. "No, he's not ours," she answers the unspoken question, referring to Maura and her. Letting Ryleigh know they're still together, after all these years. "He could be, though," she adds. Jonas has blonde hair, exactly Maura's color. His dimples are similar to Jane's, and when he laughs, they appear next to his eyes too. The only difference is his blue eyes.

The brunette looks back up at Ryleigh, her arm still wrapped around the boy. "How long does the deal take?"

Ryleigh hesitates, looking at her watch. "Shouldn't be more than half an hour from now."

Jane glances at Jonas, whose breathing is speeding up again. All she wants is for him to be safe. He has just escaped from a horrifying situation, and here he is, already wrapped up in the next nightmare.

"Ryleigh," the brunette starts, swallowing past the lump in her throat that has suddenly appeared. Saying that name has become so unfamiliar. "You have to let him go. He has nothing to do with this." She looks up into her former best friend's eyes, pleading. "You have to."

The woman in front of her clenches her jaw. "No."

But Jane isn't giving up. "Please. He's been through hell already."

"Shut up," Ryleigh tries to keep her voice steady, but Jane is no fool. She knew this girl, now woman, for so long that she knows which buttons she needs to press to get what she wants.

"Look, Ry, I know this is not your idea." The look on Ryleigh's face when the brunette uses her nickname is one of incredible sadness. "It can't have been your idea. And you don't want to kill him."

Silence.

"Let the kid go, okay? I'll stay right here with you. Just let him go," Jane tries one more time.

"SHUT UP!" Ryleigh yells, pointing a shaky finger at the brunette. She turns around after a few seconds, opening the door again. She yells a name the brunette can't understand, but she figures it must be the man who took them here. She doesn't want to see him, but it's not like she has a choice.

..

..

"Ryleigh?" Maura repeats, her mouth falling open in disbelief.

"Who is it?" Korsak asks, unfamiliar with the name. He doesn't know her, but Maura cannot find the words to explain. Luckily, Frost does it for her.

"Ryleigh went to the same high school as we did," Frost explains, motioning at himself and Maura. "She was Jane's best friend. Jane and her had a massive fight and Ryleigh disappeared right after, and they never saw each other again."

"It hurt her so much," the blonde adds. "I still remember the pain in her eyes when I asked her about it later. I can't imagine what she must be feeling right now."

Maura doesn't like to think about the things that could be going on inside the building right now. She looks up at the windows of the second floor, but there's nothing to be seen. Of course there isn't.

"Is she dangerous?" Korsak asks. "We still don't know who she's with. Do you know anyone from your high school that could be in there with her?"

The question throws both Frost and Maura off guard. Neither one of them has considered that.

The blonde shakes her head. "I can't really think of anyone, but I only joined you the last year."

"We were her only friends, I think," Frost says. "Jane and I, and the girls from her soccer team. It could be anyone."

Then, the sound of cars arriving makes them turn around. Several SWAT-teams jump from their vehicles and run towards various groups of officers, motioning for them to get back. Two men, obviously the leaders, walk towards Cavanaugh, asking about the situation.

Maura turns back towards the brick building, hand on her heart.

"Oh, Jane."

..

..

"If you let that boy go, I'll work out a deal for you." Jane looks up at the man, who came in right after Ryleigh called. She hopes she sounds convincing.

"The only reason we're here is to make _our_ deal work. Do you really think we're just gonna give that up?" He yells. Jane notices that Ryleigh flinches.

"Listen," Jane says calmly. "You and I both know there's no way they're just going to let you walk. You have a chance to do the right thing. If you let the boy go, you'll do a lot less time in jail. I swear."

"I'm not going to jail. We're walking outta here without a scratch. And you two either come with us or die. Those are your options."

Jane tries to suppress a wave of nausea at both thoughts. _Don't panic._

"Do you really think you're going to open that door and walk onto the streets?" She asks. "There's at least a dozen SWAT-teams outside by now. You're not getting away with this. So do the right thing, man. Save yourself a couple years."

Finally, he's silent, almost as if he's considering this. Jane continues.

"Just let him go. I'll stay right here with you. You can use me to get a better deal. I'll help you out, I promise. Let him go."

It's silent for a couple of seconds, and Jane thinks he's going to reject again. But then,

"Fine. Get up," he says to Jonas, pulling on his arm. "Get up!"

Jane scrambles up from the floor, putting her hand on the man's shoulder. "Wait! The elevator doesn't work. He has to walk and he doesn't know which way to go. Please let me go with him. Or at least let her take him," she says, motioning at Ryleigh.

He looks at his partner before shaking his head. "Nah. I'm taking him."

Jane feels as terrified as Jonas looks. She steps closer, although she knows it could be the wrong move. "Jo, it's okay," she puts her hand on his shoulder. "Go with him. He'll bring you outside, okay honey?"

"Jane," his voice sounds small and frightened. "Why can't you go? Can't you take me?"

The brunette shakes her head, trying to control her breathing. "Honey. You have to trust me, okay? Go with him. It's okay."

She raises her eyes, looking at her kidnapper. "If you hurt him," she growls. "I will personally end you."

Something in his expression changes, and he pushes Jonas outside. He steps closer and before Jane realizes what he's about to do, he gives her a hard kick to the ribs, causing her to fall hard onto the concrete floor. She wills herself not to cry out, because Jonas is right outside.

"That's for being a fucking bitch," he spits, and leaves the room.

A sharp pain shoots through her entire body when she moves, and she carefully puts one hand over her ribs, nearly unable to breathe. She waits for the pain to subside a little before she tries to heave herself up, but that only causes her more pain. "Fuck," she mutters, releasing a shaky breath. She looks up, but Ryleigh has turned away from her, not wanting to see this happen.

Jane decides to keep quiet, and carefully pushes herself up into a sitting position against the wall. It's quiet for a while, until she finally speaks.

"I know you never wanted things to go that way between us."

Ryleigh spins around, eyes wide.

"I know you needed the money, but you nearly caused Maura and I to break up. I can't forgive you for that."

Ryleigh pretends she doesn't tear up. She remains quiet.

"But you could've come to me, Ry. You didn't have to disappear off the face of the earth."

Jane's former best friend wipes at her eyes, before she surprised the brunette by sitting down next to her. "I couldn't face you," Ryleigh says softly. "You were so in love, Jane, and I felt so guilty. I thought I messed it all up. So I left, and tried to forget about everything and everyone."

The brunette smiles sadly. "We spent our entire childhood together."

"That's why I couldn't just forget," Ryleigh answers.

They fall silent after that. Jane nods, removing her hand from her ribs. As long as she remains still, there's not much pain.

 _And now what?_

..

..

The creak of hardwood doors opening makes Maura's head snap up. Two tiny hands are holding on to the blue door like it's the only safe place in the world. A blonde-haired boy peeks around the corner, eyes squinted against the suddenly bright daylight. It's Jonas.

 _Jane saved him. Where is she?_

"Hey little man," Frost is already on his way, motioning at the SWAT-teams to stay put. They immediately understand that a police officer looks a lot less scary than a SWAT-agent in a full bodysuit with a huge gun. The boy looks scared, but he seems to relax when he notices that Frost is a good guy.

When the boy is safe and being checked out by EMT's, Maura makes her way over to the fence that prevents them from getting too close to the building. Right when she wants to go past it, she feels two strong hands pull her back by her shoulders.

She turns around and is met by Barry's eyes, which reflect the exact things she's feeling.

"I need to go in there, Barry. I can't stand here, and, and … do nothing!"

When she makes another move towards the fence, Frost wraps his arms around her, keeping her from moving forward.

"You can't, Maura. You can't. She wouldn't want you to."

"And I don't want her to end up dead! She-"

"Listen. Jane will do anything to come back to you, Maura. Anything. You know that. She'll do everything in her power to come back to you, and she will make it out of there. I feel it."

"But, but …" the blonde falls silent, letting her head fall on his chest. Frost holds her even tighter.

"I know, Maura. I know."

..

..

Ryleigh remains next to Jane, until the sound of footsteps coming closer makes her head snap up. When her partner walks in, she immediately scrambles backwards, away from Jane. The brunette knows it's the wrong move when she sees the look on the man's face.

"What the fuck, Davis? Are you making friends with your hostages?"

The tone of his voice is wrong. Jane hears it, but can't do anything about it.

"No, I swear I wasn't!" Ryleigh says. "I was just-"

"You were just what?" He roars. "Telling her our escape route? You're fucking worthless!" When he raises his gun, time seems to slow down. Jane sees her former best friend raise her hands in a reflex, but a pair of hands won't stop a bullet. Ryleigh knows this too, of course, and makes eye contact with Jane for the last time.

Familiar eyes meet brown ones, and Jane still knows Ryleigh well enough to see that she's absolutely terrified.

The brunette's scream of "No!" is in synch with the gunshot that instantly kills her former best friend.

..

..

The sound of a gunshot startles them all. Maura immediately turns her head towards Korsak, who's already up on his feet and moving towards the SWAT-teams. Jonas has been taken to the hospital already, by a female EMT who looked a lot like Jane.

Korsak motions for her and Frost to come closer, and she catches snippets of their conversation as she makes her way over to the SWAT-van.

" ... _go inside ... cops in there."  
" she's MY responsibility ... her wife over there."  
" hostage situation ... treat like any other."_

Maura taps on Korsak's shoulder. "What is it?"

Korsak looks at Frost before telling her.

"SWAT wants to wait and see what happens. Maybe Ryleigh and her partner want to negotiate. We don't know how many cops are still in there, but we're five short. Jane included."

"We can't wait when they're shooting in there!" Maura yells. Frost looks apologetic. "Why haven't they come out?" the blonde asks, but she's not sure she wants to know the answer.

"They could be hiding," Frost answers. "It could be impossible to get out. Or they ... could be taken as hostages."

Maura closes her eyes.

..

..

In the few seconds of silence that follow the gunshot, Jane realizes two things. One: she will be the next victim if she doesn't do something right now. Two: Ryleigh never unholstered her gun, meaning it's still strapped to her waist. Jane can get to it, but only if she reaches over the body of her dead best friend.

The brunette looks up into the eyes of her attacker, before she frowns at something behind him, pretending someone's there. He turns his head and Jane immediately grabs Ryleigh's gun, pointing it at him. Her hand is steady, and she quickly takes a breath before pulling the trigger. But right when she shoots, the man realizes it's a trap and spins back around. The bullet hits him in the shoulder instead of the heart and doesn't instantly kill him. Terror shoots through Jane's body at the sight of him raising his gun at her, aiming randomly. She sees him pull the trigger before she fully realises what's going on.

At the sound of the gunshot, Jane turns away, but she can't prevent the bullet from hitting her in the abdomen. A hot, blinding pain shoots through her entire body and she fires the gun multiple times in blind panic, praying that he's still in the same spot. She can't see, she can't hear, all she knows is that this could be over in a matter of seconds.

 _Maura_. _I need to get to her. Please let her be okay._

When she regains her vision after a few seconds, she's looking straight into her attacker's eyes. He looks at her, surprised and defeated, before his legs give out and he falls to the floor. The last beats of his heart push blood from the bullet holes in his chest.

Jane does not remember getting up. She doesn't know how she gets down the stairs leading to the doors that'll lead outside. All she knows is that suddenly she finds herself staggering through the main hall, holding on to the wall with one hand to not double over in pain. The other hand is on her stomach, trying to stop the bleeding. It's not working.

She trips over her own feet and nearly falls, but manages to stay up somehow.

"You're almost there. Almost."

She doesn't recognize her own voice. Darkness creeps in around the edges of her vision, but she wills herself to stay conscious. The pain is now lessening rapidly, and she knows that's not a good sign.

She pushes against hardwood doors with the last strength she has, squinting her eyes against the harsh daylight that greets her.

..

..

Jane's seconds away from going into shock.

That's the first thing Maura notices when she sees her wife stumbling out of the building, looking completely disoriented. The brunette is clutching her stomach with one shaky hand, and the light-blue shirt Maura watched her put on this morning is stained with blood.

Two paramedics, a man and a woman, immediately rush towards her, Maura hot on their heels. A SWAT-team runs past them through the other door, into the building which Jane has finally gotten out of.

"Ma'am, can you hear me?" the man asks the brunette. Maura tries not to panic when her wife doesn't respond at all. The female paramedic tries to steady the brunette when her knees give out, but she eventually lowers Jane to the ground.

"Jane, honey," Maura crouches down and wants to grip Jane's wrist, but the male paramedic puts his arm forward, preventing her from touching Jane.

"Ma'am, I need you to step away."

"That woman is my _wife_ ," Maura spits, pushing his arm aside. "And I've successfully graduated from Medical School. I got this."

His eyes go wide, he's apparently not used to someone talking to him like this. He quickly looks over at his colleague for approval before stepping away, finally giving her the space she wants.

Maura immediately focuses on her wife, who's still not moving. She puts her hand on the brunette's arm, confirming what she already knows.

 _Cold, clammy skin. Sweat. Rapid pulse._

"Jane, honey," Maura says, trying to sound calm. She doesn't feel that way. "Can you look at me?"

The brunette doesn't obey. She stretches out her bloodied hands and looks at them as if they're not hers. Finally, her eyes move upwards and meet Maura's, not a single sign of recognition flickering in them.

The blonde is silent for a second, completely thrown off guard.

"It's me, Jane. I need to look at you," she says, carefully taking one of the brunette's bloody hands in hers.

"Don't touch," the brunette immediately says. Her voice sounds frightening, and it makes the hairs on Maura's arms stand up. When Maura tries again, Jane says it even louder. "Don't!"

"Honey," Maura tries to keep her voice steady. Steady and strong, like she learned in Medical School. Try to get in control of the situation. Calm the patient and tell them what you're doing.

But when she shifts to the other foot, she notices that there's blood dripping onto the sidewalk.

 _Dripping_. _She's still bleeding._

The blood is seeping through Jane's shirt, something Maura hadn't noticed yet. She was so focused on her wife's state of shock that she didn't remember to look if the blood had dried.

"Jane, I need you to tell me what happened." Maura's voice sounds urgent, unsteady.

"I can't feel anymore, Maura."

 _Okay, at least she remembers my name._

The brunette hasn't given consent, but Maura lifts her shirt up, motioning at the paramedics to get back. It's a gunshot wound, and it's bad. The blonde cannot seem to formulate a better sentence than that.

"I need help!" she yells. She can't do this on her own. The brunette looks completely zoned out and has stopped responding to her. Even when the same paramedics that she just sent away come back, Jane seems to react on autopilot, not saying a word.

"She's in psychological shock," Maura says when the paramedics kneel down next to her. "And she might go into hypovolemic shock too if she's not treated immediately." She tries to keep the panic out of her voice. "A gunshot wound to the abdomen has made her lose a lot of blood. There might be other injuries I'm not seeing. Take her, now."

The older man nods, and the woman is already opening her bag. "I'm going to give her sedatives that'll put her to sleep immediately. We need to get her onto a stretcher."

Maura, although she wants nothing more than to help her wife, steps away and lets the paramedics do their thing. She knows she's not capable of helping Jane right now, and she silently hates the brunette for making her feel things during times like these. She used to be able to handle things rationally, but ever since Jane has become a cop, every case and situation is personal.

When the stretcher with Jane on it is pushed into the ambulance, Maura jumps in with her, immediately closing the doors behind her so the male paramedic can start driving. The woman is sitting in the back with her, hooking Jane up to an IV.

The wailing of the sirens is louder than the steady beep of the heart monitor as they race through the city, and Maura reaches out to hold her wife's hand. The skin is pale, a little grey, and cold to the touch. The blonde shakes her head, trying to get the image of Jane on a morgue table out of her head. It doesn't work.

She gently lifts the brunette's hand to her lips, pressing a kiss to the skin. She expects Jane's chocolate brown eyes to open at the feeling, but they don't. The brunette is unconscious, and will stay that way for a while. Maura knows her wife needs surgery, and she'll be taken away from her the second they arrive at the hospital.

Rubbing the cold skin of her wife's hand, Maura tries not to cry.

"Stay with me, Jay. You can't leave me."

..

..

* * *

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 **Next chapter up on Wednesday! Only a two-day wait this time. If you want to get an email when I update, you can click on 'follow story' right below this. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

When Jane wakes up, she doesn't know where she is. All she knows is that the lights are way too bright and her ribs and stomach hurt like hell.

Then she catches a familiar scent, and she finally manages to keep her eyes open long enough to see who's there.

"Maura?"

The effort of speaking makes her cough immediately, which hurts her ribs, and she cries out in pain.

"Hey," Maura gets up from her chair, looking exhausted. "Calm down, honey. It's okay." She puts her hand on Jane's cheek, which feels flaming hot. She double checks and touches her wife's forehead, too. The brunette has a fever, but it doesn't seem to be very high. _It must be the medications,_ Maura thinks.

"Where? What?" the brunette manages. Her entire body hurts and she feels hazy.

"Mass General," Maura replies. "You have three bruised ribs, and .. and a gunshot wound. Somehow the bullet missed all your important organs. They managed to stitch it up, but it's going to hurt for a while." She takes her wife's hand in hers and pulls the chair closer so she can closer to Jane. "There was a shootout. At headquarters. Do you remember, Jane?"

For a couple of seconds, Jane doesn't reply. She tries to think about what she remembers, but ... "Jonas?"

"He's safe," Maura immediately says. "You got him out. You did so good, honey."

The brunette closes her eyes, too exhausted to keep them open any longer. Her head hurts too. She doesn't fall back asleep just yet, which Maura can tell by the sound of her wife's breathing.

Jane remembers walking up the stairs, and she remembers gunshots. The eyes of the officer who looked at her for a split second before he turned back. Then she remembers running upstairs, and thinking of Maura.

 _"Okay. Maura, I need you to do exactly what I say."_

 _The tone of her wife's voice makes the hairs on Maura's arm stand up._

 _"What is it, Jane?"_

 _"I need you to drop everything, take as many people as you can with you and go to the nearest emergency exit. Don't press the fire alarm and make sure nobody else does. Go now, Maura."_

And then. Later, much later. Jane remembers Ryleigh. She hears the gunshots in her mind, and tenses up, although she's safe in a hospital bed.

Maura immediately notices, and gently untangles their hands to press a kiss to her wife's cheek. "Jay?"

The chocolate brown eyes that meet hers are filled with grief.

"Ryleigh."

..

..

Everyone comes to visit, eventually.

The day after Jane has woken up, Maura finally agrees on letting people come visit. Everyone has been by already, but the brunette hadn't been awake.

When Frost and Korsak enter the room, the blonde tries to figure out what her wife is feeling, but the brunette makes it clear that she doesn't want Maura to. Instead, Jane bumps fists with Frost and smiles at Korsak, although the smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. Maura gets them all a coffee, and her wife a simple glass of water, which the brunette accepts grudgingly.

"How's Jonas?" Jane asks Frost, when they're all settled next to her bed. Talking hurts, but she does it anyway.

"He's fine. Didn't have a scratch. Physically, I mean."

The brunette nods. "And his mother? You went to his house before ... you know."

Something crosses his face, but Jane can't quite tell what it is. "Drunk. Still. The place is a mess, Jane."

The brunette hears what he doesn't say. She asks nonetheless.

"Where's he gonna go when he gets discharged?"

Frost looks at her apologetically. "Child Protection wants to take him away from his mother."

"Foster Care?" The brunette clenches her fists. "You can't be serious!"

Frost holds up his hand. "Don't rage at me, Jane. You can rage at the woman who comes to pick him up later. I didn't do it."

The brunette averts her eyes. "Sorry," she mumbles. "What about the case? Have you found anyone?"

During these few hectic days, Maura has almost forgotten that they haven't solved the boy case yet. Charlie's parents and Mason's parents are still waiting for the killer to get caught. Maura also didn't know why the shootout at Headquarters happened either, but eventually Frost told her. The fact that it didn't even have to do with the boy case had made her even angrier.

Korsak is the one to answer Jane's question. "No, we can't interview Jonas yet. Besides, we were a bit busy with other things." He motions at her. "And you're definitely not cleared for duty, Rizzoli. You're going to recover and whether you like it or not, you cannot be working the case."

Jane knows better than to protest.

She tries to sit up a little straighter, but tears spring to her eyes at the flash of pain that shoots through her body. Maura notices, but doesn't reach out for her wife. She's tried that a couple of times, but Jane didn't want to be touched. Even when the blonde had to tell her wife that Ryleigh has already been buried, and the brunette wasn't awake when it happened, Jane didn't want to be comforted. Eventually, Jane agreed to hold Maura's hand, because the blonde felt helpless.

Maura watches her wife closely during her colleague's visit. Jane smiles when something funny is said, she eventually takes her wife's hand without flinching, but other than that, the brunette is fairly quiet.

Even when Angela comes by with Frankie in tow, and Frost and Korsak have to leave, the brunette's attitude doesn't change much. Jane sees that Frankie nearly cries at the sight of his sister in a hospital bed, but she pretends not to notice. Her mother wants to hug her, but the brunette waves her away.

"No, Ma. No hugging."

"Four days! My baby!" Angela says. "You were unconscious for four whole days, and I can't even hug you."

Jane looks at Maura questioningly, trying to confirm if what Angela says is true. Has she really been unconscious for that long? Maura's small nod confirms it.

"You've been here already, Ma. I'm sure you hugged me, or held my hand or something," Jane says. "Just because I can't remember doesn't mean you should do it again."

Frankie laughs at that. "There's my sister."

They sit down in the chairs where Korsak and Frost sat a few minutes ago. Angela looks at Maura, who's still standing at the foot of the hospital bed.

"Maura, you could go home for a bit," Angela says. "We're here now. And you haven't been home in nearly five days."

Jane looks at her wife. "You didn't tell me that." She sounds a bit angry.

"I didn't see how it would be beneficial to your recovery." Maura is aware that she really sounds like doctor Isles now, but she can't help it. Her wife's tone is accusing, and she immediately feels the need to defend herself. "Besides, you haven't really asked, Jane."

The brunette's expression turns cold. But before she can reply, Frankie cuts in, preventing them from getting in a fight.

"Maura, we're staying here for a bit anyways. You come back after you've showered and changed, okay?"

The blonde nods, grabbing her bag and phone from her chair.

"I'll call you if there's a change of plans."

..

..

Maura comes home to a huge pile of mail and newspapers. She puts them down on the counter before plugging her phone into her charger and getting herself a glass of water.

It's true, she really hasn't been home since the shooting. When Jane was in surgery, she stayed in the hospital, waiting for the results. Then, her wife was in a coma for four agonizingly long days. She stayed by Jane's side, just looking at her and holding her hand, waiting for her to wake up. Everyone had supported her, and told her Jane would be fine. Still, there was this part of her mind that kept saying " _what if"._

When those chocolate brown eyes had finally opened, the blonde nearly cried. In fact, she did cry, but not until much later, when Jane had already fallen back asleep.

Now her wife is distant, and Maura doesn't know what to do. She tries to take comfort in the fact that Jane at least talks to people and doesn't shut everyone out, which she used to do when she was younger. When they were younger. The blonde grabs one of the newspapers, hoping to be able to take her mind off things for a bit.

But the front page of the newspaper immediately catches her attention.

It's a photo of Jane.

The brunette is sitting in the middle of the road, with Maura crouching in front of her, holding her hands. The title reads _Several cops shot in dramatic hostage situation at BPD._ Her wife, on the front page. If she'd ever wanted to end up there in the first place, this is certainly not how.

Maura throws the newspaper over her shoulder and hears it land somewhere near the couch. She doesn't want to see it anymore. Not today. Not ever, maybe.

She puts her head in her hands and takes a deep breath.

This is definitely not how she imagined things to go. She thought Jane would wake up and hold her close. They'd hold hands and talk about the what ifs that are still stuck in Maura's mind. It seems she has to deal with them alone, for now.

She decides to do what Frankie told her, and gets up to take a shower. The clothes she's wearing are five days old, although Angela had brought a change of clothes for her. Just when she wanted to put them on, Jane had woken up, and it didn't matter what she was wearing anymore. She wanted to be with her wife.

Eventually, she manages to take a shower, standing on wobbly legs from the lack of sleep and food. She pulls a sweatshirt over her head and wiggles herself into light blue jeans, before putting a pair of sneakers on her feet and looking in the mirror.

Apart from the bags under her eyes and her hair that's still wet, she looks pretty good.

Then, "Maura? Are you here?"

Angela. The blonde immediately panics. Her phone is downstairs. She could have missed a call about Jane, and-

She runs down the stairs, speeding around the corner, only to see Jane's mother preparing a cup of coffee for the both of them.

"What's wrong? Is it Jane?" she asks.

Angela smiles softly at her immediate concern. "Nothing's wrong. Janie's fine. How are you, Maura?"

The blonde tries to calm her racing heart, and sits down on one of the bar stools. "I'm fine."

Jane's mother looks at her questioningly. "I didn't ask you that question just so you could reassure me, Maura. I'm used to Jane's responses. She seems to have rubbed off on you."

Maura smiles at that. "I'm fine, Angela. Really. I'm just worried about Jane and her recovery."

The blonde accept the cup of coffee from Jane's mother and carefully takes a sip.

"She's a tough girl. With your support, she'll be fine," Angela replies.

They fall silent for a bit, until Maura realizes something.

"I noticed you didn't bring Tommy," she asks gently. Neither Jane nor Frankie have talked about their younger brother in a while.

Angela's expression turns sad immediately. She doesn't immediately answer, and Maura is about to apologize for the question, when Jane's mother starts talking. "To be honest," she starts, "I don't know where he is. He isn't staying with his usual friends, and he didn't tell me about a job. I have no idea what he's doing."

Maura frowns. She knows that Jane has been concerned about her little brother and what he's been doing, but they hadn't really talked about it yet.

"You really don't know where he is or when he'll be back?"

Angela shakes her head.

"No. He doesn't even know his sister is in the hospital. I don't know what to do. What if something happened to him, too?"

Maura puts her hand on Angela's arm. "He'll be fine. And he'll come back. I don't know when, but he'll be back. Of course he will."

Jane's mother smiles sadly.

"Just don't tell Janie, okay? I don't want her to worry about him."

..

..

Frankie is still in the hospital with Jane.

They play a card game, and he tries to make her laugh, but the brunette says it hurts. She doesn't often admit that, so Frankie doesn't mock her for saying it. He zones out for a bit, and Jane waves her pair of cards in front of his face, trying to catch his attention.

"What's going on, Frankie?"

He looks up at his sister, sighing.

"I don't want to talk about it," he replies. "Let's continue."

"No," Jane counters. She winces when she makes a wrong move, and a spasm of pain crosses her face. Frankie notices and reaches out for her immediately, but she holds up her hand to stop him. "I'm fine. Now tell me what's going on. Does it have to do with what happened?"

Her brother nods, but doesn't elaborate.

"Fine," the brunette huffs. "I'll play detective, then. That man and ...," she swallows, "Ryleigh, were already being hunted by the drug unit. You're in the drug unit. So, you feel guilty for not catching them earlier?"

Frankie's eyes widen, surprised at his sister's skills. "Uh, yeah. I mean, Janie ... I could've prevented this. If we'd just caught them earlier, this all wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't have gotten shot, Jonas wouldn't have had to go through that. We all wouldn't have had to go through this. It's my fault."

"Hey," Jane interrupts forcefully. "Stop that. None of this is your fault."

"Yes it is!" He counters. "We had an opportunity to catch them two weeks ago. Another deal in the harbor, but a smaller one than the one from last week. We didn't go."

Jane shakes her head. "Who made the call, Frankie? Who decided you weren't going to go?"

Frankie looks away. "My boss."

"So what could you have done?" the brunette asks gently. "It was his call. If there's even anyone to blame for this, it should be him. Not you."

A knock on the door makes them look up. A tall, short haired woman walks into the room, and she holds herself like a leader. Jane doesn't like it.

"Good afternoon. You must be Jane Rizzoli."

The brunette frowns. "Yes, I am. What is it?"

"I'm Ashley from Child Protection Services. You wanted to speak to me about Jonas?"

Jane's expression hardens. "Yes. I heard you're going to bounce him around in the system. I won't let him go through that."

"Well, what do you want to do?" the woman replies defensively. "Take care of him yourself? I would say, in your current situation, that's impossible. Besides, I can't allow that. He's going into Foster Care."

"You can't do that to him! That boy is traumatized!" she yells at Ashley, who stays very calm on her part. Jane's ribs immediately protest at the force she puts behind her words.

"I know, detective. We have special families who are trained in caring for these children. Jonas will be safe, I can guarantee that."

Frankie puts his hand on her shoulder.

She knows she can't win this fight, and she hates herself for it.

"Jonas deserves better," she mumbles, and Ashley has the decency to look a little apologetic.

"I promise I will look for the absolute best options for him," she replies. "I want him to be happy just as much as you do, detective."

Jane doesn't reply.

"If you give me your number, I'll let you know where he's going to be placed," Ashley continues. "But that's really all I can do for you."

Just like that, the conversation is over. Ashley reaches out to shake Jane's hand, which she accepts with a forced smile. She points at her business card that's laying on the table, and Frankie hands it over to the woman. With a small nod, Ashley leaves the room again.

Jane feels like she's losing everything.

..

* * *

 **It's gonna get even more emotionally draining before it gets better. Can you still handle it, friends? For the next couple of chapters, remember that these ladies won't just let each other walk away.**

 **Next chapter up on Friday or Saturday.** **Akalittlered2, katie1370, sally rally, Kik, Tingtorn78, sweetkid45, janeandmaura05 and Veronica29, thank you so much. I feel like I say the same thing every chapter, but THANK YOU. Each review means so much more than you think. I love that you take your time to write something about this story. Please keep doing it. They encourage me.**


	9. Chapter 9

Four days after Jane has woken up, she's finally discharged.

Maura picks her up from the hospital, and on the ride home, the brunette falls asleep against the car window. She's just had an extra dose of pain medication, and it's made her sleepy.

The blonde steals a few glances at her wife when they're waiting for a red light. She looks at Jane's loose-fitting shirt a couple of times, just to make sure she's not bleeding again. Maura can't get the image of Jane bleeding on the sidewalk out of her head.

Where Jane was talkative in the hospital, she has completely shut down after Maura came to pick her up. The blonde is worried out of her mind, but doesn't address it just yet. She hopes the brunette will come to her when they're in the privacy of their own home.

When she pulls into their driveway, the brunette is still asleep. Maura knows she needs to wake her up to get her inside, because she can't carry Jane and because she knows that could break the stitches on Jane's abdomen. She presses a kiss to her wife's temple and Jane stirs, sighing in her sleep.

"Honey. We're home," Maura whispers, softly stroking the brunette's forehead.

"Nhh," the brunette mumbles, pulling herself from her slumber. "Already?" She blinks a couple of times before sitting up straight, and taking a deep breath. She smiles shortly at her wife before opening the car door. She heaves herself out the car, swatting Maura's hand away when she tries to help.

When they're inside, the blonde is hanging up her coat when Jane talks. "I'm going to take a shower," she says, already turning away from her wife to make her way up the stairs. Maura stops her before she reaches the bottom step.

"I need to redo your bandage after you've showered," she says. "Can you shout when you're done?"

Jane shakes her head. "I can manage, Maura."

The blonde frowns. "You can't redo your bandage by yourself, Jane. You're still in pain. Besides, I'm not sure you know-."

"Sure I can," the brunette cuts her off. "I'll be down in twenty."

Maura watches her wife heave herself up the stairs, not saying anything else. When Jane is out of sight, she sighs heavily before walking to the kitchen. The fridge is filled with all kinds of food, but she doesn't feel like cooking dinner at all. She opts for toasting some bread while she waits for Jane to finish.

The shower is turned off after ten minutes, but the brunette doesn't reappear. Jane usually only needs five minutes to redress, but Maura figures it might take her twice as long today. Still, that doesn't explain why Jane still isn't downstairs after fifteen minutes.

Maura decides to go upstairs and have a look, although her wife said she didn't need to. When she knocks on the bathroom door and doesn't get a response, she pushes it open immediately, already a million possible scenarios in her head.

The brunette is standing in front of the full-length mirror, a towel wrapped around her waist. The blood stained bandage on her abdomen immediately draws Maura's attention. "Jane!" she gasps, nearly stumbling into the bathroom. "Why didn't you call for me?"

Maura puts her hands on her wife's sides, carefully turning her towards her. She ignores how Jane winces when she removes the bandage, already grabbing a new one from the medical cupboard above the sink.

The brunette doesn't move through the entire process, but when Maura has to press down on the skin near the bullet wound, she cries out in pain. The knuckles of her hand that's gripping the sink turn white, and the blonde apologizes immediately.

"Sorry, Jay. I had to," she says, standing up to her full length so she can look into Jane's eyes. "Why didn't you call for me?"

Jane doesn't respond. She looks at herself in the mirror and starts untangling her brown curls with her fingers.

"Hey!" Maura says forcefully. "I just want to help, Jane."

"I don't need help."

The doctor shakes her head in disbelief. She knew her wife was stubborn, but this is new for her.

"You do!"

Jane doesn't respond. Maura tries again.

"This can't be a one-sided conversation. I can't be the one yelling all the time!"

"So stop yelling." Final.

"I want to talk to you, Jane," the blonde pleads. She cannot stand to see her detective in pain.

"Well I don't want to talk to you." Jane turns away from her wife, ignoring the everlasting pain in her ribs and stomach. Maura grabs her wrist to prevent the brunette from walking away, but Jane tears herself loose with a grunt. "Let me go."

Maura eventually obeys and watches her go, towel still wrapped around her waist.

..

..

When Jane finally makes herself go downstairs, the blonde is nowhere to be found.

Jane stands still in the kitchen, not calling out for her wife just yet. Eventually, she hears a faint sound of music coming from the back of the house, where Maura has her own small dance studio. She used to have one at home when she was younger, and when they got married, the blonde had been sad that she had to leave it behind. Jane opted for a new studio, and they had it built.

She tiptoes through the hallway, although the music is loud enough that Maura won't be able to hear her anyway. When she rounds the corner, she immediately catches sight of her wife, through the small windows in the wall.

Maura is dancing with her pointe shoes on her feet, and it has been ages since Jane has seen her dance like that. She shoves her hands in the back pockets of her jeans and leans closer to the window, mesmerized.

 _So send me back a thousand days  
To that first night at your old place_

The blonde's arms go up and she bends backwards into a small arch. She makes it look so easy that Jane wonders if she really hasn't practiced in months.

 _And tell me how it ends  
_ _I'd do it all again_

She spins four times and leaps into the air, landing on both feet before jumping up again.

 _Now all the shapes I know are gone_  
 _Charts and maps I've drawn just get me lost_  
 _And I'm falling off the edge_  
 _And you make me want to change with the look on your face  
_

Jane doesn't realize she's crying until something wet falls on her shirt, and she looks down. Gravity pulls another tear loose and she quickly wipes at her eyes, pressing herself harder against the wall. As if it can make her and her feelings disappear.

When Maura goes through the first position, into a fourth (Jane is surprised she still remembers those terms) and turns towards the window, the brunette sees that she's crying too. Although you won't notice it if you'd just look at the blonde's dancing, because Maura has complete control over her movements. Still.

Jane wants to walk into that room and wrap her wife up in a hug. She wants to kiss the tears away and bury her nose in those blonde locks. She wants to apologize for being an asshole and make Maura feel better. To make her continue to believe in them, together. That they will make it.

Instead, she turns and walks away.

She can't.

..

..

The brunette finds herself on the couch a few minutes later, trying to get comfortable. There's no position that helps lessen the pain in her abdomen, and she sighs, flipping through the channels to distract herself. She opts for the Fox Sports channel, which doesn't end up being a very good idea, because she wants to yell and jump up when the referee and the players don't do what she wants them to do.

An hour and a half later, Maura emerges from the hallway, and Jane can smell her shampoo from where she's sitting on the couch. The blonde's hair is up in a messy bun and she walks into the kitchen without saying a word. The brunette remains quiet too, and doesn't move her eyes from the screen, although she wants to turn around and apologize. She doesn't.

"Frost called," she says instead. "He's coming over in five to talk about the case. They caught the man behind the abductions. The information from Jonas has caused the break."

"Okay."

Now Jane does turn around, although it makes her wince immediately. "Really? Just okay? No 'I'm so happy the case is finally over'?"

Maura sets her lips in a straight line. "Why should I talk if you don't?"

"That's how you're going to be?" the brunette rolls her eyes.

Maura turns away, swallowing past the lump in her throat. She doesn't have the energy to fight, especially because she doesn't understand why Jane is being like this.

The sound of the football game on the TV is the only noise in the living room until the doorbell rings. Jane is already pushing herself up from the couch before Maura can even move.

"Hey, Frost," the brunette sounds even more tired if Maura only listens to her voice. "You did it. It's solved. Finally."

Jane doesn't sound happy, but Maura does hear a smile in Frost's voice. "I didn't do it all by myself, Jane. You-"

But then they round the corner to the living room, and Frost notices Maura standing in the kitchen.

"Hey, Maur! Did you hear?"

If he notices the tension in the room, he doesn't let it show on his face.

"I did," she forces a smile. "I bet Jonas helped a tremendous amount."

Frost nods. "He did. Come sit, I'll talk you through it."

She pretends to think, but already knows she's going to decline. "Sorry. I really have to clean up the kitchen. You talk to Jane."

He shrugs. "Okay. If you stay in the room, you can listen too."

...

...

"He wasn't hurt. That's the most important part," Frost says, looking at his partner. They're sitting on the couch, facing each other.

"How did you find the man behind all of this?" Jane asks.

Her partner thinks of the conversation he had with Jonas, in one of the offices at Foster Care headquarters.

 _"He thought I was his son," Jonas sounds as confused as he must feel. "But I didn't know who he was."  
_ _Frost's eyes flicker up at that, and he thinks for a bit about the next question. "How long was the walk to the hospital?" he asks.  
_ _The blonde-haired boy shrugs. "Not that long. Only a few streets."_

"Then we narrowed it down to the area around the hospital and again looked at the fathers who'd lost a son. We showed Jonas pictures, and got him."

The brunette frowns. "So it was one of the men we interviewed earlier? How is it possible that we missed it the first time?"

"The man's a good liar," Frost offers. "And you know we didn't have time to check all the alibi's. We had to interview twenty people in one day, remember? It was a long shot."

Jane avers her eyes. She wishes they'd caught him before all of this had happened, although that's impossible. "Have you already questioned him? What was his reason for doing all of this?"

Frost swallows before answering.

"We were spot on. He lost his six year old son and his wife in a car accident, a couple of years ago. He hasn't gotten over it. The past few months, he has been observing boys who didn't get picked up from school and were walking by themselves. It was just observing at first, but it eventually turned into abduction."

Jane sets her jaw, something she always does when she's angry. She cannot believe someone would do this.

"He abducted those boys when he was in a dissociative state," Frost continues. "And when his mind cleared a little, he'd realize what he had done, and kill them." Frost looks at the brunette, who's on the verge of tears. "He's sick, Jane. Traumatized. Mentally ill."

"Still!" she counters immediately. Her voice waves slightly. "That doesn't give him the right to do this. Whenever his mind cleared, he could've let those boys go."

"I know," Frost immediately replies. "But he said he was so angry at those parents who let their son walk home alone. He wishes he could still pick up his own son. It's a punishment, in a way."

In the kitchen, Maura looks at the clock before slipping two painkillers into a glass of water and walking towards Jane.

 _We'll have to do it this way then_ , she thinks to herself. Asking is not an option.

"Here. Takes these." She hands the glass to her wife, who looks up at her tone, but doesn't protest. The brunette carefully wraps her long fingers around the glass and lifts it to her lips, emptying it in two big sips. She hands the glass back to Maura, and their fingers brush when the blonde takes it back from her.

Frost watches the interaction with a frown. Maura doesn't reach out for her wife more than necessary, although he can tell that she wants to. Jane holds herself like she's in pain. Sadly, he knows exactly what that looks like. But he knows better than to comment on it. They have to figure this out for themselves.

When Maura walks away again, this time opting for the stairs leading to the first floor, Frost sees his partner sigh.

"Look, Jane," he starts. Jane cuts him off immediately. "If this is about me or Maura or the both of us, please do not."

He shakes his head. "I just wanted to apologize." When Jane looks at him, clearly confused, he decides to elaborate. "I brought Jonas to the station. I told you you could take him, because I know you wanted to."

The brunette stops him immediately. "I don't blame you for anything. And you shouldn't blame yourself either. Jonas made it out of the building without a scratch, you just said so yourself. I got out, not without a scratch," she motions at herself, laughing a little, "but I got out. We're safe."

Frost straightens his shirt out of nervousness, looking away from Jane.

"Okay," he eventually says. "But if there's anything I can do, y'know ..."

Jane pretends to think.

"Yeah, there is one thing ..." she pushes his shoulder playfully when he looks at her, waiting. "Watch this game with me."

He laughs, nodding.

"Sure, partner."

..

..

When Frost has left, Jane goes upstairs too. She meets her wife in the hallway, and manages a few words.

"I'm gonna go to bed. I'm tired."

Maura bites back the words _but you haven't had dinner yet_. She knows they won't do any good.

"Okay," she says instead and looks at her wife's back as she makes her way down the hallway. But something makes her call out for Jane before she's out of sight.

The brunette turns around, searching for the doctor's eyes. "Yeah."

"I need to tell you something."

Jane doesn't move. She's immediately on edge, trying to decipher the meaning behind Maura's tone.

"What is it?"

The blonde averts her eyes. "Tommy is gone."

The brunette frowns. This isn't what she'd been expecting. "What do you mean he's gone?"

"I mean," Maura tries to explain what Angela said to her when she came home from the hospital. "Tommy's missing. Angela doesn't know where he is, neither does Frankie. No one really knows what he's doing or where he is. Angela told me when I got home earlier this week. She didn't want you to worry, so she didn't tell you."

Jane shrugs. "He's probably drunk, or working a job somewhere. Or both." Still, the brunette doesn't feel as calm as she seems.

Maura closes half of the distance between them. "Your mother is worried," she adds.

"What do you want me to do?" Jane asks sharply. "It's not like I'm going to run around searching for him."

"I don't expect you to, Jane," the blonde counters. "I just wanted to tell you, before you accuse me of deliberately leaving you out of things."

The detective doesn't have a response to that. She shrugs again, pretending to be uninterested.

"I'll ask him where the hell he's been when he comes back."

Maura steps closer and boldly puts her hand on Jane's shoulder, leaving no room for her to back away. She notices that her wife leans into the touch, even if it's only slightly.

 _She still wants this. She still wants me._

"I'm proud of you."

It's a totally different conversation than the one they were just having, but Jane understands nevertheless. That doesn't mean that she's suddenly going to show her feelings, but Maura's aware of this. Before Jane gets the chance to tear herself loose, the blonde quickly places a kiss on her cheek and squeezes her wife's waist, letting go.

Jane immediately turns, and for the third time today, Maura watches her walk away.

..

* * *

 **Remember, our ladies will be fine. No actual breakups. Although this might hurt worse, but ... I'll leave you to it. It hurts me to write this, but it's kinda .. healing? In a way? As always, let me know what you think.  
**


	10. Chapter 10

Sleeping next to Jane means waking up in the middle of the night, when she shifts and accidentally elbows you in the side. The soothing kiss always comes quickly, pressed to whatever part of your body happens to be closest to her mouth at that moment. It also means falling asleep on separate sides of the bed, but somehow finding each other again while you sleep.

The best part is when the alarm clock goes off, and she reaches over you to shut it off. Despite her sleepy eyes and tousled hair, she's still the most beautiful person you've ever seen. Nine times out of ten, she lies back down and cuddles into your side and you wrap your arm around her, holding her close. She will mumble ' _Just a few more minutes, Maur'_ and close her eyes again.

You will stay awake, because you know she's going to fall back asleep. After more than a few minutes, you will gently stroke her hair and press a kiss to her forehead, waking her up once again. She will smile and briefly open her eyes, before she kisses you on the lips. Morning breath be damned.

Today, these things are absent.

Jane is already fast asleep when Maura enters their bedroom, many hours after the brunette said she was going to bed. Jane is laying on her good side, facing away from Maura, with her arms wrapped around herself. Protecting, even in her sleep.

The blonde brushes her teeth and changes into her nightgown before slipping under the covers, careful not to wake her wife. But the brunette doesn't wake up, the medications have taken their toll on her once again.

Maura keeps the light next to her bed on for a while to be able to read. She's going back to work tomorrow, because she has been absent for nearly a week and they caught a new case. Jane is home, safe and recovering, so Maura doesn't really have a reason to stay away from work anymore. She wants to take care of her wife, but if Jane doesn't want to be taken care of...

The brunette obviously can't go back to work yet, and Maura has asked Frankie to come over tomorrow. She knows Angela won't be good company for her wife right now. Just when she wants to continue reading, the brunette mumbles in her sleep.

"No .. dontwanna .." The brunette rolls onto her back and Maura looks at her, but her eyes are still closed. "Let me .. please."

Maura leans in and softly kisses her cheek, and the brunette quiets immediately.

"Honey. Keep sleeping. It's okay."

"Maur?"

The soft, vulnerable whisper of her name makes the blonde tear up. It's obvious that her wife is still half-asleep, otherwise she definitely wouldn't call her that. Not after how she's been acting the past few days.

"You're okay," she manages. Jane's eyes remain closed, and her breathing eventually evens out again. She probably won't remember any of this tomorrow, and Maura doesn't know if that thought makes her happy or sad.

She decides to put her book on her night stand, and switches off her night light before laying back down under the covers. The brunette is still laying on her back, but Maura refrains from reaching out to her, afraid she will either hurt her or wake her up.

Although her thoughts initially won't stop racing, she falls asleep within minutes, the events of the last few days catching up on her.

..

..

Frankie shows up at exactly eight in the morning, two cups of coffee in his hand.

"Hey, Maura. I stopped at the corner to get some coffee, this is for you. I figured Jane'd still be in bed."

He hands her the coffee and she takes it from him, wrapping her cold fingers around the warm cup.

"Thank you, Frankie," she smiles gratefully. "Yes, Jane is still asleep."

He puts his phone down on the counter and takes off his jacket, holding onto it for a bit.

"How are you holding up?"

Once again, she notices that his eyes look like Jane's. Tears well up in her eyes, and he looks at her, alarmed.

"Maura! What's wrong?"

She shakes her head, trying to shake the tears away. "It's nothing bad," she manages. "It's just ... Jane doesn't talk."

He doesn't say ' _oh, is that all'_ or thinks it's weird she's worried. He wraps her up in a hug, and despite the fact that it's a little awkward, she appreciates it nonetheless. When she pulls away, he patiently waits for her to elaborate.

"Yesterday, she didn't let me redo her bandage. And she's withdrawn. She doesn't want to talk about what happened."

"That's nothing new, though," he offers. "What's different this time?"

"I can't touch her. We held hands in the hospital, but other than that, she flinches and pulls away. I don't know how she's feeling and why she's doing this."

"Have you asked?"

Maura nods. "Yeah, but then she walks away without responding."

Frankie knows she's not done talking, and he doesn't interrupt.

"I really thought I was going to lose her," Maura continues, her voice wavering. "And I know it sounds stupid, but when I held her hand in the ambulance, I saw all the things we're still supposed to do and experience together disappear right in front of me. I just want her to be here for me and reassure me that we're going to be fine and that she's not gone. And I want her to let me be there for her, too."

He sighs, because he knows there's nothing he can do about it right now.

"You just have to remember that you're the one she cares about most, Maura. Not me, not Frost, you," he says. "We all know that, and it's okay."

She remains quiet.

"Even if it doesn't feel that way right now, she still loves you. And she will talk to you, eventually. Just don't push too hard right now, Maura. That's really all I can say."

The blonde smiles shortly. She knows Frankie can't really help her. Jane and her have to solve this.

"Thank you," Maura replies before taking a sip of her coffee, grabbing her phone from the counter with her free hand. "I'm going to work now. Just call me if there's anything, okay?"

Frankie smiles back.

"Always."

..

..

When Jane arrives downstairs nearly three hours later, she sees Frankie sitting on their couch.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, plopping down on the couch next to him. "I thought you were working today."

"I was," he replies. "But your wife asked me to come, and I had some vacation days left. Maura thought having Angela over probably wouldn't be beneficial to your recovery."

Jane smiles. "Ugh. I don't even want to _think_ about having Ma over. Can you imagine?"

"I'd probably have to come and arrest someone at the end of the day," Frankie laughs, before he turns serious again. "How are you, Jane?"

The brunette immediately stops smiling, already suspicious. "Why would you ask? I'm home again, I'm recovering, I didn't die …. So, I'd say pretty good?"

He looks at her knowingly, and she immediately feels attacked.

"I met a crying Maura in the kitchen this morning."

Jane looks down. Anything to not see the disappointment in her brother's eyes.

"So once again, how are you doing?"

"Fine," she mumbles. " _I'm_ fine."

He puts his pointer finger under her chin, urging her to look up at him. "No, you're not fine," he says. "You're being a stubborn asshole."

The sudden expletive that falls from his mouth makes the brunette laugh, although she doesn't smile for very long.

"I will not let Maura walk away from you, from _us_ , because you're not talking to her," Frankie adds. "You love her. Why shut her out?"

Jane wants to get up from the couch and walk away. She wants to be mad at her brother for all these accurate statements. He's right. Of course he is.

"It just … It hurts," she admits, closing her eyes against the wave of guilt that always comes when saying this. "It hurts so much, and I don't want to share it with her, because I just want her to be happy. I can keep the pain for myself if that's what it takes for her to be happy. I don't want her to go through this."

"She's already going through this," Frankie interrupts softly. "Because you're going through this. Don't you understand?"

Jane doesn't respond.

"What hurts?" Frankie tries, hoping his sister won't shut him out. It doesn't seem like it, right now.

The brunette looks at her brother, into eyes that are so much like her own.

"I hate myself for not protecting Ryleigh. I hate myself for not being able to keep Jonas from having to go into Foster Care. And to top that off, I pissed off my wife because I'm unable to show emotions."

Frankie nods. He doesn't mock her. He understands.

"Just tell her that. Tell her exactly that. Can you do that?"

The brunette shakes her head. A tear drips from the tip of her nose onto her grey sweatpants.

"Okay. Okay," he says, putting his arm around her shoulders. He doesn't pull her close, because he knows that'll hurt. "But just say _something,_ Jane. Anything. You have to."

After a few more minutes, the brunette pulls away, wiping her eyes.

"Thanks, brother." She heaves herself up from the couch, stomach already rumbling.

"No problem. But I didn't go to the Academy only to become a relation therapist, so for the rest of the year, you're going to have to solve your own problems."

She punches his shoulder so he knows.

..

..

Constance shows up at work.

Maura is just finishing up a first report when she gets a call from the front desk, saying someone's asking for her. She frowns, immediately thinking of Jane, but the brunette wouldn't let the front desk call downstairs. She'd just come down herself.

The blonde takes the elevator to the ground floor and when she steps into the lobby, her eyes get wide.

"Mother?"

"Maura!" Constance says excitedly. She walks towards her daughter, handbag in one hand, her phone in the other. They hug shortly, before Maura pulls away and smoothens her dress. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard about Jane," Constance says. "You didn't call me?"

She sounds hurt, but she hides it well enough that other people won't notice.

Maura is a little taken aback. "I didn't ... I ... Angela was there, and uh, I didn't know if you wanted to come. You were busy, probably." The blonde still has trouble getting used to a loving mother, although Jane's mother has set a great example already. But accepting the display of affection from her own mother is still a hard task for her.

"I want to show up for my family," Constance replies. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Maura thinks for a bit before shaking her head. "I don't think so, Mother. She's recovering at home."

Constance nods. "What injuries did she sustain?"

The blonde ticks everything off like a to-do list. "She was in psychological shock after leaving the building, but we managed to prevent her from going into hypervolemic shock. She has three bruised ribs and a gunshot wound to the abdomen, the bullet was removed during surgery and the wound has been stitched up."

"And psychological?"

Maura hesitates. "To be honest, we haven't really talked."

Constance frowns. "What do you mean?"

"She shuts me out. I don't know if she has PTSD. She appeared to be having a nightmare last night, but it's really too soon to tell." The blonde looks away, slightly ashamed that she's sharing all of this with her mother in the lobby of the department. Luckily, they're standing far enough to prevent anyone from hearing their conversation.

Her mother looks at her. "She will come back to you. I know that. She loves you, Maura."

"Everyone keeps saying that, but I'm not so sure anymore," the blonde confesses.

"Of course she loves you," Constance says, frowning a little. "Her face lights up when you walk into the room, Maura. She would do anything for you. There's no way this is going to make the two of you break up. I won't let that happen, because if there's a need to, I'll talk to her myself."

"Mhm," Maura mumbles, but a smile is tugging on the corners of her lips.

"Oh!" Constance suddenly realizes something, opening her bag. "I got something for you and Jane, and ... whoever you'd like to take with you."

She pulls out four small paper tickets, and Maura doesn't immediately understand what they're for. Her mother notices and starts to explain.

"These tickets are for the State Tournament. The girl's soccer team from you high school? The one Jane used to be on? They have made it to the State Championships again. I thought you might want to go and relive your youth. And I think Jane would enjoy seeing those girls play."

Maura puts her hand over her mouth. "Mother! How did you ... This is incredible. But, Jane isn't fully recovered yet. She can't sit in the cold for that long."

"I know," Constance replies. "The game isn't until January 7th. It's only November 22nd, you should be fine."

The blonde wraps her arms around her mother, delighted. "Thank you! Thank you so much."

Constance smiles. "No problem, Maura. Now get back to work, I'm sure you're busy."

Maura nods. This is the woman she knows best.

"I will. Thank you so much, Mother."

..

..

When she gets home, Frankie has already left. He texted her an hour ago that he was going home, and that Jane would manage until she got there.

She takes off her heels and puts them in the shoe closet in the hallway before she hangs up her coat. All of a sudden, an unfamiliar sound reaches her ears, and she freezes.

A piano.

The blonde stays still for a bit, trying to decipher where the sound is coming from. It seems to be coming from upstairs, from their bedroom. She silently walks up the stairs and rounds the corner, before she sees what's going on.

Jane is sitting on their bed, legs crossed, face towards the door. She's playing a slow melody on an old, dusty keyboard.

Maura realizes that her wife looks ... peaceful. She's not at war with herself, or fighting against conflicting emotions. She leans against the door frame and speaks softly, to not startle her wife.

"Where'd you get that?" the blonde asks, putting one hand against the cool wood to calm herself.

The brunette stops playing immediately. She glances at her wife, a guilty look on her face.

"I had Frankie stop by a second-hand store earlier today. Someone had just brought this in, 'cause they found it in the attic and didn't use it anymore. A couple of keys have stopped working, but it plays fine."

Maura is, for the second time today, taken aback. This whole sentence contains more words than the brunette has said to her in the past few days combined. She doesn't know how to respond, so she ends up being silent.

The brunette looks up again. "It's like I can finally breathe again, you know?" Her eyes are a bit cloudy, as if she's far away with her mind. Maybe she is.

Maura nods. She could cry out of relief, because it seems her wife is finally opening up to her. "I think I understand. It's the same thing I feel when I get nervous and recite facts to myself."

Jane smiles shortly, before her face turns serious again. "It's nice."

The blonde wants to walk up to her wife and wrap her up in her arms. She doesn't.

"My head gets messed up sometimes," Jane continues softly. Maura is not sure the detective is speaking because she wants to, because the brunette doesn't look fully aware of what she's saying. "I can't tell the difference between what's real and what's not."

Maura frowns. So it could be PTSD after all. She doesn't mean to comment on the scene in front of her, but it happens anyway.

"I never knew you played."

Jane looks up again. Maura sees her wife debating whether she should tell this or not. "I stopped when I met you."

The blonde frowns, and she's about to apologize when Jane cuts in.

"It's not a bad thing. I just … I didn't need to anymore. You were there to make me feel safe."

Maura is terrified to ask anything else, afraid her wife will put her walls up again. So she stays quiet, and Jane starts to play again. Her hands move over the keys like it's nothing, like she's been doing this every day for years.

And Maura?

Maura falls in love with her wife all over again.

..

..

* * *

 **Akalittlered2 and RavenSkyAngel, I agree with you guys. Jane is an asshole. She's got some explaining to do. Tansikat: Maura will definitely make it clear that this is not how she wants to be treated. Just hang on a little longer! Our ladies will be fine.**

 **This chapter was a tiny bit shorter than usual. I** **actually wanted Jane to play guitar, but felt like that wouldn't fit into this scene. I hope this is okay. I love you guys so much and thank you a THOUSAND times for taking the time to write a review. They mean so much. I love that you all seem to love the things I write.**


	11. Chapter 11

November quietly slips into December without anyone really noticing. Jane's physical wounds are healing, but her mental ones are not. She remains retreated into herself, she doesn't talk, and Maura is at a loss of what to do.

The blonde continues going to work, because she can't really do anything else and Jane doesn't want her to stay home. The brunette herself is not cleared for any kind of duty just yet, because she has to see the psychologist first and her body isn't fully recovered. She's still in pain from time to time, and she hasn't yet started running and kickboxing to see if her body can handle it.

Tommy came back after a couple of days. He only told them he'd been 'working', nothing else. Angela was happy that her son was finally doing adult things, and Jane got mad at her for believing everything Tommy said. She told her mother that you don't just leave for five days without telling anyone, and then Angela got mad at her daughter for picking on her younger brother.

The past couple of days, Angela has been staying with Jane to take care of her, but when Maura comes home on Friday afternoon, she finds that Angela is not there.

Maura walks towards the couch where her wife is sitting, cross-legged, watching a basketball game on TV.

"What happened?" she asks, trying to keep any form of anger out of her voice.

"I kicked her out." Jane's voice is hollow.

"Why?"

"Because I'm sick of her looking at me like I'm a wounded puppy, or something," the brunette replies. "I don't want to have her over until she can compose herself and treat me like a normal human being."

The blonde partly agrees with her wife, but not completely. "You're still recovering. If something happens, or if you suddenly don't feel well, someone needs to be here to take care of you."

"I can take care of myself!"

The force Jane puts behind this causes a sharp pain in the brunette's ribs. She can barely exhale because of the sudden pain, and she closes her eyes.

Maura immediately sits down next to her, her coat still on. She doesn't care.

"Jane, you need to relax. If you're tense, your ribs will only hurt more."

The brunette tries to take a deep breath, but she can't. She winces in pain, and Maura's hands are on her immediately, pulling off her sweater. Jane cannot even protest, although she's now sitting in her bra, her scars on full display. The blonde puts one hand on Jane's ribs and another on her back, trying to get her to straighten up.

Jane listens to her wife and straightens, although she's still in pain. It feels a little better.

"I don't understand why you're acting like this," Maura presses, although she feels her wife pulling away already. She doesn't let go. "You saved me. You saved Jonas. You saved yourself."

Jane eventually looks up at her, and she looks sad.

"I didn't save Ryleigh."

Ah. There it is.

Maura reaches for her wife's hand. The brunette stiffens and then relaxes, much to Maura's surprise, and she doesn't pull away. The doctor waits for chocolate brown eyes to focus on her before she continues.

"That was never your job, Jay. She chose to do this. It wasn't your job to save her."

When Jane doesn't immediately respond, Maura helps her into her sweatshirt again. Eventually, Jane replies. "Maybe she didn't have a choice."

"She had a choice when she chose to start dealing in high school," Maura counters. "It's _not_ your fault. It never was and it never will be."

The brunette feels tears well up in her eyes, and she's about to start crying, when her phone starts ringing. She immediately gets up from the couch and walks towards the kitchen, where her phone is laying on the counter. Frost is calling.

"Hey, Frost."

"Hey. I have someone here for you," he says, and the brunette hears him give the phone to someone else. "Jane?"

The brunette turns back towards Maura, winces, and lets out a breath before continuing. "Jonas?"

The tiny voice on the other side of the line sounds excited. "Jane! Where are you?"

"I'm home! Why are you at the station? What happened?"

Maura is looking at her wife, trying to decipher what's going on. She's mouths _what?_ at her wife, but the brunette shakes her head.

"Jonas?"

"Hey, Jane. It's Frost again. I don't think Jonas can explain what happened, so let me do it for you," he says. "His new parents showed up a few minutes ago. They said he kept crying and wanted to see 'Detective Jane'. They eventually decided to bring him here and I said I'd keep him here for a bit and call you."

The woman from Foster Care had messages her where Jonas was going to be placed, but she hadn't visited him yet. She's not sure the foster parents wanted her to, and she just wanted Jonas to settle there without having to worry about anything again.

The brunette interrupts him immediately. "Is he hurt? Frost? Did they hurt him?"

"No," Frost replies. "He looks fine. But- Oh, here he is again."

"Jane?" the tiny voice makes her heart skip a beat. "I don't wanna go to those people anymore. Can I stay with you? Please?"

The brunette sighs. She wants to take him in right now, but ... She looks at Maura, who still has no idea what's going on. Jane knows that she needs to discuss it first.

"Jonas?" she says, and he immediately replies. "I need to talk to someone first. Is that okay?"

"Yes," he replies. "How long?"

She closes her eyes. "A couple minutes, okay? Can you give the phone back to Frost?"

He does, and Frost's voice sounds again.

"What are you going to do, Jane?"

"I don't know," she says honestly. "I'll have to discuss with Maura. Have you got a few?"

He agrees and tells her he's going to wait for her to call back, and to not be longer than fifteen.

..

..

"You want to take him in."

Maura's voice is a little accusing, and Jane is not sure how to handle it. They'd gone to sit on the couch again after Jane hung up, and the brunette is now facing her wife.

"He said he doesn't want to go back. You should've heard his voice."

"No matter how much we both love him," Maura says. "We can't take him in right now, Jane. You're not better. You haven't fully healed, and your head ..."

The brunette's eyes snap up to meet her wife's. "What? Do you think I won't be able to take care of him?"

Maura sighs. "We haven't really talked yet. I don't know how you're doing. I won't just take a six-year old boy in because you want to."

The brunette doesn't respond.

"Jane. Those people have taken him in. We can't just take him away from there."

"He will go back. When he doesn't need me to be fine," Jane says, although she knows it doesn't make sense. "Or we will find him another family if he doesn't want to go back to those people. It's just for a little while, Maura. He wants to."

Now it's the blonde's turn to be silent.

"You want to have him here, too," Jane presses. "Tell me you don't love him."

Maura drops her gaze to the floor. She can't.

The brunette scoots closer to her wife, until their legs are touching. She knows she needs a different approach to make this work.

"Maur," she starts. "I already let Ryleigh down. I couldn't even be at her funeral." The blonde doesn't get the chance to protest. "I let Jonas down, too. But I can still make it up to him. Please, Maura?"

She leans in and places a soft, lingering kiss on her wife's cheek, and Maura closes her eyes, fighting against the tears. It's the first kiss Jane has initiated in days, if not weeks. The sudden display of affection from her wife throws Maura off guard completely, and she's not sure why she was going to deny.

When she manages to open her eyes again, she waits for chocolate brown ones to meet hers.

"Only if you promise to let people help you," she finds herself saying. "Including your mother. And you have to promise to talk to me later."

The brunette makes a noncommittal sound, and Maura glares at her.

"Jane." Her voice doesn't waver. "Look at me."

Her wife eventually does. "Yes, Maura, I promise. Now let's go, Jonas needs to have a place to sleep tonight."

She pushes herself up from the couch and texts Frost they're on their way.

..

..

They walk into the lobby at headquarters, and Frost is already waiting for them in front of the elevators. Jonas is standing next to him, his light blue eyes filled with hope.

Maura watches as her wife lifts Jonas high in the air, although it must hurt her to do so.

"Hey buddy!"

Jonas squeals, smiling widely when the detective spins him around, before she puts him down. He immediately reaches for her hand when his feet are back on the floor.

"I missed you," he says honestly.

Jane swallows, and Maura sees that she's having a hard time controlling her emotions. "I missed you too!" she manages. "Did you like the people you were staying with?"

He bites his lip, thinking.

"It's okay to say you liked them, bud," Jane says, noticing his struggle.

He shakes his head. "They were nice, but I don't wanna stay with them forever. Can't I stay with you, Jane? For always?"

The brunette looks at Maura for a split second before she gives Jonas a little nudge. "Do you want to give Maura a hug? Do you remember her?" She cannot reply to his question, so she hopes this'll distract him for a bit.

"Yes!" he says happily. "She was with me before I went to the hospital."

He runs towards Maura, who doesn't really know what to do. Jonas throws his arms around her, his tiny hands holding her skirt tightly. Jane motions at her to put her arms around him, and she does. The brunette is satisfied, and turns towards Frost, who's looking at the scene unfolding in front of him.

"You bonded with him," he says. "I don't know what you did, but he loves you."

Jane shrugs. "I don't know, Frost," she says. "Didn't he ask for his mother?"

"He asked where she was. I told him, and asked if he wanted to see her. He didn't want to," Frost replies.

"We can't just take him in," Jane says under her breath. "There's no way Foster Care will allow that. Besides, Maura and I discussed that this could only be a temporary solution, and that he's going to have to go back to wherever, eventually. The subject of kids hasn't come up much, Frost, and now we're suddenly taking in a six-year old boy."

Her partner nods. "I get it, Jane. You take him home for now, and I'll call Foster Care tomorrow. See what they think of it."

"Thank you," she says, giving him a short rub over his shoulders before she turns towards Jonas. "Are you ready?"

She isn't prepared for what happens next. Jonas reaches for Maura's hand, looking up at her with a wide smile. "Maura! Come!" He tugs until she gives in and lets herself be led towards the detective. The blonde has a sparkle in her eyes, and Jane can't help but smile, even if it's just for the tiniest of seconds.

"Yes, buddy," the brunette manages, taking his other hand, so he's walking in between the two women. "Let's go."

..

..

Jonas falls asleep in the car on the way home. Jane is driving, and Maura is looking out the window. Neither one of them knows what to talk about, so they stay silent, under the guise of not wanting to wake Jonas.

When the brunette pulls into the driveway, Maura unfastens her belt and turns around, rubbing the little boy's knee.

"Hey. We're here," she says softly, although she feels completely out of her depth. She's never had to really take care of a child before. Just when Jonas' eyes flutter open, the brunette opens his door and softly strokes his cheek. "Buddy. How about I take you to bed?"

He holds out his arms, indicating that he wants to be lifted. The brunette complies and lifts him out of the car, making sure that he wraps his arms around her neck.

Jane notices her wife looking at them, but her face is all conflicting emotions.

Eventually, Maura gets out of the car too, and the brunette is already halfway to the door when she realizes she hasn't locked her car. She shifts Jonas so she has a free hand, and throws the keys to her wife. "Can you lock it? Please?"

The blonde does, but Jane still can't figure out what she's feeling. She throws another look over her shoulder to check if Maura's behind her, before she walks up to the front door. Maura opens it for her, and she walks into the hallway, her shoes still on. "I'm going to take him to bed first, kay?"

Maura nods. "Sure."

The brunette makes her way up the stairs with Jonas in her arms, leaving Maura behind in the hallway. She carefully puts Jonas down on the bed in their guest room, before she slips the shoes from his feet and puts them next to the bed. She unbuttons his pants and blouse, lifting him gently to be able to take them off. She hangs them over the chair that's next to his bed, making a mental note to get him a toothbrush and more clothes in the morning.

His eyes have slipped closed again and she thinks he has fallen back asleep, so she pulls the covers over him before getting up from the bed. She's just turned around when a small voice calls out.

"Jane?"

She turns around and meets a pair of eyes, peeking out from above the covers.

"Are you scared much?"

The brunette debates whether she should open up to him right now. She's not sure this is the right time, but it's something about the way he looks at her that she decides to go back into the room. She sits down on his bed, careful to not crush him.

"Yes," she replies softly. "A lot of the time. Are you?"

He nods slowly. "The man came for me last night. In my dream."

The bolt of panic that Jane feels when Jonas starts his sentence is gone when he finishes. She keeps telling herself that her own fear is irrational, but it's different when a six-year old boy is saying the same thing you've been feeling. It suddenly feels serious.

"You don't have to be scared here. No one is coming to hurt you," she says. It feels real.

"But why are you scared then?"

It's a logical question, and the brunette is caught off guard. Why is she scared? If she'd think about it, she could give a couple of reasons, but that's not for now. Not for a sleepy, blonde-haired boy who's been through enough already. So she replies with the simplest answer.

"I don't know, bud. I guess I just am."

It's silent for a bit, and Jane prays that Jonas is falling asleep. She really wants to go back downstairs and see how Maura is doing. The blonde looked a bit frightened in the car on the way back home, and Jane wants to find out what's going on. Not that her wife will immediately tell her, but-

"Was that lady your friend? Who was in there too?" Jonas asks.

The brunette swallows. Her voice wavers slightly, and she wills herself not to cry.

"She was. I hadn't seen her in a really, really long time."

"I didn't see her anymore later. When I went outside."

Jonas doesn't notice that a tears drips from Jane's cheek onto his sheets.

"She went away," Jane manages.

"To heaven? Like my daddy?" His small voice, so understanding, makes that Jane cannot speak anymore. She nods.

Neither one of them knows that Maura is standing just outside the door, listening to their conversation. The blonde closes her eyes against the, maybe irrational, wave of anger that washes over her when her wife opens up to Jonas. That should be _her_ to whom Jane's talking.

In the bedroom, Jane strokes his hair and Jonas settles, closing his eyes.

"I'm proud of you, honey," the brunette mumbles. "I didn't get to tell you yet, but you did so good in that building."

Jonas opens his eyes very briefly before they fall closed again.

"I'm proud of you too."

..

..

Jane bumps into her wife when she steps outside the guest room, closing the door behind her. She barely manages to suppress her cry of surprise.

"Maura!" she hisses. "You scared me."

"Why won't you open up to me, _your wife_ , but you immediately open up to a six-year old boy who probably doesn't understand half of the things you're feeling?" The blonde immediately says, throwing an angry glare at the brunette. Jane huffs, ignoring the sting Maura's words leave. She wants to walk past her wife, but the blonde is not about to let her walk away.

"You are not sidestepping again, Jane Rizzoli. I won't have it."

It looks like they're about to have a huge fight, and Jane is really not in the mood.

"Maura. Let's at least go downstairs. I don't want to wake Jonas. He's finally asleep."

The blonde stares at her wife, until Jane turns and walks away, towards the stairs. She throws a look over her shoulder to check if Maura's coming, but the blonde is still standing outside their bedroom. Their bed looks much more attractive than the conversation they're about to have.

Although it sounds horrible, Maura thinks she likes a sleeping Jane the best.

Sleeping Jane doesn't tense up when she touches her. Sleeping Jane mumbles _I love you_ when Maura slips out of bed at night. Sleeping Jane rolls over out of habit, looking for her wife's warmth in the middle of the night. Yes, that Jane looks the most like the woman Maura knows. That Jane is not the woman who has distanced herself and doesn't want to talk. The woman who talks to everyone _but_ her.

She eventually drags herself down the hallway and sets foot on the first step.

They need to sort this out.

* * *

 **Of course they're not completely fine yet. The next chapter will clear most of it up. Stay tuned! :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**The last chapter was a bit of a mess. I only realized after a day that Fanfiction decided to delete all the "..." from my chapter, so it wasn't clear which parts needed to be together and apart. I checked it, so you could go back and read again if you want. It might make more sense now. Apologies.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

The argument doesn't start off very promising.

Maura feels the unreasonable feeling of jealousy return when she faces her wife in the hallway downstairs, standing opposite each other as if they're in a boxing ring.

"Jonas knows more about how you're feeling than I do. Why do you immediately open up to him? You talk to everyone _but_ me. I'm your _wife._ "

The brunette doesn't respond, although Maura sees that she really wants to.

"You promised me!" she cries out, unable to hold back. "You manipulated me into taking Jonas in, with your sudden display of affection and love towards me. You knew I'd fall for that."

But Jane has already approached her, a dangerous look in her eyes. Maura doesn't take a step back, determined to show that she's not afraid. She will not back away. Not anymore.

"I didn't manipulate you," the brunette's voice is sharp. She points a steady finger at Maura. "I _didn't_. You take that back. You wanted him here just as much as I did."

The blonde holds up her hands in defense. "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry."

Jane seems satisfied, and turns around again, ready to make her way over to the living room. An unfinished conversation, just like many others during these past few weeks. Maura won't have it anymore, and she presses.

"I just want to know why you're not acting like yourself at all. I barely recognize you anymore. Whatever happened in there-"

The brunette whirls around. "You know nothing!"

" _Tell_ me then, Jane! I know nothing because you haven't told me anything at all, except that Ryleigh died and you were almost killed! I know nothing because you haven't _told_ me anything!"

Jane is silent, taking a deep breath to get her emotions under control. "Because I don't want to tell you anything," she mutters. "I don't want you to lie awake at night, thinking about the things I'm thinking of now. Seeing Ryleigh's face in your dreams nearly every night, with piercing eyes that seem to look straight through you. Wondering if there was anything you could've done to help her, instead of get her killed. Even though I know, rationally, that it wasn't my fault."

The last part is a little shaky, and Maura had to hold herself back from pulling her wife into a hug. This is the first time they're really talking, and she knows that the conversation will be over if she hugs the brunette, because at least one of them will start crying. "I don't want you to feel the terror that comes when someone points a gun at you and you know they won't hesitate to shoot you. I don't want you to go through that."

"I understand that you don't want me to feel like that," Maura replies. "But you're my wife, and I need to know these things so I can help you deal with them. You can't keep avoiding me."

"Sure I can," the brunette counters stubbornly. When the blonde doesn't immediately respond, Jane takes the time to look at her wife. Really look at her.

Maura looks tired and defeated. There are dark circles under her eyes, like she hasn't been sleeping. Jane hasn't been either. How come she hasn't noticed how worn out her wife looks? Maybe because she has avoided any kind of eye contact that lasted longer than two seconds. The brunette rubs her knuckles, waiting for a response from Maura.

The blonde sighs. She's absolutely exhausted. The last couple of nights have been terrible, she was either unable to fall asleep or waking up from her own nightmares. When she slipped out of bed, Jane either would either sleep right through it, or would have already gone downstairs to sleep on the couch. Mornings where they would wake up next to each other, both still in the same bed they fell asleep in, have become rare.

And Maura is tired of constantly giving and giving and giving, never receiving. She's tired of fighting for Jane every single day when all the brunette does is pull away.

She turns away towards the door, but hesitates for a second. Turning back to face her wife, she sets her face into something that she hopes looks like fury. It seems to work, judging by the look on Jane's face.

"Why are you so distant?" the blonde asks, raising her voice. "Why can't I comfort my own wife? Why are you ….-" she catches herself in time, but it's too late.

"Say it," Jane snarls. She doesn't care anymore. Everything hurts.

"You're _selfish!"_ Maura yells. "I'm only trying to help you. And all you want to do is drown in your own emotions. Fine, Jane. If that's what you really want. You don't need me for that." She turns away again, and the meaning of her words sink in when she's already halfway to the door.

Jane is terrified when she realizes.

"Maura, no!" she nearly runs towards her wife, grabbing her wrist when she gets close enough. "Maura. Don't leave."

When the blonde turns around, Jane sees that she's crying. _This is what she does to people._ She hurts them. The attitude she had a second ago is long gone, and the brunette herself has to hold back her tears at the sight of Maura crying.

"Why, Jane?" Maura asks again, her voice laced with tears. "Why should I stay? What do you need me for?"

The brunette cannot find the words to reply. The blonde turns away again.

"No!" Jane's cry is heartbreaking. "I'm sorry. Please. Don't go."

Maura turns back, but doesn't say anything just yet.

Let Jane realize what's happening. Good.

Let Jane fight for her. Even better.

"What do you need?" the brunette asks desperately. Her voice is shaking, and she wipes a tear from her cheek. "What?"

"Let me in, Jane," the blonde pleads. "Just let me in."

"Okay, Maura, anything, please don't go."

The blonde has to admit she's surprised at her wife's reaction. She hadn't intended on leaving for good, of course, but she just needed to get away from this. Even if it was just for the night. She could crash at Frost's place, or at Frankie's, maybe. He would understand.

She looks up at the brunette, and Jane's eyes are filled with fear, terrified of her next move.

Maura removes her hand from the door knob and steps even closer to Jane, who tries very hard to stay still and not pull away.

"I want to have you back, Jay," Maura mumbles. She's past angry now, and all the emotions from the past couple of weeks suddenly weigh down on her. "I want my wife back. You have to let me see all of you. You have to-"

But she doesn't get any further. Strong, but gentle arms wrap around her and pull her close.

It's the first real contact they've had in weeks.

..

..

Jane is gentle with her. Careful, almost.

She leads the blonde upstairs, holding her hand the entire time. As if she's afraid Maura will change her mind and walk away.

The first kiss on her cheek is barely noticeable. When the brunette waits for a second, and Maura doesn't pull away, she presses another kiss to her cheek and moves lower. Jane's lips cover Maura's jaw, her chin, and eventually catch her bottom lip. Ever so slowly.

It's almost too much. After weeks of not touching, no loving looks and no kisses, Maura feels herself unraveling at the slightest touch. It isn't until she feels Jane stiffen that she realizes the brunette has pulled away, looking at her with a lingering fear in her eyes.

"Maur?" Her nickname. "Are you leaving me?"

The blonde holds her wife's gaze, testing her. Trying to figure out if her behavior in the hallway downstairs has had enough impact on Jane to really keep her promise.

"I'm not."

Jane buries her head in blonde curls and wraps her arms around her waist protectively. Maura slides her hands up Jane's back, until she finally rests them on the back of the brunette's neck, squeezing softly and reassuringly. Trying to convey the thought that they will be okay. In time.

She eventually moves her hands from Jane's neck to her waist, trying to figure out if her wife's ribs were always so prominent.

"You're skinnier than I remember," she mumbles.

The reply is immediate and honest. "I haven't been eating."

Maura doesn't respond anymore. The feeling of Jane's arms around her and the lips on her neck is heavenly. Eventually, Jane's hands make their way into her curls and pulls her head closer to her chest. The brunette's heartbeat is quick against Maura's ear.

"I really hate you, Jane. I hate you so much," Maura mumbles.

The brunette's grip tightens.

"I know this cannot be fixed in one night," Jane replies, her voice thick with tears. "But I want to fix this. Even if it means losing you for a little bit."

The blonde immediately knows what her wife means. Jane thinks Maura wants to leave for a while, to give the both of them some time to make up their mind. The blonde's heart speeds up a little too at the thought of leaving Jane behind. Even after all of this.

"I still love you."

She doesn't care how contradictory she sounds. She feels conflicted, too.

"Me too, Maura."

The honesty in Jane's voice. Where has that been the past couple of weeks? The blonde pulls back before leaning in enough for their lips to brush against each other, but she doesn't kiss her wife just yet. She's not sure she can.

But then Jane pulls her in, and Maura is lost.

..

..

"Does it still hurt?"

It's morning. Jonas is still asleep and Maura is sitting on the edge of their bed, watching as her wife pulls her sleeping shirt over her head, leaving her in just her boy shorts. The scar on Jane's abdomen stands out, a white, round imprint of a bullet. Maura still feels a little panicky when she looks at it.

"Sometimes. Not as bad as before," Jane replies, turning to face the blonde. She studies her wife's face. "Just ask, Maura."

"Can I touch it? Please?"

The brunette is already nodding before Maura can finish her sentence. The blonde gets up from the bed and puts her pointer finger on Jane's scar, noticing how her wife shivers slightly. She presses a kiss to her wife's cheek before pulling away again, not failing to notice how the brunette reaches out slightly for her to stay.

"Sorry." The immediate apology from the brunette follows. "I didn't ..."

Jane reaches for her sweatshirt that's hanging over the chair before quickly pulling it over her head. She thinks back of last night, when they'd all but fallen into bed together. They hadn't made love, but there was a need for closeness. The brunette held Maura as she cried, all the bottled up emotions making their way out in the form of many tears.

She is pulled from her thoughts when Maura puts her hands on Jane's hips. The brunette immediately mimics the motion, pulling Maura closer.

The blonde breaks the silence. "How do you do that?"

Jane frowns, her arms tightening around her wife's waist. "What?"

"When you look at me now, I can clearly see everything you're feeling," Maura explains. "How did you manage to keep that from me earlier? I would look at your eyes and see nothing."

Jane shrugs in reply. "I don't really know," she says honestly. "Just push all my feelings away. Think of a blank piece of paper and push everything away. It was so hard, Maura, you have to understand that."

"Why'd you do it?"

The brunette sighs. There's a massive urge to pull away, but she's terrified of Maura walking out on her. So she tries.

"If I could make myself feel nothing when I looked at you, I hoped I could trick myself into thinking I wasn't hurting. That you weren't hurting."

Maura waits for more.

"Loving you is the strongest feeling I've ever felt," Jane continues. "It overrules everything else I'm feeling. I don't want you to worry, so I don't talk about my negative feelings to prevent you from worrying. I don't want you to be hurting, so I keep my grief away from you."

Maura is shaking her head, and Jane falls silent.

"You're so ... stupid."

Jane lets go of her wife and steps back, a flash of pain crossing her face.

"No," Maura holds out her hands. "I don't mean it like that. It's just that ... you're making it so difficult for yourself. I worry, Jane. No matter how much you keep away from me. Actually, I worry more when you don't talk to me. Because I don't know what you're feeling."

Jane takes her wife's outstretched hands, but remains quiet.

"It hurts me to see you in pain. It hurts me even more when I can't do anything about it. You have to let me help you."

The brunette bites her lip. "I don't ... I don't know if I can. Don't get me wrong," she immediately adds, her grip on Maura's hands tightening. "It's just- You know I'm not like that."

Maura cannot quite figure out what her wife means. It must show on her face, because Jane continues talking.

"I'm a Rizzoli," she says, like that explains everything. "I don't want help."

"Too bad," Maura counters. "I'm a doctor. I help people."

"Dead ones, yeah," Jane mocks playfully, but the look in her eyes is questioning.

Maura understands. "Yes, you can be yourself and joke around," she replies. "There's nothing else I want more than that. But I haven't forgiven you."

"Okay." The reply is soft and a little sad. "Can I go wake Jonas now?"

She's asking for permission to leave, and Maura loves her for it.

"Yes. Of course."

..

..

"Wanna go to the store with me?" Jane says, lifting Jonas up in the air. The brunette has brushed his teeth with a spare toothbrush and put his old clothes back on. They're now in the kitchen, where Maura is making breakfast. "I think you need a couple of new clothes."

"I don't like stores," Jonas replies when his feet touch the floor again. "Do we really need to go?"

Jane grins at Maura. "See? I'm not the only one." She focuses on Jonas again. "If you don't want to go, we can stay here. But no new clothes for you then. And I was thinking about buying that new movie, but ... Oh well." She turns away, and throws another smile at Maura.

"Wait!" Jonas says. "What movie?"

"I got you there." The brunette tickles his side and Jonas squirms, trying to get out of her grip. "Maura! Help!"

The blonde shakes her head, smiling. "Jay. Let him breathe, will you."

The brunette turns around and lets Jonas go with an incredulous look in her eyes. "You!" she says to Maura. "Choosing a boy over your wife." When she finishes the sentence, she realizes that this is a sensitive topic. "Too soon?" she questions, studying Maura's face.

Maura leaves the towel on the breakfast bar and steps closer, pressing a short kiss to the brunette's lips. Just because she can. Because Jane doesn't pull away anymore.

"A little," she replies. "But I'm fine."

Jonas is looking at them curiously. Jane knows what he's going to ask before he does it.

"Are you girlfriends?"

The brunette takes Maura's hand. "We are. You know what that means?"

"Yes," he says wisely. "It's the same as a girl and a boy together. But you're both girls."

"You're right," Jane replies. The blonde cannot find her voice. "You also know what this means?" She holds up her hand, showing her ring.

"You're married!" He smiles, but looks at Maura curiously before his eyes settle on Jane again. "Are you in love with Maura then?"

Jane gently nudges Maura's side, urging her to look at her. The blonde is once again caught off guard by the absolute love she sees shining in Jane's eyes.

"Yes," the brunette replies, and it takes a second for Maura to figure out that she's answering Jonas' question. "I love her so much."

The moment of silence is interrupted by Jane's phone.

The brunette lets go of her wife's hand and turns, looking for her phone. Maura points at the table, and Jonas grabs it.

"Frost! He is the detective!"

Jane is reminded of him saying the same thing in the hospital, ages ago. Jonas' pronunciation of the word 'detective' still hasn't changed.

"He is, bud. Can I have my phone?"

Maura looks at her wife, surprised how easily the nickname for Jonas slips out. But the brunette is already answering her phone.

"Tell me, Frost."

"Good morning to you too, Jane."

The brunette huffs, rolling her eyes at Jonas and pretending to yawn. He laughs.

"I spoke to Ashley from Child Protection," Frost says. "You have a week to decide if you really want this. No matter what you and Maura choose, you have a conversation scheduled next Friday with Ashley and Jonas' actual foster parents to talk about this situation."

"Mm," Jane replies to show him she's still listening. "I'll call them soon. See what they think of it."

"If you decide you want to adopt him," Frost continues, "you'll have all kinds of forms to fill in and arrangements to make. They're going to look at your living situation and the stability of your relationship, job, and so on."

The brunette looks at her wife, who ruffles Jonas' hair while he watches her cook.

"A week, Jane," Frost repeats. "You have to decide and possibly arrange things before next Friday."

"Okay," Jane replies. She smiles when Jonas tries to give Maura a high five.

"We will."

..

..

* * *

 **I hope you like Jane a bit more after this. Or is she still an asshole?**

 **Jamaican, RavenSkyAngel, Vbbneighbor, tansikat, sweetkid45, Tingtorn78, txsgurl621, Akalittlered2, Janeandmaura05: Thank you! I love you guys so much. Thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts about the chapters with me. Let me know what you think!**


	13. Chapter 13

"How'd it go?"

Jane huffs. She's just gotten home from her appointment with the department doctor, who needs to clear her for duty before she can go back to work. Maura looks up at her from behind her magazine and Jonas is sitting on the couch, watching a Christmas movie.

"He believes I'm physically recovered and good to go," Jane replies. "But he's worried about my _mental health_."

The air quotes are angry. Maura gets up from her chair, putting the magazine back on the table. Jonas is too engrossed in the movie to even notice.

"Even though you don't like it, he might be right," the blonde says carefully, taking the car keys out of her wife's hands and putting them on the counter. "When was the last time you got a full night of sleep?"

Jane shrugs. She can't remember.

"I just want to go back, Maur," she says, sounding a little sad. "I want to do my job."

The blonde studies her wife's face for a bit before wrapping her arms around her and pulling her close.

"You are incredible," Maura says softly. "And you will say that it's your job, but you know it's not. There are so many other detectives out there who are nothing like you. Who don't get back on their feet after something like this."

"Oh," Jane sighs, not even bothering to hide her tears. "Am I that obvious?"

"Yes," Maura replies truthfully. "To me you are, Jay."

They only get a short moment together, because Jonas suddenly laughs out loud at something that happens on the screen. Maura feels Jane's arms tighten around her for a second before she lets go, and walks towards the couch. Jonas notices her immediately. "Jane!"

"Hey little man!" Jane kisses the top of his head. "Which movie is that?"

"Home Alone! Wanna watch too?"

Jane smiles, not caring about the fact that the movie has already been playing for an hour. "Of course." She looks at Maura expectantly, who walks over to the couch as well.

"Home what?" she asks. "I'm not sure I'm familiar with that movie."

Jane looks at her, wide-eyed and amused at the same time.

Jonas gasps. "You don't know Home Alone?"

"Oh, Maura," Jane says, and her tone makes the blonde shiver. "I can't believe I've never showed you. You're in for a treat."

Jane tugs on Maura's hand and the blonde sits down too, in between her wife and Jonas. The brunette lets go of her hand when she sits, and Maura is not sure whether she should feel relieved or sad.

Just when she's pressed play on the remote, Jonas looks up at her.

"Am I staying here forever?"

Momentarily caught off guard, she sees Jane shoot a look at her before answering.

"You don't want to go back? Those people were really nice, right?" the brunette tries, not sure what she should tell him.

Jonas frowns a little. "I like it here more."

"I don't know if you can stay forever," Jane replies honestly. "We're gonna talk about it. You can stay for a couple more days, but I don't know what happens after that."

Jonas shifts until his head is resting comfortably against Maura's shoulder. The blonde looks at her wife, unsure what to do.

Jane laughs, a full, deep laugh that makes Maura's insides jump. "Relax, Maur. It's fine. You can always pretend it's me."

"You know I can't," Maura counters, "You're much-"

But Jane presses a kiss to her cheek and turns towards the television, leaving Maura in a haze. Eventually, the blonde turns towards the television as well, frowning as a grown man trips over a dozen toys.

She realizes, after nearly twenty minutes and a gentle nudge from her wife, that Jonas has fallen asleep on her shoulder.

"What do you think about him, Maur?" the brunette whispers.

"I think I like him."

Jane frowns shortly before she answers. "You think?"

"Yeah, it's just," the blonde sighs, shifting carefully to not wake Jonas. "It's all going so fast. First we're fighting, now you're in love with me all over again, and I have my own struggles that you don't know of just yet. And then there's suddenly a six-year old living with us. I'm ... I don't know."

"First and foremost," Jane cuts in, and Maura is surprised by her wife's tone. "I never stopped loving you. But I understand what you're saying."

Jonas stirs and both women fall silent, looking at him.

"Another time?" Jane whispers.

Maura nods. But then, after a beat of silence, the brunette speaks up again. "Jonas is going to ask, Maura. Later. He's going to ask if I caught the man who did this to him." Maura nods, waiting for her wife to continue. "What do I respond?" Jane says, looking troubled.

The blonde smiles softly. "You say that you helped finding him, and that Jonas helped too, a lot. You say that you wanted nothing more than be at the station and help, but you were still in the hospital. You're his hero already, Jay. It doesn't matter."

The brunette makes a noncommittal sound. "I don't want to be a hero. Just because I was lucky enough to survive, I'm a hero?"

Maura presses. "You're his hero."

Jane averts her gaze, but reaches out for her wife's hand nevertheless.

"I love you, Maura." Another step towards apologizing.

Maura entwines their hands and rests them on top of her leg, the beginnings of forgiveness.

...

...

It's nearly thirty minutes later when a knock on the door breaks the blissful silence.

Maura looks at her wife questioningly. Jonas is still laying on her shoulder, asleep.

"I'll go," Jane whispers. "You stay."

The brunette pushes herself up from the couch and walks towards the door. A second knock sounds, and the brunette has to refrain from shouting ' _Yeah, I'm coming!'._

She pulls the door open and looks right into the eyes of Constance.

"Good afternoon, Jane. How are you doing? You look good."

The brunette quickly turns her shock into happiness and welcomes her inside, but stops Maura's mother from walking into the living room.

"Uhm," Jane mumbles, under her breath. How is she supposed to explain the scene in the living room? "We have a guest," she decides. Constance raises an eyebrow, waiting for her daughter in law to continue. "It's the boy I rescued. When we were ... You know. Has Maura told you? I haven't seen you in a while. Sorry."

Constance smiles when the brunette continues rambling. Her hand on Jane's shoulder eventually stops the detective.

"Show me."

Jane smiles shortly before she leads the woman into the living room. Constance stops short at the sight of her daughter sitting on the couch with a blonde haired boy laying on her shoulder.

"Oh."

"Yeah," the brunette whispers. "I know."

Constance looks at Maura for a bit, who hasn't yet realized they've entered the room.

"She looks ... ," but the woman next to Jane falters, unable to explain.

"Yeah," Jane replies once again. When Constance seems frozen to the spot, she adds. "You can go first."

Eventually, Maura's mother makes her way over to the couch, and the blonde spots her immediately.

"Mother," the blonde says, "Hold on, I just ..-." She looks up at Jane, who nods reassuringly. The blonde gently strokes Jonas' forehead, whispering a couple things until he wakes up, his eyes still sleepy.

The blonde is struck by a fierce protectiveness, and it throws her off guard. She hadn't thought she'd come to like this boy. Not so soon, and not after everything that has happened. But here she is, waking a six-year old that just fell asleep on her shoulder while watching a Christmas movie with her wife.

Jonas sits up and looks around, as if he's trying to place where he is. He notices Maura and Jane, before he rubs his eyes and looks at Constance.

"Who are you?"

Jane has come up behind Constance and gives her a little nudge, just like she would give Maura. The woman reaches out for Jonas, who carefully takes her hand. "I'm Maura's mother."

Jonas studies her before he looks at Maura and back. "I'm Jonas."

"I heard," Constance replies, glancing at Jane. "Do you like it here?"

Jonas' face lights up. "Yes! We just watched a movie together."

He doesn't get much farther, because the side door opens and Jane's mother comes barging in without even asking. "Hello lovely ladies! How-" Her gaze falls on Jonas, who's still on the couch next to Maura. "What on earth ..." Angela falters. "What's going on here?"

"Oh, great," the brunette sighs. "Ma, stand back, will you?"

"Don't you talk to me like that!" Angela says, not listening to her daughter's command. "Who's this?"

"If you'd just give me the chance to explain," Jane cuts in. "I was just explaining it to Maura's mother. Have a seat, the both of you."

Maura gets up from the couch, urging her mother to sit down next to Jonas, who's fine with all of this. He's not comfortable around men, but women don't seem to be any problem. Jane realizes that they also need to talk about getting him a psychologist.

"Do you want something to drink?" The blonde makes her way to the kitchen, placing a kiss on her wife's cheek when she passes her. "Jay, can you do it? Please."

The brunette nods, smiling reassuringly. "Okay." The last part under her breath, to prevent anyone in the living room from hearing. "We're not saying anything about possible adoption, okay? Not until we've figured it out ourselves."

Maura kisses her on the lips this time, and that's the only answer Jane needs.

..

..

Constance and Angela react wonderfully.

Jane tells them it's probably just temporary, and Jonas might go back to the family that adopted him next week. Angela presses, and tells them she really wants to be a grandmother someday. The scowl from Jane makes her fall silent immediately, and the brunette is able to continue the story without any interruptions.

Halfway through, Jonas climbs on Jane's lap, and the brunette wraps her arms around him like she's been doing it for years.

When the brunette is almost finished, the little boy starts to get restless again, and he scrambles off her lap.

"Maura?"

The blonde looks at Jonas, unable to keep the smile from her face. It's something about his eyes that makes her smile every time.

"Yes, honey."

"Do you wanna play a game?"

Maura looks at her wife. There are many unsaid things between the both of them, and they haven't had enough time to talk. Taking care of a six-year old takes up a lot of time, especially because Jonas hasn't gone back to school yet. Angela must know some of this, because she cuts in.

"How about I take you to the store and buy you a gift?"

Although Jonas doesn't like shopping, the prospect of receiving a gift makes his eyes light up. Jane's mother looks at her daughter, who bites her lip.

"Uhh," the brunette says. "I don't know."

It's Constance who surprises everyone. "Please?" she asks. "We'll bring him back in a couple hours. So you can have some time together."

Jane must be the only person who hears the unsaid _to figure things out._ She glances at her mother-in-law, who gives her a knowing look, and she realizes Maura must've told her something. It's not like the blonde isn't allowed to talk about her, but Jane can't help feeling a little uneasy.

"Okay," she gives in, looking at Maura for confirmation. "Call either one of us if something's wrong. Anytime."

Not even five minutes later, two women and a very excited Jonas leave the house. When the door falls shut behind them, the brunette lets out a breath she'd been unaware of holding in. Maura is still sitting on the couch, looking troubled.

"Tell me."

It comes out harsher than Jane means to, and she holds up her hands immediately.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it that way. Maur?"

The blonde looks up and motions for her wife to come sit next to her. The brunette does, pressing a kiss to Maura's cheek. When she pulls back, her gaze lingers on Maura's lips for a little while, and the blonde feels herself go warm all over.

"You're so careful with me," she notices. "It's not so much careful as ..." She tries to think of a word. "Cautious? On edge?"

Jane nods. "I'm afraid of hurting you."

Maura entwines their hands, but stays silent.

"It sounds weird, because the last few weeks all I did was hurt you. I just don't want to, you know," Jane shrugs, looking down. "Buy you a couple of roses and take you to dinner and then pretend like everything's fine again. I know it's not."

Maura nods. She loves her wife for not doing that.

"It makes me think of Pop," Jane adds. "Back to when we were still in high school. He used to come home after a massive fight and give us a small present. And then pretend everything was okay."

The blonde doesn't respond.

"I just don't know how I can make it up to you," the brunette adds.

When Maura fails to respond again, Jane looks up at her and notices her wife's eyes are clouded.

"Maur?"

It takes calling her name four more times before the blonde shakes her head and her eyes clear up a little.

"What?"

The brunette grabs her wife's hand and presses it to her lips. "Are you okay?"

"I'm scared," Maura admits. "I'm scared that if we decide to adopt Jonas, and we finalize everything, you're going to pull away again."

Jane nods. It makes perfect sense.

"What do I need to do?" The brunette looks at her wife. "What can I do so you'll trust me again?"

Maura shrugs, but doesn't reply.

"Honey. Help me out here," Jane tries. "What do you need? Anything."

Eventually, the blonde says. "I need to talk to you. We both need to talk. I still don't know everything you're feeling, and you don't know everything I'm feeling."

The brunette turns so she's facing Maura, and somehow manages to get her long legs up on the couch, folded underneath her. Maura turns too, leaning her elbow on the back of the couch.

"Why can't you allow yourself to cry?" Maura asks immediately, not wanting to waste any time.

Jane thinks about her answer. "I just can't." Silence. "There's ... People died in that shootout, Maura. I'm alive, they're not. Why am I supposed to cry?"

"Because you're hurting," Maura's answer is quick. "Because you're not sleeping well, and you miss Ryleigh, and you still see the events of that day when you close your eyes. No one would judge you if you cry. In fact, it'd be completely normal."

It's silent for a bit, and Maura leans in for a hug despite the awkward position. The brunette presses a soft kiss to her pulse point, and Maura sighs.

"Can I miss her all over again?" Jane's voice sounds rough. Maura immediately knows she's talking about Ryleigh.

"Of course you can," she replies, pulling back to study her wife's face. It's filled with grief.

"It's the same as back when we were in high school. When she left. But she's not coming back this time."

Maura's eyes well up at the sight of seeing Jane like this. "We're going to visit her grave. When your ready. Whenever you're ready."

"You know where it is?" The brunette sounds surprised.

"Jay," the corner of Maura's mouth turns up a little, "really? Did you think I was going to let them bury her somewhere without knowing where? I knew you'd want to see her. Eventually."

The brunette leans in and kisses her wife. It tastes like salty tears and lavender perfume and love.

Maura stifles a giggle when Jane's breath tickles her cheek. The smile disappears quickly at her wife's next words.

"I have flashbacks."

She pulls back to look at the brunette, who carefully avoids her gaze.

"Can you tell me more?" Maura asks gently.

Jane rubs her hands together, a clear sign of nervousness. "It's like. Suddenly I'm back in the hallway with blood all over my hands and feeling like I'm going to pass out. Sometimes I look at you and see Ryleigh's eyes instead of yours. There's not always a clear trigger for them." She bites her lip. "And I've managed to keep them away from you, mostly." She knows Maura must've seen that she sometimes blinks a couple of times before answering, trying to shake the vision of Ryleigh's eyes from her mind. "But it's getting harder."

"I don't want you to keep them away from me anymore."

Jane hangs her head. "I know. That's why I'm telling you."

The blonde swallows. She knows it's not fair, but she doesn't tell Jane about her own nightmares. It will surely prevent Jane from telling her everything she's feeling, because the brunette always wants to take care of Maura first. Before anything else. Before herself.

"I love you," Maura offers instead. "You're still my favourite person."

The look on Jane's face when she says that. So earnest and real and in love, makes her heart skip a beat.

"You too, Maur. Always."

..

..

Jonas comes back nearly three hours later, excited and way too hyped to go to bed, even though it's nearly seven thirty. He runs into the hallway, jumping up when he's near Jane.

Maura holds her breath, but the brunette catches the blonde-haired boy without stumbling.

"Jane! I got a race car and books!"

Right after his proud declaration, the brunette searches Maura's eyes. "He's you and me together. In one person. A race car _and_ books?" She turns her attention to Jonas again. "That's so cool! Wanna show me?"

"Show us?" the blonde cuts in.

Jane's head whips around at her wife's response. "Oh."

Maura smiles. "Yes."

Neither one of them has noticed that Angela is standing in the door opening, watching their conversation. She scrapes her throat, and they notice her all at once.

"Ma!" The brunette sets Jonas back down and walks towards her mother. "Was everything okay? Did you already have dinner?"

"It was great, Janie," Angela replies. "We love him so much. Can't you keep him?"

The brunette laughs. "Keep him. Ma, please. He's not an animal."

"Technically, humans have-" her wife starts behind her, intend on starting a whole lecture on human evolution. "No," Jane cuts in immediately. "Not today, Googlemouth." The brunette doesn't turn around, because she's sure Maura can tell by the tone of her voice that she doesn't mean it in a bad way.

"I'm glad you had a good time, Ma. Thanks for keeping him busy."

Angela smiles at her daughter, fully understanding what Jane means.

"Whenever you need us. Constance is waiting in the car, but she told me to tell you she'll be back soon. She loves Jonas too."

Jane's mother leans in to kiss her daughter on the cheek, who accepts it grudgingly.

"Bye Janie," Angela says, making her way out the door. "Remember to be honest to her."

The look she throws over her shoulder makes Jane roll her shoulders, annoyed. " _Bye_ , Ma." She closes the door behind her mother and turns around to an empty hallway.

"Maura?"

A second later, a voice calls out from the guest room.

"In here."

Jane walks towards the guest room, which has become Jonas' room over the past few days. He has his own drawer for his new clothes, and Maura has bought him a stuffed animal that he seems to love. When she enters the room, she sees that Jonas has stalled his new books on the shelve above his bed.

Maura has just tucked him in, and his blonde hair is the only thing still visible above the covers.

"Hmm," Jane jokes. "Where's Jonas? Have you seen him, Maur?"

The blonde manages to stifle her laugh. "No, Detective. I'm afraid I haven't." Her tone is a little playful, and it shoots right through the brunette. It's lucky Jonas is too young to understand the underlying tone.

Suddenly the covers are thrown back and Jonas spreads his arms.

"I'm here!"

Jane pretends to be surprised. "Hey! I didn't see you!" She steps next to her wife, wrapping an arm around Maura's waist. "Did you have fun today?"

He nods. "Lots. Can I read one of my new books?"

Jonas is only six, but can already read some simple books. Nothing too difficult, no long words or expressions, but he can already read by himself. It's quite impressive, and Jane thinks there might be a little genius hidden in him.

"Which one do you want?" Maura asks, looking up at the shelf.

"That one." He points at a book with a blue cover.

"Do you want me to read it for you or do you want to read it yourself?"

Jonas considers. "By myself."

He opens the book and sighs contently, eyes focusing on the first pair of words. Jane smiles and presses a kiss to Maura's shoulder before softly pulling her along, towards the door. They quietly make their way out of the room, but Jane stops her wife in the hallway.

"I want to watch," she says, leaving the door halfway open so they can look at Jonas. "He won't see us."

Maura nods and leans against the wall, waiting for her wife's arm to wrap around her again. The second she thinks about it, the brunette's long, skinny arm pulls her close, and Maura feels a familiar warmth spread through her body.

They stand like that for several minutes, simply watching Jonas read.

"We can't let him go back."

Surprisingly, the confession comes from Maura. Jane looks at her wife, caught off guard.

"Yeah," Maura continues. "He's settling here. Taking him away would be too difficult. For everyone."

Jane thinks of leaving Jonas with another family. She finds she can't.

"We have two more days to decide," she speaks softly. "What do you want?"

Maura looks at the little boy, whose eyes are falling closed, the book still in his hands. "Do you really think we'll be good parents?"

"We can try," Jane replies, not mentioning that her wife ignores her question. "I'm sure it's better for him to live here than at his own house. And if he doesn't like the people he's staying with ... Why not, Maur?"

"Because," the blonde hesitates, "it's a life-changing decision. We can't just decide in a couple of days if we want a child."

"Why not? I have to admit, the timing of event was unfortunate," the brunette says, dropping her gaze. "But I've wanted this forever."

Maura's eyes light up a little. "With me?"

"No, with Lara Croft." The sarcastic answer is so Jane, and Maura realizes that she's missed this too. Her wife's sarcastic remarks. But she frowns after that, about to explain to the brunette how it's impossible to have a child with someone you've never met, until she sees the sparkle in Jane's eyes.

"With me," she realizes contently.

"Yes nutball, with you."

"Hmm," Maura mumbles. "Jonas does look a bit like me."

The brunette smiles, but doesn't get the chance to respond.

"In all seriousness, Jane, you realize this will be forever, right? If we do this?"

"I realize." The tone of Jane's voice is a little playful.

"We can't just dump him," Maura tries again. She can't help it. "And we'll have to arrange lots of things."

"I know." Jane replies.

Maura gently pushes her wife's arm away before turning around to face her. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Jane replies, sounding a little confident and a lot in love. "I want to have a child with you."

When Maura doesn't immediately reply, Jane reaches for her, asking again. "What do you want, Maur?"

The blonde leans in and tucks her head underneath her wife's chin.

"I think it sounds wonderful, Jane."

..

..

* * *

 **Super long chapter. Over four thousand words! Consider it an early Christmas present.**

 **There was a wonderful guest who left a review I completely agree with. He/she said (I left some things out because it was long): _For all you calling Jane an a-hole, remember she was in a hostage situation, worried about her wife, friends & co workers then witnessed her childhood best friend shot and killed. In order to save herself, she had to crawl over said body to do so. Maura is not acting rationally either. Everyone reacts differently to traumatic events._**

 **Yes, Jane wasn't nice to her wife. Not at all. But as written above, everyone deals with traumatic events differently, and Jane has promised to let Maura in from now on. Even if that goes against her beliefs and feelings. Isn't that love?**

 **Anyway. The ladies are making up. Possibly adopting a child. Yay?  
Tommy hasn't told where he's been. Jane has flashbacks and Maura has ****nightmares. Enough things to write about.** **See you soon & Happy Holidays y'all! **


	14. Chapter 14

It happens when Maura is on the phone.

The doctor is calling Jonas' foster parents to talk about possible adoption and Jane has put the little boy to bed. Right when the brunette closes his door and makes her way back to the living room, she loses herself in another flashback.

"Fuck," she mumbles, fighting against the images. "No. Please."

The terror Jane feels is paralyzing. It grips her and leaves her unable to move, so she freezes in the middle of the hallway. She tries to take a deep breath, but her lungs won't cooperate. She pushes herself with her back against the wall, just because it feels safer.

 _"What the fuck, Ryleigh? Are you making friends with your hostages?"  
_ _"No, I swear I wasn't, I just-"_

Jane slides down the wall, onto the floor, taking heaving breaths.

 _"You were just what? Telling our escape route? You're fucking worthless!"_

The brunette doesn't see her wife walk into the hallway. Maura is still on the phone, but when she sees Jane sitting on the floor, she tells the woman on the other side of the line she'll call back later. The blonde walks up to Jane and crouches in front of her, face full of worry.

"What's wrong, Jay? Talk to me."

The brunette's vision is troubled, and she can't make out what the blonde is saying. When she looks again, she sees Ryleigh's eyes instead of Maura's, and she lifts her arms to cover her head.

"No no no no," she mumbles. She can't breathe. Suddenly hands are touching her, and it feels as if they're all over her.

 _Get off._

Someone is talking. "Jane, you're scaring me. Can you talk to me?"

Those hands are still touching her.

"GET OFF!" she yells, pushing them away.

"Jane!"

Maura pulls back, looking at the brunette. Jane has buried her face in her hands and she's breathing too quickly, judging by the raising and falling of her chest.

The blonde tries to think of something to pull her wife out of this nightmare. She finds she can't think clearly.

"Think _,_ Maura," she whispers to herself, and suddenly, as if Jane is saying this, the brunette's words from a couple weeks ago come back to her. She clearly remembers the evening when Jane was playing the piano.

 _"My head gets messed up sometimes. I can't tell the difference between what's real and what's not."_

It clicks.

"Jane," Maura tries again, trying to keep her voice steady. At least her wife is silent, so she can be heard. "You're Jane Rizzoli. Remember who I am? I'm not Ryleigh. I'm Maura. You're safe here. You're with me. You're with Maura."

Jane takes a shuddering breath, teeth worrying her bottom lip. She doesn't respond.

"Tell me who you are," Maura tries, ever so gently.

It takes a few seconds, but finally, the brunette's hoarse voice sounds.

"Jane Rizzoli."

"What do you do?"

" … I'm a detective."

"That's really good, Jane. Do you remember who I am?"

"Maura. You're Maura," the brunette's voice sounds a bit stronger now.

"Can you look up at me?" the blonde tries.

The brunette immediately shakes her head, causing strands of brown hair to whip around. "No, please don't," she whispers, her breathing picking up speed again. "I c-can't, no, I won't."

"Okay," Maura replies, praying that she didn't just make it worse. "You don't have to. It's okay. You're fine, Jay. Listen to my voice."

"Jay," the brunette whispers, repeating the nick name.

"That's right," Maura replies. "Who calls you that?"

"Maura," the response is more immediate this time, and Maura could cry from relief.

"I'm right here with you. Can you look up at me now? I promise it's just me," the blonde tries again.

Finally, the brunette slowly moves her hands away from her face, but doesn't meet Maura's eyes just yet. The blonde waits patiently.

"Your hand," the brunette says quietly, still not looking up at her wife.

Maura obeys immediately, holding out her hand for Jane to take. The brunette does, running her fingers over Maura's palm before turning the blonde's hand over. Boney fingers ghost over Maura's knuckles until they reach her wedding ring, _their_ wedding ring. Jane considers it for a while before finally raising her eyes, meeting teary hazel ones.

She holds out her hands for Maura to take, and the blonde pulls her up from the floor without question. She wraps her arms around her wife, one hand around her waist and the other sliding into dark brown, messy curls.

"Maura," the brunette mumbles into her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"No," the blonde interrupts, wrapping her arm even tighter around her wife. "No. We're okay."

Jane presses a kiss to her wife's collar bone.

"Sorry," she repeats. "Sorry, I thought- I thought you were her."

Maura pulls back to look into her wife's eyes, still worried. The brunette doesn't look so disoriented anymore. She just looks tired.

"I know you don't want to hear this," the blonde says. "But we should really look into getting you a therapist."

She holds up her hand to silence her wife's protest. "No. Your flashbacks are getting worse. You can't go back to work like this. Imagine if this happens in the middle of the bullpen."

Jane sighs. She doesn't want to go to therapy. That's what she means to say, but something else comes out.

"I'm not worth it."

Maura's hands fall down by her sides in complete disbelief. "What?"

"I'm not worth it," Jane repeats. "Look at me. Look at what I have become. A struggling, stubborn, annoying detective who can't cope with trauma. You deserve better."

The blonde kisses her wife. Anything to make her stop talking. To make her stop saying these hateful things about herself.

"Jane." There's an entire speech in the way she says the brunette's name. She shakes her head, unable to prove to her detective that she's worth everything. "I don't ..- You're not- You're _so_ worth it. You deserve the world and I want to give that to you. Let someone help you."

The brunette sighs again, pulling away.

"Maura."

"I really don't want to argue about this," the blonde cuts in. "If you look deep down, you know therapy would be the most beneficial option for you. I will support you through anything, Jane, you know that."

"I'm so lucky you haven't left me," Jane replies, although it doesn't have much to do with the conversation they're having. "I've been an ass."

That makes Maura laugh. "Yes, you have been. But I still love you."

Jane's expression turns serious again. "No matter what?"

"No matter what."

..

..

The days seem to drag by. It doesn't feel like Friday, _the_ Friday, is coming any closer.

Until it's finally there.

The foster care office is light green, with painted leaves on the walls of the waiting room. Jonas is sitting next to Jane and Maura on one of the chairs.

Ashley is running late, and Jane is nervously bouncing her leg. Maura points it out, and the brunette stops for a bit, until Jonas' foster parents walk into the room and she can't help herself.

Eventually, Ashley's head pokes around the door. "Jonas?"

They all get up and follow Ashley into her room, where six empty chairs are waiting for them.

At first, Maura does most of the talking, because she's more familiar with the official procedures than Jane. The brunette just holds her wife's hand in support. The foster parents tell them it's fine with them, because there's no use in raising a child that doesn't want to be with them. It'll be terrible for themselves and for Jonas, and they want what's best for the little boy.

"He hasn't really settled with us anyways," the father says. "And you live in Beacon Hill, right? Is Jonas' school close enough for him to stay there?"

Maura nods. "Yes, absolutely. There's no need for him to switch schools."

When neither one of them seems to have any more questions, Ashley cuts in.

"There is one last requirement."

"Anything," Jane replies. Maura squeezes her hand, as if the contact can transfer all the love she has for the woman next to her.

"You need to put him in therapy," Ashley says. "Although Dr. Isles may be medically trained, neither one of you is fully capable to give him the treatment he needs. The foster family could help him at home, but you can't."

"We will," Jane replies. "I'll arrange it right away."

"And Jonas needs to go back to school as soon as possible. It'll be good for him to connect with his friends again," Ashley says. "And Jonas, are you okay with this? Do you want to stay with Jane and Maura?"

It seems like an unnecessary question to ask, since Jonas has been asking non-stop if he could stay with them, but Ashley has to ask it anyways.

"Yes," he replies, more serious than Jane has ever seen him. She would laugh if this moment wouldn't mean everything in the world. "I wanna stay with them. Is that okay?"

He looks at his foster parents, who smile encouragingly. "Of course," the mother says. "We would miss you, but we want you to be happy. Are you happy when you're with them?"

It feels like an interrogation, and Jane is not used to sitting on the other side of the table for that. She starts bouncing her leg again, but what Jonas says next puts her at ease immediately.

"Jane makes me laugh always." The little boy looks up at the brunette. "And Maura knows everything."

The blonde reaches for her wife's hand.

"We're ready for this," she says, more to Jane than to Ashley, although the woman thinks it's meant for her.

"That's good," she says. "If all parties agree, we can continue with the paperwork. We have a couple of things to discuss and figure out."

Jonas has started to get restless, and he tugs on Jane's free hand. "Am I living with you forever now?"

"Almost, buddy," Jane replies. "Almost."

The look on Maura's face when she says this. It makes that Jane would do this over and over again.

They come first. Her family. Over everything.

..

..

They walk out of the building holding hands. In three weeks, after their appointment in court on January 4th, they'll officially be a family.

"Shall we go to the movies to celebrate?" Maura offers, looking at her wife and Jonas.

Jonas' eyes get wide immediately.

"Movies? Like a big screen?"

Jane laughs. "Yes, bud." She untangles their hands and throws an arm around his shoulder. "You pick. It's your day today."

Jonas is immediately excited, jumping up and down on the way to the car. Maura holds the car keys up questioningly, but Jane shakes her head.

"Nah. You can drive," she says. "If you want, I mean."

"Of course." Maura smiles and gets in, waiting for Jane and Jonas to get in as well.

They drive to the closest cinema, and it's not busy at all. Christmas break hasn't arrived just yet, and it's only two in the afternoon, meaning most children are in school and parents are at work.

The wall of the entrance hall of the cinema is filled with posters. It's easy to see which ones are children's movies, because Jonas runs to a poster, immediately recognizing. "Jane! Maura!" The brunette smiles at her wife before they make their way over to the little boy, who's pointing at a poster of 'The Jungle Book'. He bounces on his feet, excited. "I read this book with daddy. Is this a movie, please? Can we go?"

"Of course," Maura replies, shivering when her wife's hand rests on her lower back, supporting her. "Let's go buy tickets."

It turns out they're the only ones in the cinema. The movie has started about ten minutes ago, and Jonas is sitting next to Maura, who's sitting next to Jane. The blonde was surprised that Jonas didn't want to sit in the middle, but she likes it like this, because she can ruffle his hair and hold her wife's hand at the same time.

"Jane," Maura asks quietly.

"Hmm?" The brunette glances at Jonas, but he's too caught up in the movie to notice.

"Do you know when his father died?"

The brunette frowns at the odd timing of this question, but she answers nevertheless. "I looked it up a couple weeks ago," she confesses. "His father died three months before he was abducted."

"That's not long ago at all," Maura replies under her breath. "I thought it would've been longer since."

"Hm," Jane mumbles, already distracted by the movie. "Can we do this another time?"

Maura laughs and squeezes her hand before turning to the big screen as well.

..

...

"I want him to get into soccer."

Jane leans in to nuzzle her nose in her wife's neck, inhaling her scent. They're standing in their bedroom after having put Jonas to bed.

"I want him to be a ballet dancer," Maura replies.

The brunette pulls back, laughing. "Well, that's going to be a problem." When Maura looks seriously troubled, Jane strokes her wife's cheek. "Honey! I don't care. I don't care which sport he'll like. I want him to do whatever he wants to do, and I'm going to be proud of him no matter what."

"Oh." Maura sighs contently and pulls her wife's tank top up a little, just enough for her to run her hands over Jane's stomach and up her bare back. Jane leans in and they hug, momentarily lost in the feeling of each other. But then, the blonde pulls back a little to kiss the bare skin of Jane's throat, and the brunette sighs, turning her head so Maura has more space.

Eventually, Jane gently pushes the blonde away and onto the bed, unbuttoning Maura's blouse in the process. Not much later, the blonde finds herself in just her bra, which is discarded quickly as well. Jane is kissing her everywhere, and she-

"Jane," Maura moans when the brunette bites down on her neck, harder than she normally does. "Please?"

The brunette pulls back to look at her wife. Maura is looking up at her, eyes wide and open and trusting and everything Jane needs to see. The brunette leans in to kiss her, and Maura sighs softly before wrapping both arms around Jane's neck to pull her down until she's fully on top of her.

"Please," she whispers. "Jane."

Desperate hands grip a black tank top and eventually dark brown hair when Jane moves down her wife's body, _finally._

Maura eventually has to hold on to the sheets to prevent herself from hurting Jane by pulling too hard. She groans when Jane slips a finger inside, ever so carefully, not wanting to hurt her.

"It's been a while," the brunette whispers from somewhere at the foot of the bed. "Is this alright?"

Maura nods, but realizes that Jane probably doesn't see it, and she manages a response before she pulls Jane's head back to where it was.

"Oh god oh god- Jane, please."

Jane looks up at her wife and reaches for Maura's hand with her own free hand, and their fingers entwine on the sheets next to Maura's hip.

She loves Maura like this. She'll never stop loving Maura. And when the blonde finally comes, the pleasure feels like it's hers as well.

..

..

"Jesus, Maur, I can't-"

It's only a few minutes later, but their positions are reversed. Jane is laying on her back, her wild hair spread around her head on the pillow. Maura pulls back at the brunette's mumbling to look her in the eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"No, yes, I mean, just- please don't stop," Jane replies, pulling her wife back on top of her.

Maura smiles at her wife's incoherence, and slips two fingers inside of the brunette before silencing her moan with a kiss.

"God, you feel so good," she comments, her voice right by Jane's ear. "I love you so much."

The blonde pulls back to bite on Jane's collarbone, grinning when the brunette arches up into her touch. She moves up to Jane's neck and feels her wife tense underneath her, an indicator that she's close already.

"You're okay, honey," Maura whispers against her wife's neck. "Let go. You're safe."

"Maur- I, _Maura."_

The blonde looks up at her wife. Jane's mouth is slightly open and her head is turned away from Maura's mouth, eyes shut tightly against the pleasure.

"Tell me," she commands. The brunette eyes fly open and her breath catches when Maura curls a finger inside of her.

"I love you," Jane's voice is rough, and it shoots right through the blonde, who's unable to resist another kiss. She presses her lips to Jane's, who's already tightening around her fingers. Right when she feels her wife on that edge, right before she falls over it, Maura adds a third finger. Jane cries out and lets go immediately, arching up against Maura, who just keeps holding on to the brunette and pressing kisses to every body part she can reach.

"Jesus." The brunette manages when she can breathe a little better, and she searches for her wife's eyes. "You're good."

"I hate to think that could've changed," Maura counters playfully, before pulling Jane's body closer to hers and reaching for the covers.

They both fall asleep within seconds, safe in each other's arms.

..

..

One of their phones is ringing, and Jane can't figure out which one it is through the haze of her sleep.

"Nhhh," she groans, rolling over and away from her wife, reaching for her own one first. Luckily, it turns out to be that one.

"Rizzoli."

"Hey, Jane."

"Frost?" the brunette blinks a couple of times before opening her eyes. It's morning, but she doesn't get much further than that. "What is it?"

"Nothing, nothing," he replies quickly. "I was just wondering if I could come over today. To see Jonas? Maybe we could go to the park."

"Oh!" she says, pleasantly surprised. "Uhh, I'll ask Maura."

She rolls back towards her wife, who has woken up as well and is looking at her with sleepy eyes.

"Frost wants to come over later. 'S that okay?"

"Of course," Maura replies, closing her eyes again and shifting closer to Jane. She reaches for the brunette's hand while Jane continues talking.

"My woman has spoken," Jane jokes. "Approved."

Frost laughs. "When are you coming back, Jane? There's a detective I know who kinda misses you."

"In a couple of days, hopefully," the brunette replies. "I have one more talk with the department doctor for .. mental stuff. But it shouldn't be long."

"And how are you doing physically?" Frost asks.

Jane squeezes her wife's hand. "I think my body is fine. Isn't it, Maur?"

She can almost imagine her partner's face flushing on the other side of the line.

"Please don't do that in front of me," he says, embarrassed.

"I'm not in front of you."

"Fuck off, Jane. You know what I mean."

"Fine, _Barold_. You can come over today," she replies, answering his original question. "I'm sure Jonas would love to see you again."

He replies happily before disconnecting. Jane checks the time before putting her phone back on the night stand, and she finds it's nine fifteen already. Jonas hasn't come to them yet, and she hopes he's still asleep so she can snuggle with Maura for a bit longer. When she rolls back, she notices that her wife's breathing has evened out again.

Jane smiles and pulls the covers up to her chin, wrapping an arm around the blonde's waist.

Maura sighs in her sleep and fits her head under the brunette's chin.

it doesn't take long before the brunette is dragged back into oblivion as well.

* * *

 **Happy 2019 everyone! I hope you had a great New Year's Eve and that this update is a good way to start the year. For this year, I hope the story continues to live up to your expectations and that it makes you feel something (sadness, anger, anything). My ultimate goal is to make people feel something with my writing.**

 **I love each and every one of you! Your words mean so much to me and I love reading your reviews.**

 **Sally rally, janeandmaura05, absgoalie3, sweetkid45, Barbie7088,** **thank you! Tingtorn78: Yeah I agree, I was already trying to work it into the story as you can see :) You were one step ahead of me! Katie1370, Akalittlered2 (I had such trouble writing your name at first but all the reviews you've left have made it a lot easier), Vbbneighbor, txsgurl621, thank you as well!**

 **Jamaican: I always think of you when I upload a new chapter. I'm like, I hope Jamaican likes it. It's true. Guest: I'm happy you love it! Pink lady: You're literally the first one to say that and I agree with you!**


	15. Chapter 15

Jane and Maura decide to organize a dinner to break the news to everyone.

They know that Jonas cannot keep his mouth shut, so the next time Angela will come over, she'll know, and neither Jane nor Maura want her to find out that way. So they invite her, Frankie, Tommy and Constance to dinner on Sunday.

The entire Sunday is chaos. Maura is running around the house, preparing an entire three-course meal and Jane is keeping Jonas busy, because he's too excited. When the food has been cooked, Jonas is dressed and the house is ready, Jane finds herself sitting on the couch, completely exhausted.

Maura joins her and puts her hand on Jane's leg.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah." Jane smiles faintly. "Are you sure we're doing the right thing?"

"Why are you doubting our decision?" There's no heat in Maura's voice. "I'm not mad. I just want to know why you're feeling this way."

"I'm just worried, Maur," Jane replies. "That's all. I think."

Slowly, the blonde lifts her hand from her wife's leg and lightly unfolds it across Jane's neck. She gently presses her fingertips down, and Jane closes her eyes for a minute. Until the doorbell rings, and Jonas comes running from upstairs.

"Hold on to the railing!" Jane yells before placing a kiss on her wife's cheek and getting up. "Let's do this."

Constance shows up first, and Angela barges in with Frankie a couple of minutes later, followed by Tommy. They all have a drink before Maura makes her way into the kitchen to get the first round for dinner.

When everyone is settled, the ladies with a glass of wine (even Jane), the boys with a beer and Jonas with an apple juice, Jane scrapes her throat.

"Um, if I could just get everyone's attention for a second," she starts. "Maura and I have an announcement to make."

"You're quitting your job?" Angela asks hopefully.

The brunette scowls, already annoyed. "Ma, what the hell?"

"Oh. I thought I could finally have a good night's sleep-"

"Thank you," Jane cuts in. "Anyway, we just wanted to tell you that Jonas will officially be a part of our family in a couple weeks. We're going to court just before Christmas."

At first, it's silent.

Jane searches her wife's eyes, but Maura's gaze is fixated on her own mother.

Then, everyone speaks at the same time.

"Really?"  
"A nephew!"  
"Janie! A grandchild!"  
"I knew it!"

Finally, Maura looks at her wife, and reaches for her hand over the dinner table. Jane wants to press a kiss to the soft knuckles, but out of the corner of her eye, she sees Frankie lifting Jonas in the air. He spins him around a couple of times, and Jonas shrieks.

"Frankie-" Jane starts, but her wife's hand tightens around hers. "You do it all the time, Jay," Maura says under her breath. "It's okay. Look."

The brunette does, smiling when Frankie sets Jonas down on Angela's lap, and her mother presses kisses all over the little boy's face. Jonas giggles, but doesn't move from her lap, and Tommy and Constance join him in his laughter.

..

..

Jane is refilling their wine glasses on the counter when one of the phones laying there lights up. She sets the bottle down and looks at the cracked screen, not sure whose phone it is. She wants to let it ring, but when she sees the name the screen, all the color drains from her face.

"Tommy."

Her voice is cold, angry, and it makes everyone at the table turn around.

"Is this your phone?"

She holds it up, the screen still lighting up with an incoming call.

Tommy pushes his chair backwards, immediately alert. "What are you doing with my phone? Who's calling me?"

"Jason Ramirez."

When Frankie hears his sister say that name, his fork clatters to the table. He needs a moment to recollect himself, but then it's all anger, and he shoves his chair backwards with even more force than Tommy. Frankie pulls on Tommy's so his younger brother faces him, and he glances at Jane, incredulous.

 _"The_ Jason Ramirez, Tommy? The gang leader from Southie?" Frankie has to refrain from yelling.

"He's just a friend!"

"Yeah, a friend who's on our watch list and has been arrested for more than five times in the past three years!" Jane joins the yelling at the table, the wine on the counter long forgotten.

"Don't talk about him like that!" Tommy yells back.

"Hey!" Angela cuts in, standing up as well. "Knock it off. Frankie, you have to stop choosing your sister's side every time."

He looks at his mother. "You don't even know what this is about!"

Jane grabs the back of Frankie's shirt and pulls him away from the table, because Jonas is looking at them with big eyes. She shoves her brother towards the other end of the table, and motions for Tommy and Angela to sit back down. Only Angela complies, but Tommy doesn't move. His broad shoulders and angry eyes scare Jane a little.

When they were younger, Jane would always win if they got in a physical fight. She knew she would. But recently Tommy has gotten stronger and fitter, and Jane is not so sure about winning now.

"Tommy," her voice shakes, and she feels her wife's eyes on her. "Why is Ramirez calling you?"

He breaks eyes contact, rolling his shoulders just like she always does when she's nervous.

"Just business."

Jane sees that Frankie wants to reply, but she silences him with a glare.

"What kind of business?"

"Janie," Angela starts.

"No, Ma. You want to know what this is about?" She looks at Frankie, giving him permission to continue, when she realizes something. "Wait. Maur?" She looks at her wife and at Jonas. "Can you .."

The blonde, still sitting on her chair opposite Jane, bites her lip. She doesn't want to leave her wife. Constance seems to sense this, because she gets up from the table.

"Jonas?" Constance starts. "Do you want to show me your new bedroom? I don't think I've seen it before."

The little boy jumps up, although he glances and Jane and Maura for a second. The brunette quickly fixes her face and wills her voice not to shake.

"Sure, bud. Go show her."

When Constance and Jonas have left the room, Jane's expression slips back into something pained. Maura reaches for her immediately, but her hand on Jane's lower back doesn't seem to help at all.

"Ma," Jane's voice is all pain and anger. "Jason Ramirez is the biggest drug dealer in Southie. He's been arrested more times than I can count, really."

"Why can't you ever be fucking happy for me?" Tommy shouts, not giving his mother a chance to reply. "I finally have friends _._ I don't know if you remember, Jane, but I didn't have many friends in middle school or high school. No, wait- You were too busy with your _girlfriend_ to even realize that I existed."

It's a low blow, but Jane freezes immediately. The floor sways under her feet, and she doesn't feel Maura tugging on her hand. Is this real?

"Jane was always there for us!" Frankie yells, even if it's just to draw attention away from his sister so she can compose herself. "When Ma was working another night shift at some crappy bar and Pop was laying on the couch, drunk, who made sure you ate your dinner and brushed your teeth before you went to bed? Who made sure you got up in the morning and gave you five dollars for lunch, even if that was the last money she had?"

Jane swallows. She never knew Frankie realized so much, knew so much about the things she went through to make sure her little brothers were okay.

"Those people you're hanging with are not _friends,_ Tommy," Jane manages eventually. "They're criminals. And I'm not going to pick you up at some warehouse after you've been beaten up by one of them."

Angela tries to interrupt again, but Jane sees it coming.

"No! They're bad people, Ma!"

"Hey, let's all just-" Maura tries, but her voice is too soft for the yelling Rizzoli siblings.

"I have more news," Frankie adds. "I'm not supposed to say this, but we're currently investigating an abduction. Ramirez is one of our suspects."

Judging by Jane's clenched jaw, Maura can tell that this information is new to her wife as well. She tugs on Jane's hand again, and the brunette finally sits down on the chair next to her, breathing heavily.

"Jesus, Tommy." Frankie puts his hands on his hips, looking so much like Jane that Maura would laugh if they weren't in this situation right now. "You're in trouble, man. Seriously."

Angela gets up from her chair, anger visible in all of her movements. Neither one of the Rizzoli's is completely sure at whom Angela is mad right now, so they all keep their mouth shut. But Jane's mother doesn't talk either, she just grabs her bag and her phone and leaves without saying another word.

"See what you did, sis?" Tommy's voice is less loud, but still powerful. "Another fucking family drama."

Jane buries her head in her hands.

..

..

Maura takes the plates from her wife, putting them in the drying rack one by one.

Tommy left right after Angela did. Frankie hung around for a bit, trying to show that he was still with his sister, but Jane had waved him away. He went home too. Constance was the only one who stayed for a little longer, trying to convince Jonas that nothing was wrong. She turned out to be even worse at lying than Maura.

Eventually, Maura's mother left as well, and Jane had thanked her for helping them to take care of Jonas. Although Constance must have heard their yelling, she hadn't asked, and Jane was incredibly grateful for it. Maura had let her mother out and now both women found themselves in the kitchen, doing the dishes.

When the last plate has been cleaned, Jane turns towards her wife.

"Sorry my family is such a mess," she apologizes, her voice breaking the silence that has been stretching on for nearly fifteen minutes.

"It's not like my mother was nice to us when we were younger," Maura replies. "And my father ... well, you know. So my family is a mess too, in a way."

"Your mother was just scared," Jane says. "Scared to lose you. That I might take you away from her."

"I would've gone with you," Maura replies. "If the relationship between my mother and I hadn't improved. If she hadn't come to our graduation."

The brunette reaches for her wife, burying her hair in blonde locks.

"I'm happy she did. She's so good with Jonas."

It takes a beat of silence before Maura replies. "She is."

Jane pulls back. "You really would've come with me?" she asks, not letting that go.

"Yes," Maura doesn't hesitate. "Of course. I'd still come with you."

"You know I'd never make you choose, right?" Questioning brown eyes meet curious hazel ones. "Between me and your mother," Jane clarifies. "She's your family."

"You're family too, Jane," Maura leans in and kisses her, slowly and wonderfully and just enough for Jane's eyes to be hazy when they part. "And I love you."

The brunette smiles shortly, but her wife sees that she doesn't feel like smiling at all.

"Hey," Maura tries. "Should I get your keyboard? If you play upstairs in our bedroom, Jonas won't wake up."

"No." Jane's answer is quick, and Maura raises her eyebrows, waiting for her wife to elaborate.

"Remember how I told you I didn't need to play anymore because I had you?" Jane's voice strains, as if she's holding back tears.

Maura nods.

"Before I had you," Jane continues, "I would play for hours, because looking up at my wall and realizing I was alone hurt more than pushing those same keys down over and over again. I'm- I can't play and look up again and not think of those times, Maura."

The blonde thinks for a while, considering.

"I'll sit with you," she offers. "For as long as you need. When you look up, I'll be there. You're not alone, Jane. You'll never be. Ever."

Jane's eyes are wide and uncertain, but her gaze softens when Maura smiles.

"Okay."

..

Maura keeps her promise. She sits with Jane, watching quietly as her wife plays a couple of songs, until she falls back into a melody that starts to sound familiar. After the fifth time, Jane's fingers slow down, and her shoulders fall a little when she pushes her fingers into the final chord.

With a heavy sigh, Jane lifts her eyes, and Maura is caught off guard by the emotion in them.

The chocolate brown eyes are a little teary, but not enough to actually cry. They're distant, too, and it takes more than a minute for Jane to fully focus and realize Maura is still sitting in front of her, waiting.

And when she does start crying, Maura is there.

..

A bad dream pulls Jane from her sleep at five thirty the next morning. Although the dream disappears quickly, she finds herself unable to fall back asleep. Rolling away from her wife, she pushes herself up and swings her legs over the edge of the bed. She sits for a while, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Just when she's about to get up, a soft hand presses on her back.

Jane turns around to look at her wife, who's looking at her with sleepy eyes.

"Okay?" Maura mumbles.

"I'm fine, honey," Jane replies, and she lifts Maura's hand to her lips. The blonde's eyes flutter closed at the touch, and she sighs. "I'm just going to get some water. Maybe go for a run. You sleep, Maur."

The blonde vaguely mumbles an affirmation before she rolls over and falls back asleep in seconds. Jane smiles softly and pulls the covers back over her wife before she quietly makes her way out of the room.

The door of their closet in the hallway creaks a little, but it's better when you push against it with your foot while you open it, and Jane manages to be fairly quiet while she looks for a shirt and leggings to wear. It's been a while since she's gone for a run, but now her body has recovered and she's scheduled to go back to work next week, she wants to start her morning runs again.

It's December and definitely colder than she anticipated. Her breath forms little clouds in the air when she jogs onto the sidewalk, her feet on the pavement the only sound in the entire street. Because it's so early, the sky is still dark, and the streetlights are still on.

Halfway through her run, she realizes that today is the day Jonas goes back to school.

Her watch tells her that it's six twenty-two, and judging by the distance she still has to run to their home, she knows it'll be at least seven until she gets back. Jonas will probably be awake by then, excited and nervous and more hyper than he's been the past couple of weeks. Jane smiles, shaking her head at herself.

A mother. She, of all people.

The part she loves most about these morning runs, is that she gets to see her city wake up. More and more houses have their lights on, the first businessmen leave by car. A few people are walking their dog, and she meets a couple of other joggers on her way back home.

It's exactly seven when Maura hears the key in the lock, and not many seconds later, her wife rounds the corner into the kitchen.

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself! I smell bacon." Of course that's the first thing Jane says.

Maura laughs. "Yes, you do."

She reaches for her wife, but the brunette hesitates, her breathing still a little irregular. "I'm sweaty."

"I don't care," Maura replies, hugging her and pressing a kiss to a clammy collarbone. "We could shower together."

"We can't," Jane says. "We gotta bring Jonas to school, remember?"

The blonde nods. Of course she remembers. It's all Jonas has been talking about the last couple of days.

As if he has heard them talking, footsteps on the stairs let both women know the little boy is on his way down. He nearly runs into the kitchen, his hair still bed crazy.

"Jane! Maura! School is today!"

The brunette chuckles and throws a look at Maura. "I can't remember ever being this excited about going back to school. How is he supposed to be my kid?"

"You loved school once you started talking to me," Maura counters with a smile.

"School is fun!" Jonas says. "I haven't seen my friends in so long." He lifts his arms, wanting to be picked up by either woman.

Jane eventually complies, and Maura turns around to finish their toast. Jonas is talking excitedly to Jane when his face suddenly falls.

"I don't have my backpack. It's still with my Mom," he says sadly.

Both women notice that he doesn't call his house 'home' anymore.

"Oh," Jane pretends to think, but winks at Maura when Jonas doesn't look at her. "Well, maybe there's something for you in the closet in the hall?"

Jonas immediately struggles to be let down. The brunette lets him go with a smile, and he runs off quickly.

It's not many seconds later that they hear an excited shriek coming from the hallway. Jane and Maura know exactly what he's looking at: a new backpack. Maura had gone to the mall to buy him one, with a matching lunchbox, and Jane remembers getting several panicked calls from her wife that afternoon.

 _"But Jane, there are so **many.** Which one do I buy?"  
_ _"You're saying there are many? You? With fifty-seven pairs of shoes?"_

Maura had never done that type of shopping and Jane, with two younger brothers, had an idea what Jonas would like. So it became a Cars backpack and a matching Cars lunchbox, which Jonas is holding up right now in the doorway to the kitchen, a big smile on his face.

"Thank you!"

Maura smiles. "Take it upstairs. See if there's anything you need for today."

Jonas jumps and turns around, already running up the stairs.

"Railing!" Maura yells after him, shaking her head when her wife starts laughing. "It's not funny, Jane. He could fall, hurt his head-"

But Jane pulls her wife closer by her waist and kisses her.

And Maura forgets why she was worried at all.

..

..

* * *

 **Just so you know... There's more to this than meets the eye (I had to say it). How would you feel if the mother who wasn't there for you when you were younger, now absolutely loves your adopted son and does everything for him? Maura might have some feelings about that. And Tommy .. Well. He's not all bad, you know. I don't believe in that. Everyone has good parts, sometimes they're just really small and hard to find. But they can grow.**

 **Rain and Guest: It's not coming to an end! Well it is, eventually, but not soon. I think. Thanks for the support!  
** **Jamaican: Jeez, wow... Your words. My heart cannot handle them. Don't stop! I don't mean it like that. I cry. Every time I read your reviews. THANK YOU always. I appreciate you.  
** **sally rally: Hi! I love reading your reviews. You're always there. Thank you for that! It had to be said.** **  
**

 **Ellenlover1998,** **Tingtorn78,** **Janeandmaura05,** **RandiMyers** **,** **txsgurl621,** **Vbbneighbor** **:** **thank you!**

 **Akalittlered2: She's gonna get the help she needs, and a detective is really who she is, so I think sitting at home isn't really good for her either. But I share your concern! So does Maura.**

 **Kik: It's okay! I'm so happy with every single review people leave me. It's okay if you can't always review and thank you for the kind words!**


	16. Chapter 16

Maura holds the white envelope in her hand, weighing it. Trying to read the words on the inside through the paper, although she knows that's impossible.

But that doesn't stop her from trying, or wishing she could.

The stamp on the front says _Boston Police Department_ and the envelope can only hold one thing. Jane's letter from the department doctor, saying that she's cleared for duty. Nearly two weeks have passed since her wife's visit to the doctor, and the brunette got more and more restless with each day that passed. Maura got the same question every day.

 _"Do you have it?" Wide, hopeful eyes look up at her.  
Maura sighs. This is the fourth time she has to disappoint her wife.  
"No, Jay. But I will tell you the second I do. I promise."  
_

On the one hand, Maura is happy. She's happy for her wife, who loves the work she does with everything she has. Jane has always said that she doesn't know who she is without her job, and maybe that's true. Maura thinks of the smile on the Jane's face when Frost and her run the interrogation room like a boss. Jane's protectiveness for anyone and anything who hasn't done wrong. Yeah, Jane _is_ her job.

But on the other hand, Maura is terrified. Of course both of them know the risks of being a cop. Everyone knows that. But after the shooting, after seeing Jane hurt and distanced, Maura finds she's even more terrified than before. She thinks of what this might do to their relationship, although Jane has been hurt countless times. She thinks of what might happen if Jane _doesn't_ make it someday. An immediate pain bubbles up so quickly that Maura has to shake herself a couple of times, trying to get back to reality.

She picks up the rest of the mail before walking back to the kitchen. Her wife is sitting on the couch, watching a game on ESPN.

"Jane?"

"Hmm?" The brunette doesn't look around, too engrossed in the game.

"I got something for you."

Now Jane does look around, and when she notices the envelope in Maura's hand, she jumps up immediately. Before Maura can say anything, the envelope is snatched out of her hands and torn open right in front of her.

Maura watches her wife's face while she reads the letter. Jane's eyebrow twitches slightly, indicating that she doesn't fully agree with the letter, but the smile playing on her lips tells Maura that it's primarily good news, and that Jane is finally going back to work.

When the brunette looks up, her eyes are twinkling. "Maura!" She nearly knocks her wife over with the force of her hug.

The other mail Maura's holding slides out of her hands and falls onto the floor. "Jane! Calm down."

"I'm going back!" Jane says, pulling back to look into her wife's eyes. She notices something that looks like disapproval, but not quite. "What is it, Maur?"

The blonde's answer is immediate. She knows she has to say it right now, otherwise it'll never happen.

"I'm not sure we should be on the same team anymore, Jane."

The brunette steps back, baffled by this sudden confession. "What?"

Maura's gaze drops to the ground.

"What do you mean?" Jane urges, lifting her wife's chin to make eye contact.

"I just," Maura starts, averting her gaze again, "I can't be on the same team with you, work the same cases and have those bodies on my table, only to think about what kind of person is behind those murders and what danger you might be in. I can't work with you and have all this information, Jane. I can't do it."

Jane waits, letting her wife's words sink in. When it seems Maura is finished, she reaches out, her bony fingers wrapping around Maura's shaky ones.

"Where is this coming from?"

"I- I don't know."

"Yes you do," Jane replies, voice soft. "Don't lie to me."

Maura tugs on the brunette's hands, who follows immediately, although she doesn't know where she's going. The blonde rounds the corner into the hallways, and leads her wife into the room that has become Jonas' room over the past couple of weeks.

"Look," she says, letting go of her wife's hands before walking towards the small desk that's shoved against the wall.

"What am I looking at?" Jane questions.

Maura ruffles through some papers until she finds what she's looking for.

"This." She shoves a white paper at Jane, who only realizes it's a drawing once she's looking at it. It's a child's drawing, and there are three people on it. Jane recognizes herself, her own gun and badge, and Maura's blonde hair. In the middle, it's Jonas, holding both of their hands.

Jane looks up, meeting the teary eyes of her wife.

"I-I don't understand, Maura. Can you-"

"I hope Jane doesn't leave us like my daddy did," Maura cuts in, her eyes a little glassy. "That's what Jonas said. I put him to bed yesterday, and this was laying on his desk." She motions at the drawing her wife is holding. "I asked him why, and he said 'My dad was police. Jane is police. Is she going away too, Maura?'"

 _Oh._

The brunette walks over to her wife, putting the drawing back down on the desk before reaching out for Maura. She wraps her arms around her, and the blonde cannot do anything but return the hug.

"What if he's right, Jane?" Maura's voice is muffled by the soft fabric of her wife's sweater. "What if you don't make it back one day?"

Jane shakes her head, sliding one hand into blonde curls. "No, Maura. I'm not leaving."

She feels her wife pull back a little so she can be heard when she speaks.

"At first," Maura tries, her voice laced with unshed tears. "It would be just me you'd leave behind. It wouldn't matter what would happen to me after. You know I'm nothing without you, Jane. But now we have Jonas, and if you leave us, I won't know what to do. I don't think I can-"

But Jane presses her lips to Maura's, and the feeling of warmth and safety is so immediate that Maura collapses back against Jane. She tightens her hold on Jane's back, scared that if she lets go, all of her fears will come true.

"I'm not leaving you," the brunette mumbles against Maura's lips. "I will always, _always,_ come back to you. To the both of you. I promise."

They stand like that for a while, until Jane pulls back.

"Can I please work with you, Maura? You give me a feeling of home when I'm on the job. You're my reason for fighting so hard."

When the blonde doesn't immediately reply, Jane takes her silence as an answer.

"Okay. I'll... I'll put in a request," she says hastily, running a hand through her hair. "I'm sure Cavanaugh can work something out for me. It'll be okay, Maur."

"Wait." Although Maura's voice still wavers, there's a look in her eyes Jane hasn't seen before. "Are you serious?"

Jane smiles shortly. "I'm not sure which part you're referring to, but yes, you're the reason I can do my job and yes, I'm willing to put in a request."

Her wife. Willing to do whatever Maura asks, willing to change the stable environment at work _for_ _her_. Just because she asks.

"I don't- Wait." Maura cannot find the words, and Jane smiles again. "Wait. I don't think I can do my work without you either, Jane, but.. But it just scares me."

"Yeah." The brunette pushes a strand of hair out of Maura's face and tucks it behind her ear. "I get it. But the risks are gonna stay the same, Maur. Even if I transfer. So I'd rather work with you."

"We're the best team in the state," Maura says softly.

Jane laughs. A real laugh that makes Maura feel a little giddy.

"We are."

..

..

On Sunday evening, Frankie calls his sister with good news.

"We caught them, Jane."

The brunette frowns, trying to figure out what he's talking about. "You caught who?"

"Whom!" Maura calls out from the bathroom. Jane shakes her head, ignoring her.

"The guys who were behind that drugs deal in the harbor," Frankie replies. "During the shootout at Headquarters. Those guys are the reason why you got shot in the first place."

Jane thinks. It's true, if that deal in the harbor hadn't happened, Ryleigh and her partner wouldn't have had to go to Headquarters. They wouldn't have died, and she wouldn't have been shot. But, she corrects herself, she also wouldn't have had Jonas. She wouldn't have bonded with him like she did. She wouldn't have had that fight with Maura, which has brought them closer together in the end. She appreciates everything she has so much more now.

"You did?"

"Yeah," Frankie says proudly. "Your family is even more safe now. Another group of criminals off the streets."

Jane smiles, standing up on her tiptoes to reach the shelf where her sweatshirts are.

"Thanks, brother."

Maura walks into the bedroom, wearing nothing but a long t-shirt. "What is it?"

"Frankie's team caught the people behind that drugs deal in the harbor. A group of well known drug dealers."

"That's great!" Maura says. "Tell him thanks from me. And does he know you're coming back tomorrow?"

Jane shakes her head. "Frankie .. See you at work tomorrow?."

Even Maura hears his excited shriek from where she's standing. "Really?! You couldn't have told me earlier? You idiot."

"Glad to know you're happy with it," Jane laughs. "I wonder if everyone is."

"But ...," he starts. "You got cleared? You're okay now?"

Jane sighs, turning away from her wife. She heads into the hallway, although Maura already knows everything.

"Yes," she starts. "Physically, I'm fine. But the department doctor wants me to go to therapy. To process."

Frankie makes a sound to let her know he's still listening, but he doesn't interrupt.

"So I need to give that confirmation to Cavanaugh tomorrow. Other than that, I'm back."

"I'm glad, Jane," Frankie says. He knows how much it means that his sister is sharing this with him. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"See you, brother."

Maura is already in bed by the time Jane re-enters the room. She's propped up against the headboard, reading a magazine with her hair up in a bun. It looks absolutely adorable and Jane stands in the doorway for a bit, just looking at her wife. It nearly takes a minute for Maura to notice the brunette standing there, but when she notices, she smiles a goofy smile that's just as cute as her bun.

Jane has to hold on to the door handle to make sure she doesn't stumble.

"You look ...," she falters, unable to find the words. "Relaxed."

Maura shakes her head, still smiling. She doesn't have to be a detective to know what her wife means.

"Come here," she urges, putting her magazine on the nightstand. "Take off your clothes."

Jane's eyebrows shoot up at the sudden request, but Maura corrects herself quickly.

"No, I don't mean it like that," she says. "I just mean, once you're in this bed, you'll never want to get up."

The brunette laughs. "True." She pushes her pants down her legs, kicking them towards the corner of the room. Her t-shirt gets thrown in the direction of the hamper, her socks following, and she pulls a sweater over her head. "Better?"

"Much." Maura pulls back the covers so her wife can get in. Jane complies, switching off the nightlight as she goes.

The blonde immediately cuddles into Jane, who wraps her arms around her. She presses a kiss to Jane's neck, smiling against the skin when she feels her wife sigh.

"I love you."

Jane pulls her closer. "I love you too."

It's quiet for a few minutes, and the brunette thinks Maura has fallen asleep. Jane herself tries to fall asleep as well, and she feels herself getting more and more hazy, until,

"Jane."

Maura's voice pulls her from her light slumber.

"Mm."

"When we were fighting ..."

"Maura, please." Jane interrupts. "I'm trying to sleep. I love you very much, but-"

"Shh. It's good news."

The brunette cracks an eye open to look at her wife. "You did _not_ just shush me."

Maura giggles. "I did. Anyway, my mother showed up at work. I haven't told you earlier, because we didn't really talk at first, and after a while I just forgot about it, because-"

Jane squeezes Maura's waist and the blonde stops immediately.

"Oh, right ... I'm rambling. She got us four tickets for the State Championships. The girl's team made it to the finals, and she thought we would like to 'relive our youth', as she phrased it."

The brunette opens both eyes at this new information. "She did what?"

"Is that okay?" Maura looks up at her wife. "You can pick three people to go with you. It's on January 7th. It's on a Saturday, but if you're on call, I'm sure we can figure something out."

"Maur." Jane's voice is filled with excitement. "Are you serious? I can go?"

The blonde smiles. "Yes."

"Can I ask Audrey to come?"

"You can ask whoever you want, Jane," Maura replies. "Although, you might want to hurry up if you're going to invite her."

"It's December 14th, Maura. There's nearly a full month left."

"Her job isn't as flexible as yours, Jane," the blonde counters. She's unsure if her wife will pick her to come as well. She remembers that Frost and Frankie usually came to Jane's games, and if Jane wants to pick Audrey ... Her mother only bought four tickets.

"I can practically hear you thinking," the brunette says gently, pressing a kiss to Maura's forehead. "Of course you're going with me, nutball."

The blonde pinches her wife's side, and Jane pulls away with a loud shriek.

"Maura!"

"Sshh!"

..

..

Jane's first day back at work is also the first day Jonas will stay at daycare after school. Although police work isn't alway a nine to five job, Jane and Maura can usually be found at headquarters during those times. Jonas finishes school at three, and neither woman can leave work early every day to pick him up.

So when it's Monday morning and the weekend is over, Jonas gets nervous. He doesn't talk during breakfast, and Maura gives Jane a knowing look over her bowl of cereal.

"What's up, buddy?" Jane questions.

"I don't wanna go to school today," Jonas replies a little sadly. "My stomach hurts."

"Oh," Jane replies. "Why do you think that is?"

"Because you're not coming to pick me up today."

The brunette cannot find a response quick enough, and Maura jumps in to save her.

"Of course we're coming to pick you up," she fills in. "Just a little bit later. Only two hours."

"How late?" Jonas asks, still unsure.

"Five, instead of three," the brunette replies, finding her voice. "When the clock says five, we'll be there, okay?"

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Although Jonas holds on to them a little longer than he usually does, he doesn't cry when they drop him off at school. And it doesn't take long before he's running after a soccer ball on the playground with the other kids.

Maura squeezes her wife's shoulder, waiting for the brunette's eyes to meet hers. "It's okay, Jane. He's fine."

Jane's gaze lingers on Jonas for a bit longer before she looks at her wife.

"It just feels so wrong. Leaving him here."

Maura smiles softly, reaching for Jane's hand. "You know he's been going to school for two weeks now, right? He'll be fine, lovely."

The brunette swallows, unable to admit that she's tearing up.

"Jeez, I'm turning into an emotional mother," she jokes, wiping her cheek with the back of her free hand. "I was hoping you could play that part."

Maura laughs while she searches for her car keys. She squeezes the bony hand in hers, smiling up at her wife.

"You've always been a softie, Jane Rizzoli. You're just too proud to admit it."

"Touché."

..

..

Of course it happens on her first day back at the office.

Jane hasn't even been in the bullpen for ten minutes when they get called in. A burglary on Dartmouth Street has gone wrong, one burglar has been shot and another one has escaped.

Frost gets his jacket and hands Jane hers before they walk to the elevators. Jane puts her gun in her holster and glances at Frost, eternally grateful to be back here. She has missed this, and although she'll probably never say it, she has missed Frost too.

The elevator stops at ground floor and the both of them get out. When they walk into the lobby, Jane hears commotion at front desk. She instinctively reaches for her gun, but when she hears the voice, she stops dead.

"Hey, let me go! I didn't do anything!"

She ignores Frost's look of surprise and walks up to the front desk, fury settling in the pit of her stomach.

"Tommy?"

* * *

 **Sorry for the cliffhanger. I really wanted to get something up, because college has started again and I'm super busy. I might not be able to write until Friday, so ... This chapter and the next one or two might be a little more Maura-centric to get an idea of the things she's dealing with.**

 **Vbbneighbor, sweetkid45, Akalittlered2 and Janeandmaura05, thank you so so much for leaving a review every time. I love them. Tingtorn78: Hey! You might want to go back to Chapter 9 to check how the Jonas case was solved! It all happened super fast so you might have missed it :)  
** **Jamaican: HI FRIEND! I cannot believe you're leaving such sweet reviews every time. They definitely keep me going, you're an amazing human.**

 **Hope y'all still like this story! Let me know?**


	17. Chapter 17

Tommy is accused of attempted robbery and possession of an unregistered firearm.

Jane is furious.

..

..

The brunette steps into the interrogation room, where Tommy is waiting for his lawyer.

Jane swallows before speaking up. "You know how much possession is?" she starts quietly. She deliberately falls silent, but her brother doesn't take the bait. "Seven years. If it's the first time you've been caught."

"I didn't do anything! I was just trying to get away from that house!" Tommy counters. "My mate got shot, Jane. Back off."

Jane falls silent immediately, shocked.

"Wait," she manages slowly. " _You're_ the second robber from Dartmouth Street? You're the one who got away?"

Jane finds that she can barely speak. She doesn't believe it.

"Well, I didn't really get away, did I?" Tommy counters. He wants to throw his hands up, but they're in handcuffs, stuck to the table.

"Jesus, Tommy …" The brunette runs a hand through her hair, turning away from him. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Her brother doesn't answer, and she turns back, furious.

"What _happened_ to you? You used to be-"

"Well I'm not!" He bursts out. "I'm not the perfect Rizzoli kid like you are. I don't have a steady job, I'm not a cop like you and Frankie. I'm the fucking family failure, Jane, and I'm sick of it."

"So you're gonna rob houses? For how long have you been doing this?"

"I only tried that house."

It doesn't sound like the truth. Jane has been a detective for more than five years and she might have bought it, if the person sitting in front of her wasn't her brother.

"What do you think this is going to do to my reputation? I have an appointment in court this _Friday,_ Tommy!"

"Your reputation, Jane? I'm about to be charged for a bunch of shit and you're worried about your reputation?"

"It's for Jonas!" She's nearly screaming, but she could cry just as easily. "We were officially going to be a family on Friday! What do you think the judge is going to say when he sees my name? Right after you're about to be charged for whatever crime you've committed?"

Suddenly, the door flies open and a brown-haired man walks into the room. "This conversation is over, detective."

"Well it wasn't an official conversation, _Sir._ " Jane scowls before turning around on her heels.

..

..

"Does she know?"

Jane meets Frankie in the hallway outside the interrogation rooms. She'd called him the second Tommy got taken away, into one of the holding cells.

"Ma?" Frankie replies. "No. I don't think so."

"What do you want us to do?" Jane says.

Frankie shrugs. "I'm not sure. How long do we have before she finds out?"

"Long enough," Jane smiles a little sadly. "The last time Tommy disappeared, he was gone for a week. She's not gonna worry unless it's been longer than that, I think."

Frankie reaches for his phone as it vibrates on his belt. "She always worries," he says, but his face goes white as he sees who's calling him. Jane looks at him questioningly. "Um," he says. "Hi Ma. What is it?"

Jane shakes her head at him. "Don't," she mouths.

"Have I seen Tommy," he says out loud for Jane to hear. "No, I don't think I did. He's probably out, doing some kind of job. He'll be fine."

Jane does a thumbs up, although she knows that this is only a temporary solution to a very big problem.

The elevator doors open and Maura steps out, looking around for Jane. Her face goes white when she sees her wife's face.

"Jane? Frankie? What is it? What happened?" Maura approaches them immediately.

The brunette shakes her head. "Tommy is the second robber. The guy laying on your morgue table is his buddy."

Maura swallows. "So that's why I couldn't do the autopsy. I went downstairs as usual, but I got sent back up here to talk to you."

"You're not allowed to do the autopsy?" Frankie questions.

Maura shakes her head, but Jane answers for her. "Conflict of interest. I'm her wife, Tommy's my brother. If he's involved, and it definitely looks like that, Maura cannot even _touch_ the dead guy."

"Oh," Frankie realizes. "Because if you could blame it all on him, then Tommy won't be charged."

"Not that Maura would do something like that," Jane says angrily. "It's bullshit. Maura's the best Medical Examiner in the State. The hell she would-"

The blonde holds up her hand, effectively silencing her wife. "While that may have been true a while ago, we both know that's not the case anymore. I can't be impartial when it's about my _family,_ Jane."

The brunette sighs, her eyes darting to the floor. Frankie puts an arm around her, but she shrugs him away and turns around without giving them another look.

"Jane-"

"Leave it."

Maura and Frankie watch the brown-haired detective disappear into the bullpen, her posture reflecting all her anger.

..

..

Jane was right.

Maura is not allowed to do the autopsy, nor is she allowed to run any tests. She finds herself doing paperwork the entire morning and into the afternoon, until she decides she's done.

Her watch tells her that Jonas finishes school in thirty minutes. If she leaves now, she can be on time to pick him up so he won't have to go to daycare. She debates going upstairs to tell Jane, but she's not sure how the brunette feels and if she even wants to see Maura, so the blonde decides on not telling her.

She picks up Jonas from school, who's extremely happy to see her. If he notices that she doesn't act like her usual self, he doesn't say it.

They have only been home for half an hour when Maura's phone pings. The message is from her wife, and it's short.

 **To:** Maura Isles  
 **From** : Jane Rizzoli

 _Are you home?_

She frowns before replying.

 **To:** Jane Rizzoli  
 **From:** Maura Isles

 _Yes. I picked Jonas up from school. I didn't know if I should tell you.  
Why are you asking? _

She doesn't get a response.

..

Jane silently opens the front door, wanting to sneak in as quietly as possible so she can listen to her family.

 _Her family._

"Can we bake cookies, Maura?" Jonas' excited voice sounds from the kitchen.

She smiles and shakes her head, dropping her coat on the table in the hallway. She listens to her wife's reply.

"Oh." Jane can almost hear the struggle her wife is having. "It's only Monday. Don't you think it would be better to do it this weekend?"

The brunette rounds the corner and walks into the kitchen, and replies before Jonas can.

"Why not now? Why wait for Saturday?"

Maura spins around and Jonas calls out for her. "Jane! You're home!" He runs up to her and she lifts him up, holding him tightly. When she sets him down, Maura is next to her already, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"You came home," she says. Almost as if she didn't expect her wife to come back after this day.

"Yeah." Jane's smile is a little sad. "I couldn't ... stay. At work."

Maura looks at her questioningly, but Jane shakes her head. "Later."

She pulls the cup of coffee from Maura's hands, and the doctor lets her take her two big sips without questioning. The brunette smiles sheepishly before placing the cup back in her wife's hands, pressing a kiss to her cheek as she goes.

It's not many minutes later that both women find themselves in the kitchen, elbow deep in cookie dough with Jonas doing a happy dance around them. He has flour all over his cheeks and laughs when Jane smears some on Maura's nose.

When Maura puts the cookies in the oven and Jane sets a timer, Jonas catches the both of them off guard.

"Is today a family day?" he asks all of a sudden. "Cause we're going to be a family soon?"

Maura looks at her wife, watching her shuffle through several emotions. She debates whether she should save Jane from this and speak up, or let the detective work it out for herself and figure out an answer.

"Yes," the brunette manages eventually. "Today is a special day. Just for the three of us."

Jonas smiles and runs up to her for a hug. Jane doesn't lift him, but the little boy throws his arms around her nevertheless, and Maura sees her wife's face go hard and impassive for a second. When Jonas pulls back to look up at her, the brunette is smiling again, like that shift of emotions hasn't happened.

It is so Jane, that Maura has to work not to cry.

She turns towards the sink and holds her hands under the cold water, washing the remainders of the cookie dough off her fingers. It doesn't take long before familiar arms wrap around her waist and Jane presses a kiss to the side of her neck. "Hey."

"Mhm."

"Are you okay?" Of course Jane would be the one to ask her if she's okay.

"Yes," Maura replies. "Are you?"

"I am now." Soft and husky in her ear. Maura shivers and turns around, facing her wife.

"I love you. You're incredible."

Jane smiles knowingly. She thinks back of the look on Maura's face when she entered the room.

"I know."

..

..

The afternoon quietly slips into the evening.

Jane acts as if nothing's bothering her and Maura doesn't push her. She lets her wife take Jonas to bed and watches as the brunette enters the kitchen.

"Do you want me to get you anything?"

Maura shakes her head. "Thank you."

She continues proofreading a report from one of her coworkers while Jane sits down on the couch, folding her feet underneath her. The brunette starts watching an old Red Sox game, and Maura loves her for staying close. For not pulling away and going upstairs.

Halfway through the third inning, the doorbell rings.

Maura looks up, but Jane is already heaving herself up.

"I'll go," she says. "You keep reading."

The blonde smiles before continuing where she left off. She's so caught up in correcting her coworker's mistakes, that she doesn't hear an argument in the hallway about to escalate.

Then, Maura's head whips up at the sound of Jane yelling. She shuts her laptop immediately, ready to go to her wife if the situation calls for it. It's only when she realizes that the second voice is Angela, that she decides to stay put and listen for a bit.

"Why didn't you do anything, Janie?" Angela sounds desperate. "Why didn't you-"

"Because I couldn't!" Jane's angry voice rings out from the hall. "I can't just step in and say, 'hey, this is my brother, don't arrest him'. It doesn't work like that!"

When Angela doesn't seem to slow down, and when Jane has stopped responding, Maura slips from her bar stool, intend on getting to Jane as fast as possible. Neither woman notices her when she walks into the hallway, both too caught up in their emotions.

She puts herself between Jane and her mother without even thinking about it. She doesn't see their equally shocked expression.

"I want you to leave." She thinks her voice must sound horrible. "I don't want you here if you're going to yell at my wife like that. Jane didn't do anything wrong, and I don't want you to make her feel that way."

She turns around to face Jane, who looks visibly distraught.

"Jay. Go upstairs to our bedroom, okay?"

"Wha-" Angela starts, but Maura whirls around and points a steady finger at the woman's face. "Shut up."

Angela falls silent immediately, not used to Maura reacting like this. The blonde turns back to her wife. "I'll be right there. Go." She stands up on her tiptoes and kisses Jane softly. "Go," she repeats a little more forcefully. Jane obeys immediately, her sock feet barely making a noise on the stairs. Maura waits for the sound of their bedroom door closing before she turns back to Angela.

"You know, you really shouldn't command her like that," Angela says.

"I'm not commanding her," Maura counters. "I'm only doing what's best for her. And you yelling at her like that is definitely not it."

"How do you know what's good for her? How-"

"How _don't_ you?" Maura cries out. "You think yelling at her is going to make her feel any better? Her youngest brother is in prison. You really think she doesn't feel horrible enough?"

Angela takes a step back, defeated.

"Yes, he's your son. But he's also her brother. And it's not her fault, Angela. Don't you dare say that to her ever again."

"Well, Doctor Isles," Angela seems to have recovered, and the tone of her voice is not to be mistaken. "I think we disagree on that part. If she had just asked him what he was doing, she could've prevented this. Isn't that another task for police people? Prevent things from happening?"

Maura shakes her head in disbelief.

"I'm not doing this right now. Come back later, when you've come to your senses. I want to go to my wife now."

Angela opens her mouth to say something, but Maura interrupts.

"Thank you. Good evening, Angela."

..

..

"Pop hit Ma once."

Maura stops undressing to look at her wife. Jane is sitting on their bed, hands in her lap. She hasn't moved since the blonde entered the room, but Maura leaves it for now.

"Ma said something he didn't know an answer to," the brunette continues. "He knew he couldn't win the argument with words. So he just slapped her across the face."

It takes a moment for Maura to decipher the meaning behind all of this.

"You wouldn't hurt me like that, Jane. You could never."

"Tommy's in prison. Ma hates me. Pop hits- used to hit us too sometimes. What about me? Who am I?"

Maura frowns when Jane catches herself, too late, to change the verb to past tense. The brunette hasn't slipped up like that before.

"You _wouldn't_ ," she replies. "You're not them."

She holds out her hands when Jane shivers, and the brunette lets herself be pulled up from their bed and into Maura's embrace.

"You're incredible. I hope someday you'll see what a brilliant, compassionate, brave, humble, _beautiful_ woman you are."

Maura feels wetness on her shoulder and knows that her wife is crying, but she doesn't comment on it. She only holds her tighter.

Jane sniffs and shivers when the blonde runs her hands up and down her back.

"You're not blowing your nose in my t-shirt, are you?" Maura attempts.

That makes Jane pull back and laugh, a real, genuine laugh.

The blonde swoons.

Jane leans in for a kiss. It starts off gentle, but the brunette pulls Maura impossibly closer by her hips, usually a sign that she wants more.

Maura lets her wife lead, not mentioning that it's only eight in the evening and the kitchen lights are still on and the door isn't locked. All of that doesn't seem to matter anymore when Jane puts her hands on her.

In that moment, nothing matter anymore. It's just them and their everlasting love.

* * *

 **Hi guys!**

 **Thank you for waiting so long. I promise I'll always come back to continue this story. It just might take a little longer now since my life is still a mess. Check out the A/N at the beginning of 'And Then There Was You' to know.**

 **Thank you a thousand times for your patience. I LOVE you.**


	18. Chapter 18

They find themselves underneath the covers not many minutes later, only half-clothed and desperate to feel each other.

Anything to make them stop feeling whatever terrible emotions they're feeling.

Maura wants her wife to come apart in her arms, so she can collect all the pieces and put her back together. She wants to hold Jane and kiss her, make her feel like she matters. Because she does.

The blonde presses a few kisses to her wife's neck, moving down to her collarbone. She feels Jane resisting her touch and she frowns slightly, but continues. Eventually, the brunette gently pushes her away.

"No, Maura." A hint of sadness.

"Tell me. Jay?"

Dark brown eyes meet hers, wide and conflicted.

"I can't ...- I don't deserve you. I don't-"

She doesn't get the chance to finish, because Maura is already pressing her lips to Jane's, effectively silencing her. She holds on to her wife's hip with one hand, preventing her from pulling away.

"Don't fight me," Maura whispers when they part. "You deserve to be loved."

She ignores the pain in her chest when Jane shakes her head. Maura loosens the first three buttons of her wife's blouse and starts pressing kisses to her sternum, all the way down to the elastic of the brunette's boxers, unbuttoning the blouse in the process.

Jane tries to protest, but the blonde is gently taking off her underwear and she finds she cannot voice her thoughts. Still, she fights against her wife's touch, the voice in her head too strong. She wraps a hand around Maura's wrist, whose hand is gently caressing her stomach and side. The blonde stills, but doesn't pull away. She's not one to give up easily. Especially not when it comes to Jane.

"Trust me. I love you."

"I don't...," Jane tries again. "I can't."

"You can," Maura presses. "I will never leave you. You are worthy, and beautiful, and incredibly strong. Let me love you, Jay. Stop punishing yourself."

The brunette has stopped fighting, and Maura allows herself to feel hopeful.

"Jay. Trust me." She's careful to keep her voice quiet and soft. She does not ask why her wife's fear has returned. She knows.

"Okay." Barely audible, but there. The blonde sighs, relieved.

"But, Maura?"

"Yes, sweetheart."

"I need to feel you."

Maura looks up and meets brown eyes, asking for her. She knows what Jane wants and does not hesitate to move back up her wife's body, burying her head in the crook of Jane's neck so the brunette can wrap her arms around her.

She feels those arms tighten when she slips two fingers inside of her wife, mumbling softly against the skin of Jane's neck to calm her.

"I-I... please, Maura," the brunette tenses, hands leaving her wife's shoulders to hold on to the bed sheet. "Tommy … My mother-"

"Shh," the blonde whispers, not stopping her movements. "It's okay."

"Don't leave me."

It's Jane's last try to get out what she really wants to say.

"I'm right here with you. It's just you and I, Jane. It will always be."

Maura watches as her wife comes undone, still not fully believing that _she_ can do this. That her wife trusts her enough to give up control every single time, even in difficult moments like this.

She holds onto Jane until the brunette sighs contently, and her grip on the sheets loosens slightly until she's completely relaxed.

The blonde feels when her wife starts to push her own shirt up, but she shakes her head. "Jane."

"I want to."

"You're tired."

Maura does her absolute best to not sound accusing. It seems like it has worked, because Jane raises her eyes to meet hers. She looks a little guilty and mostly just exhausted.

"... Yes."

The blonde leans in and kisses her wife slowly, trying to convey that it's okay.

"I love you," Jane says drowsily, already half-asleep by the time Maura leans back.

Maura laughs softly before reaching behind her back to discard her bra, letting it fall onto the floor next to the bed. She leans over to grab the covers, pulling them over the both of them.

Jane shivers when their skin touches again and she immediately curls into her wife, nestling her head under Maura's chin.

The blonde presses a kiss to Jane's forehead.

"I love you too."

..

..

When Jane wakes up, the clock on her nightstand shows 3:07 AM. She blinks a couple of times, eyes adjusting to the darkness. She looks again to confirm it's really three o'clock, because there's no reason for her to be awake. She remembers the events of last night, her mother showing up at heir door, and Maura saving her like many times before.

Jane shakes her head and rolls over to check her phone. No missed calls.

She lies back down and turns around, wanting to snuggle against her wife and close her eyes to go back to sleep.

Maura's not there.

The immediate panic makes that Jane freezes for a second, unsure what to do, until her feet are already leading her out the door into the hallway.

She finds her wife in the kitchen.

The blonde is taking deep breaths and has her hands on the counter, as if she's bracing herself against .. pain?

"Maur?"

The blonde whirls around, eyes frightened, until she realizes it's just Jane. "Hi." As if it's normal to be in the kitchen in the middle of the night.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Too quick and definitely not honest. "Although I don't think I could tell you otherwise. No one is going to believe me if I say that-"

The blonde starts rambling and Jane nearly rolls her eyes. It's three in the morning, for heaven's sake.

"Maur."

"PTSD is only really for those who have gone through trauma and-"

"Maura."

"I don't know what to think or feel-"

"Maura!"

Finally, the doctor stops rambling, and hazel eyes meet brown ones.

"You have them too," Jane states, not putting this up for debate. "Nightmares. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I …," Maura starts, but falls silent again. She straightens her nightgown. "I felt guilty."

The brunette frowns, not understanding.

"I felt guilty," Maura repeats. "Because I wasn't there. I wasn't in that building. I wasn't there with you, because you called in time to save me, Jane. I didn't experience any of it, _you_ did. I don't have the right-"

"Stop it." There's no heat in Jane's voice, but the interruption is powerful nonetheless.

"I know what PTSD is, Maura, and so do you. We both know it doesn't just happen to people in the army. It can happen to anyone who has gone through something they experienced as traumatic. And, in my opinion, what you saw what pretty fucking traumatic."

Maura doesn't bother to correct Jane's language.

"How could that be traumatic? I wasn't in there. Nothing happened to me!"

Jane smiles sadly. "Tell me that hearing those gunshots wasn't traumatic. _Knowing I was in there._ And then seeing me stumble out and not respond to you at all. I know that wasn't my fault, Maura, but convince me that wasn't traumatic for you."

Maura finds she cannot.

"So, despite the things you're telling yourself," Jane continues, holding her wife's gaze. "you don't have to feel guilty about what you're feeling. If you're having a nightmare, a panic attack, if you're feeling sad or terrified or _anything_ , Maura. You should come to me."

The blonde lowers her eyes. A teardrop falls onto the carpet. She sighs, trying to get her emotions under control. But then, Jane's arms wrap around her, and she doesn't care for anything else.

"I didn't want to tell you. Especially not now, with Tommy and your mother and... I'm sorry, Jay," she manages through her tears. She rather feels than sees the brunette shake her head.

"No, Maura," Jane replies, "Don't be sorry. Just promise you'll come to me. Trust me like I trust you. Please."

The blonde buries her head in the crook of Jane's neck, sighing when the brunette gently squeezes her and presses a kiss just below her ear.

"Okay."

..

..

Tommy is found guilty of all charges.

Jane cries in the middle of the courtroom.

Maura doesn't acknowledge it for the sake of Jane's pride, but she rubs her wife's back, offering silent support.

Angela isn't so silent, though. A loud "NO!" is heard while she jumps up when the judge informs the rest of the courtroom of his final decision. Frankie is there immediately to shut her down and spare his sister from having to go through that, too.

"Ma. You can't yell in here. It's okay. We're going to be okay."

"That's my boy, going away in there. My boy," she cries, and Jane turns away from her, into the safe arms of her wife. Maura has been waiting for this for the past twenty minutes and wraps them around the brunette immediately, whispering comforting words in her ear.

Jane stays there for a couple of seconds, in Maura's safe space, before pulling away and wiping at her eyes. She gets up, glances at her family one more time before walking out of the courtroom.

Maura is left behind with Frankie and a crying Angela.

It's then that she realizes she hasn't spoken to Jane's mother since she kicked her out. She glances at the older woman, but Angela is too caught up in her own grief to notice that Jane has gone already. Frankie looks at her from over his mother's shoulder and tries to smile a comforting smile.

Maura attempts one too, but it's like her wife's sadness has transferred into her own body. She cannot even make her lips move.

"Go see your wife," Frankie says, his arms still around his mother. "I'll take care of her."

The blonde shakes her head. "No. I don't think she wants company now. She'll come back when she's ready, Frankie. Our appointment is in an hour."

He eventually agrees, although the crease in his forehead tells Maura that he'd rather see her go to Jane. But she knows that there's nothing she can do for her wife right now.

They're ordered to leave the courtroom, because another case is about to begin. Angela has stopped crying, but she doesn't say a word. She doesn't meet Maura's eyes either, and eventually walks off to the bathroom.

"What are we going do to?" Maura says, at a loss. "Angela hates me."

"No," Frankie shakes his head. "She just can't deal with this. It's not your fault."

The blonde tries to swallow the next words, she really does, but she can't help but see the pain in her wife's eyes when she thinks back.

"Angela says it's Jane's fault. And I kicked her out. She hates me, Frankie. I promise."

Frankie looks away.

"You knew!" Maura yells. When she realizes people are staring at her, she looks away too, suddenly shy.

"She told me," Frankie says, putting his hands up. "But she also told me she feels like a failure. For not protecting us when we were younger, for not raising Tommy the right way."

"It's biologically speaking not her fault," Maura starts. "She raised you three the same way. It isn't fully Tommy's fault either. His brain just has different connections, which make him more likely to make a wrong choice or agree with a deal that won't work out well."

"You totally dumbed that down for me, didn't you?" Frankie laughs.

Maura manages a smile too. "I might have. Jane hates it when I say scientific things she can't understand."

"Jane loves that you're smart," A deep voice sounds behind them. "Even if it takes me ten hours to figure out what you mean."

A cold hand slips in hers, and Maura sighs at the warmth that spreads through her.

"Jay."

"Hey."

That's all they share at the moment. Nothing more, nothing less. They don't need to.

"Maybe I should go look for Ma," Frankie says apologetically. "I'll see you?"

Jane nods and waves him away, before he can start asking questions. When he has gone, she doesn't turn to Maura. They just stand there in the hallway, a little to the side so they're not in the middle of it, next to each other. It's all the brunette needs, and Maura knows that. So she keeps standing and holding her wife's hand.

..

..

At the end of the day, Jonas is officially a part of their family. The joy they were supposed to feel has been taken away by Tommy's case, and only Jonas is happy.

On the way home, he shares that to have pizza for dinner to 'ce-le-bate'. Maura is too tired to cook and Jane is too tired to say no. So pizza is what they have.

Maura offers to put Jonas to bed so Jane can have a little time for herself. When she enters the living room again, Jane is asleep on the couch, her feet curled up underneath her.

The blonde bends down to press a kiss to her wife's temple.

"Jay."

"Nhhh," the brunette groans. "Sleep."

"I know, honey," Maura chuckles softly. "Let's get you up and in bed."

Jane cracks one eye open.

"Maura."

"Yes, beautiful."

The brunette manages to pull her arm from underneath her ribs and holds out her hand for her wife to take. The blonde gently lifts her from the couch, kissing her softly when they both stand.

"Nothing. Nevermind."

Maura frowns, but doesn't push. She does a last round through the house to switch all the lights off before she takes Jane's hand again, leading her upstairs.

Neither woman mentions that it's only eight thirty on a Friday night.

Jane doesn't bother to change into something comfortable, she just takes off her clothes and curls up underneath the covers, quickly followed by Maura. The blonde lies behind her wife, one arm slung around her waist. Their hands entwined on Jane's stomach. They don't talk.

Jane sighs contently, surrounded by the safety that is her wife. If she closes her eyes long enough, she can almost trick herself into thinking nothing's wrong. That her brother isn't going to prison and her mother hates her. But when she hears Maura's breathing even out and knows her wife has fallen asleep, a sudden wave of loneliness and fear hits her. Even with Maura's arm wrapped around her, she feels like the loneliest person in the world.

The trembling of her hands doesn't seem to stop, until she's shaking so badly that it wakes Maura again.

"Jane?"

The brunette rolls over and into her wife's arms, her slender frame shaking. She's crying.

Maura doesn't offer comfort with words. She knows right now it's just about being there.

Only when she's sure that Jane has fallen asleep, she allows consciousness to take her as well.

..

"What do you think? Should we go tree shopping today?"

It's Saturday morning, and Maura is loading the dishwasher after breakfast. Jane has gone upstairs to shower, leaving the blonde to clear the table after Maura had assured her at least five times it was okay.

From where she's standing, she can see Jonas sitting in his chair, eyes wide. "Christmas tree?"

The blonde laughs, thinking of the first time she felt like this. Her first actual Christmas was with Jane, and it was a full, happy and noisy day with the Rizzoli family. She had been as just as excited as Jonas is now.

"Yes," she replies. "If you grab your coat and make sure you're ready, we can leave in a couple of minutes."

"Jane!" she calls, loud enough to be heard upstairs. "Five!"

"Yeah!" Comes the reply. And then, a couple of seconds later, "Wear your long coat, Maur. I like it."

The blonde smiles to herself before she heads for the hallway closet.

..

..

* * *

 **Thank you. Thank you a thousand times for your patience and your kind words.**

 **Vbbneighbor, soccer lady, Guest and Guest, Jordan Springs, sweetkid45, janeandmaura05: Thank you so much! I can't believe y'all are still enjoying this and continuing to review. Wow. That means a lot.**

 **Rain: Hey! I remember you telling me you didn't always get the chance to leave a review. Glad to see you here and thank you!  
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** **River P: Hi there! I'm not sure I've seen your name before in the reviews, I'm happy to see you like it :)  
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**I'll be back as soon as possible. Thank you for waiting!**


	19. Chapter 19

The early winter makes itself known by bringing a few chilly nights to Boston. Especially the night before a Christmas event at Jonas' school - an event for the parents that called for both of them - is freezing cold. And Jane has been dreading it. The cold, yes, but mainly the event. She awakes alone that Friday morning, to specks of light catching her line of sight. The lights they've hung in their bedroom to create a Christmas spirit flicker from red to green, and Jane smiles to herself. Maura always forgets to turn them off, or maybe she's purposely left them on because the blonde secretly loves Christmas.

In the distance, she hears her wife already in the kitchen.

 _"Do you want sparkles? I love sparkles."_

 _"It's just a Christmas card."_

 _"A Christmas card for anyone special?"_

 _"Yeah. Can you help me write?"_

The conversation between her wife and Jonas slips Jane's mind as she pushes herself from their bed, needing to put on some decent clothes before going downstairs for breakfast. Maura's left her clothes out from the night before, sitting at the chair in the corner of the room. She puts them on and slips down the hall, the smell of coffee tempting enough to make her contemplate if she _really_ needs that shower-

 _"You have to be there, Jane. It's important."_

"Yeah, yeah," Jane mumbles to herself, thinking of the conversation she had with Maura yesterday. The event at Jonas' school has been vastly approaching, as are Jane's nerves.

Maura is better at this. The blonde has been going to conferences and formal events her entire lifetime. She knows how to handle this. They both know that, but only one of them can admit it. And Jane promised him, though, and forced the fully supportive grin to her lips when he came home mentioning it. Maura, of course, was thrilled and promised immediately they'd both be there.

And any other time, Jane would've protested.

But this?

This is important.

" _You have to be there on time, please. He wants you there, Jane. And if you want to say I'm better at this- fine. But you being there is a lot more important to this boy than anything else. So do what you have to, please. I will tell Korsak myself."_

The water runs cold against her skin and soon enough, she finds herself in the kitchen, next to Maura. She presses a kiss to the blonde's head before whispering a _'thank you'_ for letting her sleep in.

She takes in the sight before her, following the mess of tons of glitter and sparkles on the counter-

"Oh god Maura, seriously?" Jane sighs, lifting a plate of pancakes in her hands. "Santa shaped pancakes? You're kidding."

"It was Jonas's idea," Maura defends.

"No," the little boy cuts in. "It wasn't."

Maura tosses her hands in the air as a sign of defeat, huffing dramatically before leaning over the table kissing both Jane and Jonas foreheads. "Eat," she pushed a plate of fruit in Jane's direction. "Please."

The brunette points to her mug before sipping it. "I think I'll stick with coffee, thanks."

"Breakfast is-"

Jane grumbled loud enough to stop Maura before she could even begin, plucking the plate from Maura's hands. "Okay, I'll eat." She huffs. "But for the love of god don't get into one of those health-stricken conversations right now. It's seven forty-five."

Maura's lips curl into a smile immediately. She reaches across the table to hold Jane's hand, which the brunette grudgingly accepts. "Thank you."

Jane takes another sip of her coffee before turning to Jonas. "What's all of this? Is she making you do it?"

"Hey!" Maura immediately protests, slipping off her chair and moving towards Jane.

"No, she's helping me," Jonas replies. "Making a card."

"Oh," Jane cooed. "A Christmas card?"

He nods slow, his eyes moving between Jane and Maura. "You're going to be there today, right?" He suddenly wonders aloud.

It surprises them both, to say the least, how forward and open he is to ask them. There's an eagerness glinting in his eyes, and it made Jane nearly melt right there.

Maura cannot find the words to respond, and Jane senses this because she replies.

"Of course," she says. "Maura and I are going to be on the front row. Right there." She ruffles his hair and pulls Maura close with her free arm for a kind of half-embrace-thing that the blonde absolutely loves.

They finish their breakfast, as Jonas finishes his cards. "Okay well, uh," Jane excuses herself after a moment, collecting the plates and bringing them to the sink as Maura sends Jonas off down the hall.

When Maura gets back, she notices the brunette's still standing at the sink, her hands under a stream of cold water. She gently takes Jane's wrists and pulls them away before shutting the tap off.

"Jay," the blonde says softly, pressing a kiss to her wife's neck. "What's going on?"

"He wants me there," the brunette exhales. "Why- I-,"

"Jane, you mean something to him."

"Doesn't that bother you?"

"Why should it? That he's comfortable here? He's comfortable with you and I. Sometimes with you more than me and that is fine. As long as he's okay."

Jane nods, loving her wife for understanding that.

"I like him being here." She suddenly admits. "I- I like coming home to both of you. It's like, Maura I don't want to get attached but I am."

"I know, darling." Maura agrees. "I am, too."

"I took the day off," Jane says. "But- is there anyway I can drink at least one beer before all of this?"

Maura huffs, reaching past Jane to grab a towel to dry her hands with.

"No, later. But not now."

"You used to be so fun." Jane teases, quickly drying her hands before throwing the towel back on the counter.

"Oh shut it, you."

..

..

When the lights dim, Jane leans into Maura's body as they sit on the front row. Her hand reaches out for Maura's and she holds her breath when Jonas steps to the front of the stage and starts to speak. There have been some stares already, a few Maura noted, but let go of seeming as Jane hasn't been focused on any of that. The brunette's focus is settled in on the boy, as a feeling of awe sweeps through Jane's veins - she turns to her wife as the crowd erupts in cheers when Jonas finishes, and kisses her head - catching the attention of more than just the other parents but Jonas' teacher too.

After the play has finished, Jonas leads both women into the hallway with a proud smile, showing off his school. Jane admires them from a distance when Maura helps him button his coat, to prepare him for the chilly winds outside. She motions to Maura that she's going to wait by the door and the blonde does a thumbs up, showing that she's seen it.

Jane shuffles through the crowd, smiling at a few parents that have somewhat familiar faces. She receives polite grins back, and thinks to herself that half of these people might not be as bad as they seem. It isn't until she feels a presence on her left side, a sudden wave of stiffness filling the air, that she starts to think otherwise.

The brunette turns to see one of Jonas' teachers, a woman, with the same brown hair as she has, glancing at her.

"When doctor Isles mentioned her partner was a detective," the woman starts.

Jane's heart suddenly feels like it's beat its way to her throat.

"I didn't expect this."

They've heard comments before, all over, not so often anymore however - this makes her blood run hot but she can't find the words to react the way she would've preferred.

"Is that supposed to mean something?" Jane wonders, her body half blocking the exit now.

His teacher is small, dainty to Jane, no goddamn comparison.

She knows she could easily overpower this woman, if she could just find her fucking confidence somewhere.

"I don't mean to intrude-"

"Oh, but you're going to."

"Detective Rizzoli-"

"Jane," she corrects. Oh, how good does it feel to use that voice on someone.

"Jonas is a wonderful student and he's improved well- however, is this really what he needs?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You're a detective," his teaches waves. "And your line of work is very dangerous."

By now, Maura's sifted through the crowd that's grown around her wife and Jonas teacher. She's only heard the last sentence, but there's no need to have heard anything else. The tone of Jonas' teacher says enough. She reaches for Jonas' hand and pulls, knowing that she shouldn't be doing that, but she wants to keep him close and get to her wife as quickly as possible.

"So?" Jane has raised her voice. "What does my work have to do with me being a parent?"

"It's not just your work," the teacher counters. "You're both ...," she swallows the word, but there's no need. Jane hears it anyway. "I just, I don't believe Jonas should be with you and your wife."

Maura finally gets close enough to pull Jane back.

..

..

The car ride couldn't remain quiet. If it did, Jonas might think he'd done something or he didn't do well - and he did. He did so well that despite the confrontation, despite half of his class' parents now knowing Jonas's foster parents were _lesbians_ , they couldn't have this night let them fall out of touch. And as Jane heads off the main road, taking a shorter cut home, she feels her wife's hand find her own neatly placed on the console.

"My favorite part was when," Jane trails off into a story, looking into the rear view mirror to catch his gaze. "Ohh," she nudges Maura's arm. "He's asleep."

"That's good," the blonde murmurs. "I don't think I would've been able to stay in there one more second."

"We probably shouldn't do this now," Jane whispers. "Okay? Can we just wait, do it tonight? Over alcohol, like we promised earlier." She looks over, running an arm over Maura's. She kisses her wife's knuckles, trying to reassure her with a gentle grin.

"Wine?" Maura smiles. "A lot of it."

"Anything you'd like, of course."

They turn into the driveway and Jane puts the car in park, while Maura opens the door behind the driver's seat. She waits, because she knows Jane has promised to carry him inside.

The brunette easily lifts him, leaving his shoes behind with his coat handed off to Maura, his head positioned between her shoulder. She motions at Maura to go to the living room - she'll be right back. And when she does get back, the blonde is already settled on the couch, reaching for the wine she set on the coffee table. "Finally." She thought she'd heard Maura say.

"You hungry?" Jane wonders, pulling out the glasses.

"No," Maura shakes her head. "I don't think I could eat."

 _"The only reason I'm letting my son stay at this school is because he has friends here."_

 _"I don't understand-"_

 _"If this situation had been any different, we would have gladly transferred him to another school where the teachers **don't** care about the sexual orientation of the parents. Foster parents, mind you! I cannot believe_ _you're doing this on a night like this. In front of these **children.** "_

 _"_ _Doctor-"_

 _"No. I won't have it. I don't want someone talking to my wife like that. My wife is amazing, and her competences easily outweigh yours."_

 _Jane feels herself blush, and squeezes Jonas' hand to let him know everything is alright._

 _"I- I'm sorry, I-"_

 _"Yes. You better be."_

Jane lowers herself down on the couch as well, their knees brushing while she shifts until she's comfortable.

Finally. The safety of her own home makes that she nearly falls into a slumber immediately. But a sigh from Maura reminds her that she's not allowed to fall asleep. Not now.

"Maura-"

"I know." The blonde says before Jane can even begin. "We can't let what someone said get to us, Jane - but his teacher? Of all people. Embarrassing us like that, degrading us, like we weren't humans."

Jane traces her fingers over Maura's shoulder, something the brunette has learned that when her wife doesn't want full touch contact - this is something Maura likes. The simple touches, nothing too hard or disturbing or uncomfortable. Not that Maura could ever be uncomfortable around Jane.

They're both silent, not really knowing what to say.

Then, finally. "Thank you, Maura."

"For what?"

"For just now. For choosing me."

The blonde shifts until she's facing her wife. Deep brown eyes are staring at her, always open and trusting. She reaches up to cup Jane's cheek.

"I will always choose you. Over every school, or job, or _teacher_ who doesn't think you're as smart and caring and brave as you are. I choose you, Jay. Over everybody else in this world."

Jane sighs, leaning into her wife before Maura can even see her tearing up. But the blonde doesn't need to.

"Maura."

Nothing else she can say.

"Just say thank you and finish your beer."

That makes Jane laugh out loud.

"I love you."

..

..

They both fell asleep on the couch around eleven, that bottle of wine and the several beers already hidden in the recyclables.

Still half in her slumber, Jane feels soft taps on her knees. She tries to ignore them, until his voice fills the room. Her eyes immediately fly open, and despite the spots at first, his small silhouette was easy to spot.

"Hey," Jane leans forward, careful of Maura's legs draped over her lap. "Is everything okay? Did you have a nightmare again?"

The hostage situation is still fresh in Jane's mind, and although they have both been going to therapy, it worries her. His nightmares has been getting better, the nights where he wakes up calling for Jane are getting less and less frequent.

"No." He shakes his head, and relief immediately flows through Jane. "I gave Maura one this morning when you were upstairs."

He still pronounces the blonde's name like _Mo-ah,_ and Jane thinks it's the cutest thing ever. It is only then the brunette realizes he is holding a white envelope, and she eyes it curiously.

"That's so sweet," Jane replies. "You're the bestest."

"That's not a word," Jonas giggles.

"Totally is," the brunette counters, eyeing her wife. Maura still seems to be sleeping, but Jane isn't completely sure.

Then, finally. "I made one for you too." Jonas hands it to her, looking a little shy.

Jane carefully pulls the colored Christmas card from the envelope and opens it. The handwriting is definitely Maura's, but the words are from Jonas. Without a doubt.

 _Hi Jane,  
_ _At school we learned Christmas is for family. I didn't have one anymore when dad died.  
_ _I have one now. Thank you for helping me always. I wanna be a detective just like you.  
_ _I love you, mom._  


 _\- Jonas_

If the words weren't already enough to make her tear up, the 'mom' at the end certainly is. She looks up at Jonas, her _son_ , and motions for him to sit down next to her. He does, sitting on her other side and immediately leaning into her.

"I love you," Jane manages, struggling through her tears.

"I love you too ... mom."

The last part is muffled by Jane's sweater, but she doesn't miss it. Of course she doesn't.

And then, a soft hand on her back makes her realize Maura hasn't been sleeping through all of this. She gently untangles herself from Jonas and faces her wife, tears now streaming steadily down her cheeks. Maura is already leaning in, pressing a kiss to her wife's lips before pulling back and reaching for Jonas' hand over Jane's lap.

"I love you," Jane laughs through her tears. "Both of you."

"I do too," Maura says. "It feels like Christmas already."

Jonas laughs.

..

..

* * *

 **Hi guys! Thanks once again for your patience and your awesome words.**

 **I cannot believe you're all still showing up to read this. WOW.** **I try to squeeze in as much writing as possible between my 12-hour days, but sometimes it's taking longer than anticipated.**

 **This chapter was a Maura-Jane-Jonas centered one. I hope you liked it anyway.**

 **Riviera: I'm happy you're loving it! Great to see a new name in the reviews :)  
Tingtorn78: I agree with you on that one! Jane or Maura will definitely have a talk with her later.  
** **Vbbneighbor: Even though you said 'of course', thanks for the comments anyway!  
Sally rally: Your words are gonna make my cry one day. I swear.**

 **Soccer lady, Rain, janeandmaura05, UnitLycan (hey!), sweetkid45 (thank you for always reviewing!), akalittlered2, thank you so much for leaving your thoughts on here. Thank you thank you thank you. These words are getting old so I'll stop now.**

 **See you all soon!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry for not updating. I'm not in a good head space, but I'm trying to get better and write for you guys. Your reviews mean the world to me and keep me going when I haven't updated. Thank you!**

* * *

"Tommy wants to see you."

That's not something Jane wants to hear. Definitely not at nine in the morning.

"Well I don't want to see him, Frankie," she replies, handing her brother a mug of coffee. When Frankie showed up at the door, Maura immediately offered to take Jonas with her on her run to the store so Jane and Frankie could talk.

"What are you going to do, Jane? Not see him for five years?"

"I might." The brunette replies, although she knows that's not true. She takes a sip of her coffee and wrinkles her nose, the substance still way too hot to drink.

"You can't."

Frankie puts his hand on her shoulder, but she shrugs it away.

"I sure as hell can. What was he thinking?" She doesn't want to get mad. Not when the day has barely started. "I can't believe he'd do this to us."

Frankie sighs. He hates seeing his sister so worried, because that's what she really is feeling. Even when she doesn't want to admit it.

"He wants to explain," Frankie tries again. He's the only one who can convince her to do this, cause he already knows Maura doesn't want anything to do with it. The blonde doesn't even want to _think_ about Tommy, the person who keeps hurting Jane and her family.

"Jane. Please."

The brunette sighs. "Frankie … I-" she stammers, unable to form a sentence. "Fuck." She lowers her head and gravity pulls a tear loose immediately. Jane doesn't move to wipe it away, because she knows that Frankie has seen it already. He steps closer and doesn't say a thing - he knows better than that - and pulls his sister into an embrace.

"I know. I know, Janie."

Jane lets herself get swallowed in her younger brother's embrace. She doesn't feel like doing anything at all today, but she knows it's nearly Christmas and she hasn't done any shopping yet. Besides, it's laundry day _and_ Maura asked her to clean the kitchen. So there's actually no time for her to feel sad or angry about Tommy, because there's nothing she can do about it. Although her mother still believes otherwise.

Right here, in Frankie's arms, she lets herself fall apart. Just for a couple of minutes.

Frankie doesn't do anything but stand there and rub his sister's back. There's nothing else Jane needs.

"Thank you," Jane sniffles, pulling back from their embrace. She reaches for a pack of tissues on the counter and wipes her eyes. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Frankie cuts in. "I know how you feel. He's tearing this family apart, and I won't have it anymore."

"He was dealing with Ramirez," Jane says. It's almost as if she hasn't heard Frankie speak. "Remember when he got that call during dinner? He made this happen. There's no one to blame but him."

"I know, Jane," Frankie replies. "You don't have to defend yourself. I'm not Ma."

The brunette shrugs and pulls back entirely now, back into her comfort zone.

"So," she starts, her voice finally calm again. "Tommy wants to see me."

..

..

Of course they end up fighting about it.

"I just don't want to see you hurt like that, Jane."

Maura stands with her back towards her wife, absentmindedly scrubbing a plate with a sponge.

"He is my brother," Jane puts the remaining cutlery into the sink, careful not to splash. "Frankie was right. I can't not see him for five years."

The blonde sighs. The water has turned cold already, that's how long she's been trying to finish this task. It's two days before Christmas and she keeps remembering things she still needs to do, prepare or buy, so she needs to dry her hands and write it down before she forgets it.

"Not now, Jane. It's nearly Christmas, for heaven's sake. Don't do this to yourself."

Jane glances at her wife, already exhausted beyond belief. She hasn't gotten much sleep, especially because Angela still hasn't contacted either one of them. But Jane knows bringing _that_ up right now won't do any good either - Maura is already annoyed - and she's not sure she wants to, either.

"You're not gonna support my decision?" Jane asks, knowing she's on dangerous ground. The tone of her voice doesn't make it any better.

The blonde nearly drops the plate she's holding at the anger in her wife's voice. "Excuse me?" She raises her eyes to meet Jane's and they're blazing with fire.

"I want to go see my brother, Maura. Whether it's Christmas or not. Besides, aren't you always the one to say Christmas is for family? Tommy is family too, whether you like it or not."

Jane throws the towel onto the counter and spins around, but Maura isn't about to let her walk away. She puts the plate in the drying rack and wraps her (still wet) hand around Jane's bicep.

"Hey! You are not to walk away now."

The brunette holds her gaze for a couple of seconds, daring Maura to look away. But the blonde has been with Jane for too long, and the brunette's stubbornness has rubbed off on her.

She wins.

Jane isn't happy.

"What is going on with you?" Maura tries, a little gentler this time. "Can we talk about this as adults?"

"Drop it. Please."

Jane's voice, suddenly laced with pain, makes that Maura lets go of her wife immediately. She stands still long enough for Jane to turn around and walk away.

"Is mom mad at me?" Jonas' voice pulls Maura from her thoughts. She didn't realize she's been standing here, not moving, and Jonas has come up to her to ask what's going on. She looks into his blue eyes, ever so clear.

"No, honey. Why would you think that?"

"Cause she didn't come to the store today," Jonas replies, tugging on her hand to pull her towards the couch. Maura follows suit and lets herself be used as a pillow the second they sit down. Jonas snuggles into Maura's side, a show of affection that makes her heart skip a beat. "And she's ... uh. What's the word? Like, not happy?"

Maura smiles. "Moody. That's the word you're looking for, I think."

Jonas nods into her shoulder, while he continues to watch a television show with half an eye.

"What's wrong then? Is she leaving us?"

The blonde shifts a little so she can look into his eyes. "Jonas! Why would you think that?"

He shrugs, but doesn't answer. Maura recognizes he's been copying Jane's behavior more and more, this is another perfect example. She's not sure how to handle it.

"She's a little sad, yes," the blonde tries. "But she's not leaving us, honey."

Jonas smiles against her sweater. "Good. I wanna celebrate Christmas together."

Neither one of them knows Jane is standing in the hallway, out of their sight, listening to the conversation with tears in her eyes.

..

..

"Jane! Wake up!"

The brunette's eyes fly open and she goes to push back the covers, only to realize that she can't. A little body is on top of her, big wide eyes and nearly trembling with excitement.

"Jonas? What? What is it?"

"Christmas!"

 _Oh- Jesus._ The brunette takes a deep breath to calm her racing heart. She glances at her wife's side of the bed, but it's empty.

"Where's Maura?"

Jonas scrambles off the bed, tugging on the sheets. "With the presents already. Come!"

The brunette can't help but smile at his excitement, and she manages to get herself out of bed. Jonas has already run off, and she hears her wife yell " _Railing_!" from downstairs. The slight tremble in Maura's voice doesn't go unnoticed by Jane, even when she's a floor above her. Maura's nervous.

She appears in the living room wearing a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, her hair still bed-crazy. She knows Maura likes it like that, even when she complains about it.

" ... get to open two of your gifts. The rest is for later when everyone else is here," Maura finishes, glancing up at Jane before she looks back at Jonas.

"But _why_ ," he replies, not too happy about having to wait. "I want to open them now."

"Listen to mommy, bud," Jane jumps in, unable to keep from smiling when she sees Maura's face.

She looks at the Christmas tree. It's definitely not the biggest one, but it has a thousand lights and all kinds of colors in it. Jonas wanted it that way, so that's what they did. It's his first Christmas here, after all, and Jane had been nervous about that. She doesn't know what he's used to.

"Morning, Maur," Jane says, placing a quick peck on her wife's cheek before she heads for the kitchen, where a cup of coffee is already waiting for her.

Jonas chooses the two biggest presents, of course, and his face when he opens them is priceless. One of them is a toy car that can be controlled with a remote, and the other one is a soccer ball. He jumps up and down, excited, and immediately starts asking when they're going to play soccer.

"I'm not playing," Maura replies with a smile. "Jane is."

"Come on." Jane pretends to huff. "You're gonna make me play again? My stamina is somewhere on the floor, over there." She points at a random spot. "There's no way."

Maura leans into her wife, tucking her head in the crook of Jane's neck.

"Your stamina is just fine, detective."

The brunette feels her face flush and she looks away from Maura, trying to get her breathing under control. She wonders how it's possible Maura still has this effect on her.

"Pleeaaaaseee," Jonas begs. "Today?"

"Okay," Jane smiles. "But later, when Frost and Frankie are here and I'm a little more awake."

Jonas agrees and turns around to put the soccer ball back underneath the tree, and takes the toy car with him to the kitchen to open the package.

Maura tugs on her wife's hand, leading her towards the tree.

"You want a present now?"

The brunette grins. "I already got you." She kisses her shortly, but deeply, and Maura holds her eyes closed for a little longer when they part.

"I'm serious, Jane," she manages, eventually.

Jane and Maura both open a small gift they got for each other, a book and a magazine. There will be time for the real thing tonight, when it's just the two of them. It's almost a tradition, where Jane and Maura get each other smaller gifts for when they're with family and another (usually more expensive) gift for when they're together. Later.

It doesn't take long for Frankie and Frost to arrive, and even Constance shows up around lunch time.

Angela doesn't call or text, and Jane finds herself becoming more and more agitated. Maura notices, and just when she's about to take Jane somewhere private for a short talk, the doorbell rings.

Jane's eyes meet her wife's, a little clouded and a lot confused - could this be her? - and gestures that she'll go get the door.

..

The woman that greets her when she opens their front door is not the mother Jane knows.

Angela has, if you look through the makeup, dark circles under her eyes and she looks like she could burst out in tears any second. Jane frowns, locking eyes with her mother, unsure what to say.

"Jane, I-"

The brunette holds up her hand, effectively silencing the older woman.

"Ma, it's Christmas. I'm going to be really mad at you, later. For now, come in and open your presents."

Angela stares at her daughter like it isn't her. Jane watches her work through several emotions that she can't quite make out.

"I mean it, Ma. Jonas would love to see you."

..

..

* * *

 **Again, a THOUSAND apologies for the huge delay. Thank you for still supporting me and letting me know you're waiting! It reminds me that this story exists ;)**

 **This chapter is a little shorter than usual BUT I'm going to upload part two tomorrow. Yes, you read that right: tomorrow (you're welcome, Jamaican, Mr Winter and Guest). Stay tuned!**

 **burglover421: nice to meet you! great to see that you're loving it :)  
teacherspice1: I don't think I've seen your name either! Welcome and great to see you in the reviews!  
Soccer lady: wow, such nice words. I love writing for you all and coming back to see that it means so much to you. Thanks for letting me know!  
linda. s. allen , sweetkid45, akalittlered2, janeandmaura05, sally rally, Rain, vbbneighbor, katie1370, Barbie7088, Tingtorn78, kik and all the Guests: thanks SO much. Holy crap. I want to thank each and every one of you personally but that would make this chapter way too long. So THANKS. Massive thanks.**

 **See you tomorrow!**


	21. Chapter 21

Christmas has almost ended - good days like this always go too fast - and Jane is dreading the moment where Maura and her are going to exchange presents. It's not the part where she gives Maura her present, but the part where Maura gives Jane her present. Jane has never really liked surprises. She likes to be in control, knowing what's happening, knowing how to react.

Angela and Constance both brought a few presents of their own. Of course Jane and Maura bought presents, and even Frost and Frankie had a couple of their own.

Frost ended up getting a new sports magazine, because he has been reading the same issue for weeks. Frankie got a new sweater from Angela, as did Jane. Other presents were just convenient things, like new towels, cutlery and sheets for the bed. Jane bought the Playboy magazine for Frankie as a joke, just to see his face flush with embarrassment. He managed to keep it shielded from Jonas, which could've caused a problem, but Jane helped him 'cause she felt a little bad.

Maura got both Frost and Frankie tickets for the Red Sox - upcoming weekend, they're playing a game upstate - and Constance and Angela tickets for a musical in Boston. Jane immediately started complaining about how she wanted to go to the game as well, but Maura effectively silenced her with a kiss.

"I thought I was your present," she mocks, winking at her wife. "No, I got you. Tonight."

Constance bought Jonas another soccer ball, and he got just as excited as this morning. It ended in them playing outside on the field, where there was barely any grass left, but no one really cared. It was Jane and Jonas versus Frost and Frankie, who pretended to be a lot worse than they really were. Maura, Constance and Angela watched on the sideline, hands wrapped around a steamy cup of hot chocolate they brought from inside.

 _"Here, Jane!"_

 _The brunette passes the ball to Jonas right before she bumps into Frankie, which sends her to the floor immediately. She's not as strong as she used to be, or he has gotten stronger - or both - and she yells out._

 _"Foul! Free kick!"_

 _She hears Maura laugh and looks over at her wife._ _The blonde's hair is up in a loose ponytail and she's wearing the Christmas sweater Angela got for her, too. Jane kisses two of her fingertips and lifts them, smiling. She sees Constance look at her for a second before laying eyes on Maura, seeing the blonde smile and mimicking the movement. Both mothers smile and Jane is about to say something, when Frankie pulls her back up._

 _"Nah man, you just gotta get tougher skin. Are you going to make Jonas play by himself or what?"_

 _It's her turn now, and she kicks the back of his knees softly, but hard enough to send him down to the floor._

 _"Fuc- Damn you. Jonas, here!"_

..

..

After dinner, everyone helps to clean up before they leave. Jane finally finds a free moment without anyone interrupting to talk to her wife.

"Did you see my mother?"

Maura nods. "What has she been up to?"

"I don't know," Jane rubs her hands together before shoving them in her pockets. "It looked like she's been living in a dump for days."

The blonde debates on her next words for a couple of seconds. "I know you don't want to hear it, but he's her son. It's hurting her too, and maybe she has finally realized that he's not getting out of this."

The brunette pulls her hands out of her pockets again and starts playing with the hem of her shirt.

"I told her I'd get angry at a later point, not today. Because of Christmas. But I'm not really sure what to say," Jane confesses. She doesn't meet Maura's eyes.

Maura reads her wife effortlessly. "You don't have to talk about it right now because you think it's something I want. We could just watch a movie and pretend it's a regular Christmas."

Jane smiles softly. She loves her woman.

"Sure. But I gotta get Frankie out and Jonas to bed first, if you don't mind."

Maura agrees and cleans up the remainders of the day, including heaps of wrapping paper, while Jane escorts Frankie to the door and Jonas to his bed within fifteen minutes. Eventually, they find themselves on the couch, finally. They settle on some kind of romantic comedy, because they've watched all the Christmas movies at least two times now there's a child in the house.

"Remember when I showed up at your door? After ten months of not seeing you?"

It's completely out of the blue and only halfway through the movie when Jane starts to talk. Maura turns the volume down and faces her wife, unsure where the brunette is going with this.

"You opened the door, and when you'd overcome your shock ..," Jane smiles. "Your eyes. Your eyes told me everything I needed to know."

"I was so in love with you," the blonde interrupts without intending to. "Still."

"I know," Jane says, leaning in to cup her wife's cheek. "That was when I knew we were forever. When you still loved me then. When I came back and you loved me."

Maura holds the brunette's gaze, unable to look away even if she wanted to. Those brown eyes - although they're quickly turning black now - have held her captive since the first day. That first day at Fenway High School, in a city where she didn't know anyone, Jane stepped up to take care of her. It was Jane who invited her to join her group of friends and sit with them at lunch. It still feels like everything was meant to be.

"It's not really a surprise anymore, but I got you something," the brunette says nervously, reaching into her pocket.

Maura takes the small black box with trembling hands. She's nervous, but not quite sure why.

She carefully unfolds the paper around it and uncovers a round, flat necklace - not in the form of a heart, that would be too cliche - with an infinity sign engraved in it.

"Turn it over," Jane says softly.

Maura does.

Engraved on the back in a neat, typewriter-like font, are their names.

 _Jane & Maura  
Jonas _

The blonde looks up at her wife with tears in her eyes.

"You didn't."

The brunette smiles. "I did. Do you like it?"

"Jane," Maura mumbles, unable to say anything else. She leans in and presses her lips to Jane's, feeling her wife's lips twitch into a grin. Her hands came up to rest on the back on the brunette's neck and Jane cups her jaw, stroking her cheek with her thumb. "I love you," Maura whispers.

"I love you too," Jane replies immediately. Their breathing has slowed again, but the brunette's fingers have moved lower and are running circles on Maura's hips. "You're my everything, Maura. I hope you'll wear this forever, even on days where we're fighting. It should remind you that we're always together."

Maura kisses her again halfway through the last sentence to shut her up.

Jane is smiling when she pulls back.

"I got you something too, of course," Maura says, pushing herself up from the couch. She heads for the kitchen and opens a drawer Jane never thinks to look in.

The wrapping paper is bright red and Christmassy. Jane smiles at the little heart Maura has drawn on it with a black marker.

She carefully tears the paper, and-

"What's this?"

Jane holds up the little book, small and thin enough that it would fit under her pillow.

"It's a notebook," Maura says nervously, sitting back down. "A while ago - before everything with Tommy happened - I talked to your mother, and she told me a thing about you that you've never told me."

The brunette looks up, curious. "What?" She can't remember not telling Maura anything.

"Your mother told me you used to write poems," the blonde smiles at the thought of a young Jane, sitting on her bed, writing poetry in the middle of the night. "And I know you have a lot of unvoiced thoughts about what has happened these past couple of months. I know you don't like talking about your feelings, so I want you to have this."

Jane tilts her head, still a little confused. Maura reads the look on her wife's face and knows she needs to explain a bit further.

"I'm not going to read this unless you want me to," she adds. "Write in it whatever you want."

Jane runs a hand through her head, not wanting to admit that she just teared up a little.

"How do you know me so well?"

Maura laughs, a bright, full laugh that makes the brunette's heart skip a beat.

"Believe it or not, Jane Rizzoli, but you're quite easy to figure out."

Jane growls, pulling her wife closer, the notebook long forgotten.

..

..

Maura wakes up to an empty bed. When she rolls over, she notices the folded piece of paper on her nightstand that definitely wasn't there last night.

She sees the scribbly handwriting and immediately knows it's from Jane - who else could have put a note there anyway?

 _Wednesday, December 26th  
If you ever choose to love me, know that my love is messy. It's hugs that will literally knock you off your feet, or a quick 'i love you' written on the back of the morning newspaper because I was too late for work and couldn't find a post-it like a normal person. It's baking cooking with flour all in my hair and over your dress and laughing as if we're twelve. Maybe we are. When I'm with you, everything feels lighter._

 _There's not really a word to describe how I feel about you. It's love, but in capitals and bold and italic because it's somehow so much more than that. It's not so much love as it is safety, though. I think those words have blended together over the course of the years. You make me feel safe and on edge at the same time, and I think that's something I've always wanted but never knew how to ask for it. I don't have to ask for anything, cause you know me better than I know myself sometimes. Most of the time._

 _I love you, Maura. I always have and I always will._

The blonde doesn't even realize Jane has been watching her from the hallway until she looks up and immediately meets the dark brown eyes of her wife.

Maura remains speechless. The confidence and love that radiates from the paper has thrown her off guard completely.

Jane smiles. She knows.

..

* * *

 **Two updates in two days! Count yourself lucky. I've got a couple exams coming up, but I'll write whenever I can.**

 **See you soon!**


	22. Chapter 22

Their mornings have been spent apart lately. One of them would wake up to find that the other had already gone, but the day before New Year's Eve turns out to be different. Jane and Maura lay awake side by side, shoulders touching, not saying anything.

They've become different after Tommy's trial - not a good kind of different - and Maura doesn't know what she can do to make it better. But this silence, this laying next to each other without conversation, was getting uncomfortable.

"Jane."

"I don't want to talk if it'll end with us yelling and waking Jonas." Jane's words cut deep, and for a moment Maura doesn't respond. Needing to take into consideration all the things Jane's been dealing with. Angela. Frankie. Their case with Jonas and getting everything settled -

Tommy.

Jane's youngest brother is always the subject of conversation, even when he's not. He's constantly present in each and every thought the brunette has. Her conversation with Frankie keeps replaying in her head.

She cannot handle the thought of five years going by without seeing him, his face, whether it be behind glass or bars - it leaves her pillow soaked and her heart broken, it leaves her feeling vulnerable. It'd be a long time, until it will feel right to admit she misses him, he's done so much, he's hurt many, but he's still her brother. Her blood, and flesh, and far beyond that, deep down to where Maura couldn't even reach - Jane felt a little _guilt_.

"He was right," she whispers, catching Maura by surprise. The blonde, who's already nearly gotten out of bed, stops midway, and sits instead. "He had nothing going for him and no one saw that. No one helped, not even me."

"Jane,"

"I know you don't want me to see him," Jane says. "But he's my brother."

"I just don't want you to get hurt," Maura murmurs, reaching for Jane. She places one hand above her chest, just to feel the steady beating of her heart. Only then it occurs to her how long it's been since this, the simpler things they've missed. The blonde leaves her hand right there, as long as Jane will let her, she will stay this way. "I don't want you to lose yourself in this."

"I've already been so lost, Maura!" Jane raises her voice slightly, throwing the blankets from her body and onto the rug. Maura watches Jane with heavy eyes, as the brunette makes her way to the dresser to look for decent clothes to change into. "It's really nothing I can't deal with."

"So that's it then?" Maura wonders. "Are you consulting me first?"

Jane scoffs to herself as she buttons the white blouse she's chosen to wear. "This _was_ me consulting you."

"I'm not ending the discussion here." Maura tells her. "I'm not ending it with you angry and me frustrated. That isn't us Jane, and it's been going on like this for too long. We're dealing with this now."

She would gladly endure this pain, she wants to tell her, she will welcome it if it means getting Jane back.

"I don't want to argue with you." Jane says. "Not anymore."

"Look at me then," Maura replies. "Jane, do you want to talk about your brother?"

She can't stomach speaking his name, because the thought of him makes her angry, and a part of her knows if his name would leave her lips, it wouldn't sound right.

Jane pretends to consider, but she already knows the answer.

"No."

They soon find themselves in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. Parenting Jonas together as the team they are, yet never feeling so isolated and distant from the other.

"Maur?"

That nickname.

The use of her nickname makes that Maura rushes over to her wife, who's standing at the counter, holding her second cup of coffee.

"Yes, what is it?"

"I'm going to go shopping," the brunette declares. "Would that be okay with you?"

"Jane-"

"I just wanted to consult with you first."

..

..

She forgets everything the moment she's standing in front of Tommy - who first refused to take the visit when a guard approached him, but Jane wouldn't leave. Not after coming here, not after lying to her wife despite them both knowing it then in that moment. She could've lost most of the respect Maura had for her. She's forgotten the pleads, the constant nagging of what to do, what not to do, how to react. Jane knows she meant well, but she also knows Maura doesn't fully understand this.

It goes further than just a case.

He's her brother.

"Tell me first," Jane says, clearing her throat. Her breakdown in the car certainly won't be listed as one of her proud moments, it'd be listed far from that. It's never happened if no one is around to see it - and like she planned, Jane was alone when it happened. Shaky fists against the steering week, muffled cries, minutes prior to walking in where people knew her, people knew of her.

Where she has to be Detective Rizzoli.

"What happened to your face?"

Tommy's skin is discolored, under his left eye is a wound. In the fluorescent light, her own eyes examine him.

She wants to reach beyond this glass to hold him.

"Detective Rizzoli," Tommy sneers. "We meet again."

"Tommy, what happened to your face? You're not even in here for two weeks and you were already in a fight? A fight! Really?" She feels her voice rising, gaining a few stares from people around her, nonetheless she pushed through it. Ignoring their glances and judgement reflecting.

"Jane," Tommy hisses. "Shut up, it's not what you think."

"That's your go to line, isn't it?" She spits.

"Jane," saying his sister's name feels heavy for him, especially when he sees Jane's eyes glaze over with hurt. The hurt he has caused her - his sister. He shakes his a head a little, scratching the back of his neck as Jane told him to continue. "I got into a fight with someone, yes," he nods. "But for good reasons."

"That's your argument? You were raised with a cop as a brother and a detective as a sister, I would've at least expected you to think of something better than you had good reasons."

"He raped his child, Jane. That was my reason."

Her words don't make it past her lips. If they were even there to begin with.

"I was angry. No one was speaking to me, except for Frankie. I asked around about him and- well, my face goes to show."

Jane breathes slowly, the weight in her stomach shifting. She apologizes to him, for assuming wrongly, and something else shifts when Tommy nods along with her, as if he agrees. He wants to let it go.

"Aside from the fight, which I'll let go, are you alright?"

"I could ask you the same." His eyes take in her frame, her state. Her curls are out of place.

"Tommy,"

"Jane, let me just start off-"

"No,"

"But Jane-"

She shakes her head, fighting against the emotions stuck in her throat. Jane can feel his eyes on her, and when she looks up, she sees that even his are teary. Is this an act? Is he lying to make himself feel better? She turns away, actually wanting to put her hand on the glass - but what good would that do?

"Please," she holds a shaky finger in the air, giving away that she can't control herself. "I didn't come here to listen your apologies."

"Okay,"

"I came here to say what needs to be said."

"Okay."

"And I want you to listen to everything."

"Okay-"

"-If you say that one more time," her voice falters about an octave, and for Jane, that's a new peak. "I will shove my fist through this glass and fix that crooked nose of yours."

Tommy grins. " _Okay_."

"Stop it," she spits again. "Stop making it so hard for me to be angry with you. Fucking hell, Tommy. You could've costed us, Jonas. Do you understand that? Did you even _think_?"

Tommy remains quiet, letting his sister get everything off her chest.

"You need to stop calling my home every night. Maura doesn't like it. Another thing, I don't know how often this," she motions between the two. "Will happen. I won't lie to my wife."

"I understand."

"I also can't stand the thought of holding anger towards you for the next five years."

"Okay."

She blinks at him, her eyebrows slowly turning into a scowl.

"Second thing," Jane sighs. "We weren't there for you enough, and I'm sorry."

That confession, so unexpected, goes way beyond this case. It goes beyond Jane's life and career, beyond Frankie's even. Tommy finds himself thinking back of when they were children, laughing hysterically over some old story Jane told her brothers.

"I should be the one apologizing to you." Tommy says after a moment. Jane, ready to cut him off, holds for a split second. "And I don't think I have much more time to spend with you. That guard over there," Tommy sits closer to the glass, as Jane does the same. She follows his finger, pointing over his shoulder at the guard - watching intently. "Has been watching us for the past five minutes, hasn't he?"

"He has," Jane confirms. "I should probably get going soon."

She sighs, not wanting to admit to herself that she's dreading the moment of leaving. She can only imagine what it'll be like, walking into her house, with her family, while needing to keep her emotions controlled.

"Thank you for coming." Tommy says. "It-It was good to see you."

"Can I ask you something?"

"I don't know why I did it." Tommy fills in. "But the reason I asked you to come Jane, it was for another reason aside from apologizing."

"Go ahead." Jane tells.

"Don't blame yourself. Don't let anyone make you feel like this was your fault, at all, and I mean anyone."

The name isn't said out loud, but for both Tommy and Jane, it's clear about whom they're talking.

"You should probably get going." He motions. "Go, let's not make it more difficult than it has to be."

"Tommy-"

He begins to stand, the guard watching soon fills the space behind him, waiting to yank Tommy away.

"Maybe I'll talk to you, Jane. Thank you for coming."

..

..

The night has already fallen, and yellow of their porch light reflects in Jane's eyes. She stands outside for a few extra moments, taking a deep breath, trying to steady herself before going inside. Exhaustion settles deep into her bones, nearly making it impossible to get the key into the lock.

Stepping into her home, Jane tries to leave her worries behind. She knows she has to.

She leaves them far behind in the car, next to the mental breakdown before pulling off a late night grocery run. A few lights are still on inside, which is definitely a good sign.

As the grocery bags nearly fall to the floor, there's Maura - awaiting to grasp anything dropped.

"Thank you- I," Jane falters, as her eyes wander of her wife. "Thank you."

Maura doesn't say anything at first, as they unpack the groceries together. They hear the sounds of the tv still on in the living room, a documentary of some sorts Maura put on just for noise, to fill the overall buzzing when her wife didn't return within the hours of her disappearance.

"There's pizza in the fridge. Frankie brought it over. Jonas is with him for the night."

"Oh," Jane mumbles. "That's uh... well, I guess that's okay. Did he say anything?"

"Jonas or your brother?" Maura's words clip at the end, her undertone carrying anger cuts Jane deeper than expected.

" _Jonas_."

"No," Maura says. "Okay, that was a lie to make me feel better and it didn't - yes of course, he asked about you." She turns to Jane, suddenly reaching out for her. The anger is still running through her veins, but the gentleness and admiration is slowly overtaking that. "He asked if you'd be here in time for the new year."

"What did you say?"

"What do you think I said to him, Jane? I-..." Maura stops herself, not allowing to let anger get the best of her. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, that's my line," the brunette smiles through her tears. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for the past few weeks. I've been horrible to you, once again. And don't say I haven't been. Don't defend my minds mechanisms, or get scientific on me which I do love - because right now, I just want to feel that. I want to feel the anger and frustration, I want to feel something other than what I've been running from."

Maura reaches out again, wrapping her arms around her wife's waist. "Which is?"

"Guilt."

"Jane-"

"I lied to you and I shouldn't have."

"I wouldn't necessarily classify it as lying when I knew exactly where you were going. And, you did go to the grocery store. Let's leave it there, hmm?"

"Okay." Jane gives in, too exhausted to even argue. "Thank you."

"And we don't have to talk about it right now," Maura says again. "We don't have to talk about anything. Or we could talk about everything. Whatever you feel. But there is one other thing,"

"Yes?"

Maura's fingertips trace Jane's cheek, sending shivers right down her spine. Eventually pressing her full hand against the brunette's cheek, Maura leans in, nuzzling her nose into Jane's skin.

"Did you do what you had to?"

The brunette smiles lightly.

"Yes. I did."

"Good," Maura nods. "You're a _good_ detective, Rizzoli."

And maybe it's hearing those words, maybe it has to do with their emotions running on nothing but adrenaline for countless days.

Or maybe it's just this. Holding Maura in their kitchen.

Jane realizes, once again, this is all she'll ever need.

* * *

 **Wow, I'm updating within a week? What's going on?**

 **Happy Friday, y'all. I hope you enjoyed this. I definitely enjoyed reading your reviews - your words get kinder every time! - and I love writing this for you. Even if it takes (too) long sometimes.**

 **Tingtorn78: This chapter was more Tommy focused, but I'm solving the Angela stuff next chapter. Hopefully that'll clear things up! :)  
teacherspice1: Happy spring break! I hope you have loads of fun stuff planned!  
burglover421: I hope this chapter's satisfactory! Jane and Maura are going to work through it :)  
Janeandmaura05, tropper, katie1370, guests, sally rally, sweetkid45 (thank you so much for reviewing EVERY time wow): I see all your reviews & appreciate them loads. Thank you! **


	23. Chapter 23

There are only a few seconds between Maura's panicked cry and Jane's arms around her. The brunette gently urges her wife to roll over, which Maura eventually does, and Jane pushes a few sweaty strands of hair out of the blonde's face. She presses a kiss to the now exposed skin of Maura's forehead.

"Shh. It's okay. I'm right here."

The blonde pulls away and sits up. Her eyes are still filled with panic, expressing a feeling that Jane knows all too well.

"You're- You're bleeding. I need to help. I can't …"

The brunette quickly pulls her sweater over her head and throws it onto the floor, not caring about anything but getting her wife to calm down.

"Maura, _Maura_. Look. I'm okay."

The blonde's eyes are wide and unfocused, but then she realizes Jane has bared her chest and abdomen. She presses the brunette down on the bed, and traces the soft skin of her wife's stomach, looking for injuries. Trying to tell herself that her wife's isn't bleeding. She's not dying.

Jane lies very still, giving her wife the space she needs to come back from her nightmare. Eventually, Maura sighs and drops herself on top of Jane, tucking her head underneath the brunette's chin.

"I'm sorry."

Maura feels her wife swallow before answering. "Don't be."

"I'm sweaty," the blonde notices and is just about to roll away when Jane's arms tighten around her.

"Stay." Jane's voice is soft. "Please?"

As if Maura could say no to that.

..

...

New Year's Eve is vastly approaching and Jane is dreading it. She hasn't talked to her mother since Christmas and she knows it has to be done, but she just doesn't feel like confronting her fears.

She fishes two black shirts from their hamper and dumps them on the dark-clothes-pile. Fear is a big word, maybe, but the brunette can't quite describe how her mother has made her feel. She remembers the last confrontation, in her hallway downstairs, where Maura stepped in and pulled her away.

"Jane! Can you _please_ help me out? Jonas has lost his matching sock, _again_ , and I need to run to the store really quick because it's about to close."

The brunette sighs, dropping the laundry on the floor near the hamper, and jogs downstairs. Her wife is standing in the kitchen, coat in one hand and her purse in the other, a look of panic on her face.

"Maura. Please," Jane steps in and runs her hands up and down Maura's arm. "Calm down. It's just a sock, and there's three days left until New Year's."

"Have you seen that mountain of laundry upstairs? And we haven't gone grocery shopping in four days, Jane. Face it."

The brunette throws her hands up in surrender. "Alright, woman. I was already working on that mountain before you called me downstairs. And I'll help Jonas find his sock. Settled?"

Maura lets out a puff of air and nothing but drops herself into her wife's arms. "I'm so tired."

"I know," Jane laughs softly. "Sorry for making you run after Jonas the entire morning. That kid has stamina, let me tell you. We probably should get him into soccer."

That comment makes Maura pulls back. "And what about ballet? It's the foundation of-"

Jane presses her lips to Maura's immediately, effectively silencing her. She waits until the blonde relaxes before she pulls back.

"Good?"

"Hmm," Maura mumbles affirmatively. "I really need to go now."

"Yeah," Jane replies, considering. "Uh, I'm going to see Ma tonight. If that's okay with you, I mean. I really want to sort this out."

Maura looks up into Jane's face. She was already pulling away, getting ready to leave, but decides to stay a little longer. Tucking herself against her wife, Maura feels Jane's arms slide around her immediately. Those slender but oh so strong arms that have kept her safe since high school.

"I'm proud of you," she says into the brunette's shirt, squeezing the thin waist with her free hand, purse already on the floor. "I love you."

Jane feels her spine tingle at her wife's words. They never fail to make her fall even more for the woman in her arms. She shifts slightly, tightening her hold.

"I'm gonna need you later tonight."

It's not exactly what she meant to say, but Maura understands her nevertheless. Jane is, and will never be, one to directly ask for help. This is as close as she's gonna get, even with Maura. The blonde nods against Jane's chest, turning her head so she can press a kiss to her wife's sternum.

"Mom?"

Maura wants to pull back from their embrace, but Jane keeps holding onto her, leaving her unable to move.

"Yes, buddy."

"I meant other mom." Maura doesn't need to look up to be able to hear the smile in Jonas' voice. "I found my sock."

Jane laughs, finally letting go of the blonde. "Well, look. I guess we've already solved one problem." She kisses Maura once again, allowing herself to get lost for a few seconds before she pulls back.

"Okay. Move, woman," she says to Maura, turning to face Jonas. "Wanna play soccer?"

His shriek of excitement makes both women smile immediately.

"YES!"

..

..

Jane exhales, stepping outside the safety bubble of her own house. Her breath, visible in the night, creates a cloud in the air. She shivers immediately - the maroon hoodie definitely isn't warm enough for the end of December - and knocks on the door of the guest house.

Angela still lives there, even after all of this, although the older woman hasn't been coming over for coffee lately.

"Who is it?" Angela's voice rings over the sound of the television in the background.

"It's me," Jane replies, rubbing her hands together. "Can I come in?"

There's a bit of rustling before the door opens and Angela stands in front of her daughter, unsure. She doesn't reply, but looks at Jane for a few seconds before she steps back. Jane takes it as an invitation and walks inside, still shivering. Once she's properly settled on the couch, she takes the time to look at her mother. Angela looks worn out and sad, but mostly terrified.

"Come on, Ma," the brunette motions to the couch. "Sit."

"What?" Angela looks at her daughter, incredulous. "You, I- What?"

Jane frowns. "Just sit down. Jesus."

The older woman sits down eventually, for once leaving the right amount of space between her and Jane. She rubs her hands together the way Jane just did when she was waiting outside, and the brunette is once again reminded of their similarities.

"I've always been forgiving. Too forgiving, I now realize," Jane stops for a second, letting her words sink in. "You don't get to blame me for what Tommy did. It was his fault, and his choice. Not mine."

There's no stalling. No turning around or trying to hide what she really wants to say. So there it is. Maybe, just maybe, Jane's trying to convince more people than her mother. It might be herself she's really trying to convince.

"But Janie, I can't help thinking-"

"NO, Ma." The brunette doesn't care about how loud her voice is. She isn't about to let her mother go on another rant about what she should've done better. "Nothing would've been different if I'd talked to him. He willingly fucked up, and there was nothing I could've done. Nothing _we_ could've done."

Angela is silent, but tears are streaming down her cheeks. She's given up even the pretense of feeling alright.

"Why me, Ma? Why me?" Jane wills herself to not break down. This question has been playing in her head for weeks now. "I know he's your son. But I'm your daughter," her voice breaks, unable to keep her emotions under control for much longer. She doesn't like talking about her feelings, and she hates crying in front of her mother. But if that's what it takes to convey her thoughts about this, then that's what she's going to do.

"I ...," Angela tries again. "No," she shakes her head at herself. "No more lies."

Jane looks up at her mother. Does she finally get it?

"You've always been such a good daughter," Angela says. "You were the only one who would listen to me. Tommy was always in trouble, and Frankie ... He could've gone both ways, but he chose _you._ And I thank God for that every single day."

The brunette can't help but tear up again. She remembers how Frankie would always ask her to play soccer after school. How he'd introduce his friends to Jane, as if he was waiting for her approval. How proud he was when she became the soccer champion _and_ player of the year.

"I hoped," Angela continues. "I've always hoped you could turn Tommy around. There was no way he'd listen to me, and your father wasn't a great influence either. You'd be the only one who could make that happen." Angela wipes a tear from her cheek and reaches up to do the same for Jane. "I kept hoping and asking for you to _please_ do something. Because I know that I couldn't."

Jane's eyebrows furrow in a senseless attempt to keep more tears from spilling all over her sweater.

"What do you want me to say, Janie? What can I do?"

Jane doesn't even have to think. "Tell me that it isn't my fault. Tell me that I'm your daughter and you love me and you'll come over for coffee tomorrow morning."

Angela's mouth falls open. If she has to be brutally honest, she thought Jane wouldn't ask her that ever again. The older woman has been laying awake at night, wondering for how much longer Jane will allow her to stay in their guest house. She's been running on emotions the past few weeks, and it hasn't been good for either one of them.

"They still want to see me?" Angela asks, referring to everyone, but mostly to Maura. The blonde hasn't had contact with Angela since she stood up for Jane.

The brunette rubs her hands together again, still a little nervous.

"I wouldn't be having this talk if it wasn't for Maura and Jonas. If they hadn't been here, I would have ignored you until you came to me. Gladly," Jane sighs. "But I want you to be a grandmother to Jonas the way Constance has been up until now. I want you to know him and I want him to know you. He's so much like Maura and I, Ma. He really could be ours."

Angela smiles through her tears.

"Tomorrow morning it is."

..

..

Angela follows up on her promise. She arrives the next morning at nine thirty for coffee, where both Maura and Jonas greet her with a hug.

Jane stands back a little, in the kitchen, watching the three of them. Her expression is more relieved than sad, and despite the dark circles under her eyes, Angela finds solace in the fact that her daughter still wants her here. When the older woman lifts Jonas up and swings him around, Maura turns to Jane and gently rubs her wife's arm in an attempt to reassure her. Trying to convey the thought that she's doing the right thing.

They drink coffee, Jonas lemonade, on the couch with the morning news playing in the background. Jonas is reading his new book - Maura had to get him another one last week, because he's such a fast reader - and he's squeezed in between Jane and Angela, Maura sitting on a chair opposite them.

The brunette interrupts her mother in the middle of a sentence.

"Ma, will you look after Jonas this afternoon?"

Angela turns towards her daughter, shocked. "What?"

Jane smiles and reaches for Jonas, pulling him into her lap.

"You heard me. Hey buddy, do you want to stay with grandma this afternoon?"

His clear blue eyes meet Jane's, a little worried. "Um..." he hesitates, looking over at Maura for advice. The blonde smiles, unable to decide whether she should answer or leave this to Jane. But the brunette doesn't leave her hanging for long. "Bud," she adds. "Remember the lady who was with us at work? Ryleigh?"

Maura is the only one who notices her wife struggle with the name. She's the only one who sees Jane swallow after saying Ryleigh's name.

"Yeah," Jonas answers. "She went away? Like my dad?"

Angela opens her mouth to cut in, clearly not fully understanding what's happening, but Maura shakes her head at Jane's mother.

"Maura is taking me to see her ... her place. Like the place where you go to see your dad?" Jane tries, praying that his dad has a grave and that he's been to visit. She doesn't want to say 'grave' out loud. It makes it all too real, and she doesn't want to cry right now.

"Oh," he realizes. "Why can't I come?"

Angela does cut in now, but she does this in a way no one has expected from her. "Jonas," Jane's mother says. "It was a surprise, but I'm baking cookies and other fun things for New Year's. I don't want Jane to help, she always complains it's taking too long," Angela makes a face, and Jonas laughs. "I wanted your help."

"Oh!" Jonas says. "Can I stay home? Can we watch a movie? Jane?" He fires these questions within a second and spins around on Jane's lap. "Mom?"

If his name for the brunette throws Angela off guard, she doesn't show it, and Jane is incredibly grateful.

"Of course you can stay," she replies, looking at Maura for approval. The blonde nods. Maura doesn't want anything else but to go to Ryleigh's grave and close this chapter together with her wife.

It's time for a new one.

"So when are you two leaving?" Angela says with a smile on her face, her eyes letting Jane know she doesn't mean it in a bad way. "I want to start baking."

Jonas struggles to be let down immediately, and Jane lets him go with a huff.

"Yeah, are you going?" he says excitedly. Maura laughs.

Jane smiles too, although she feels nervous. "You're not gonna miss me too much?" It something she has to ask, more for her own sake than Jonas's. This is the first time she's leaving him behind with her mother.

Jonas tilts his head, before he finally answers with 'no' and runs off towards the hallway, grabbing both Jane and Maura's coats. The blonde takes both of them, having gotten up from her chair, and presses a kiss to the top of his head. "We'll be back in an hour or two," she says, both to Jonas and Angela. Maura steals a glance at her wife, who signals that she wants to talk to her mother for a second.

"Come on," Maura says to Jonas. "Change your shirt. It's gonna get dirty when you're cooking."

The little boy runs off again, this time into the other hallway that leads towards his bedroom.

Jane immediately turns to her mother. "Ma." Her tone is not to be mistaken. "If you say _anything_ about the fact that he's calling me 'mom', or if you mention his past. You won't be coming here again."

"I know," Angela replies immediately. "I won't do anything wrong. I promise."

The brunette keeps her demanding, steady posture for a couple more seconds to see if her mother really means it, before she lets it slide, and takes her coat from Maura.

"Okay. I love you."

After hearing those words from her daughter, Angela doesn't know what to do with herself. She stands frozen, and both Maura and Jane smile at her knowingly.

"We'll be back in a few hours, Angela," the blonde says. "Keep in touch with us."

"I-I, yes, I will. Of course," the older woman shakes her head. "Thank you." Genuine and loving. "Both of you."

Maura smiles, and gives her wife a little nudge towards the door.

"We know."

..

...

* * *

 **Jamaican, R** **ainbow (did you change your name?),** **Vbbneigbor, sweetkid45, tingtorn78, sally rally: I missed you guys! Thanks for sticking with me. I'm sorry I've kept you waiting!  
** **Burglover421: thank you for that sweet comment! Absolutely made my day! :)  
Vanilla, mumpy, mr writer and all the guests: thank you so much for taking time out of your day to leave a message behind. Means the world to me!**

 **So, uh, guys ... I've been thinking (took some weeks, I know) and came to the conclusion that this is probably the second to last chapter. Tommy's in prison for the next five years, Jonas is going to school & everything's alright, Angela and Jane are making up ... There will be one more chapter for now, as a conclusion, unless you guys want me to write anything specific? Let me know in the comments or through a PM. **

**Don't worry, one more (extra long!) one coming up. Love you all!**


	24. Epilogue

The grave is small, almost unnoticeable if you're not actively looking for it. A vase - probably not bigger than Jane's hand - stands at the side of the path, holding a single white flower.

"Here," Maura's voice is soft. She points towards the gray stone, letting go of her wife's hand. "This is hers."

Jane inhales shakily, inhaling a cold December air before turning towards the small stone.

 _Ryleigh Davis, 29  
"Remember me with smiles and laughter  
for that is how I will remember you all  
if you can only remember me with tears  
don't remember me at all."_

The brunette doesn't want to cry. She doesn't want this woman, now buried in the ground beneath her feet, to still have an effect on her after so many years. Right before the shooting, Jane thought she was finally over it. Ryleigh hadn't crossed her mind in months, finally, ten years after they parted ways.

Tears are now streaming steadily down her cheeks, but she doesn't make a sound. That is, until a gentle arm wraps around her waist, offering silent support.

The first sob startles the both of them, and Jane immediately covers her mouth with her hand.

Maura squeezes her wife's side, but doesn't speak. This is not the time and place, she knows. She feels Jane take another breath.

"I'm sorry," the brunette's voice is constricted with tears. "I'm sorry, Ry. It wasn't supposed to end like this."

Maura doesn't say it's not Jane's fault. Her wife knows by now, although she still doesn't fully believe it. But at least she knows.

"I thought for a long time that it was my fault you left. My fault you started dealing, way back in high school. But we both know it wasn't."

The blonde closes her eyes, shivering at the incredible sadness radiating from Jane's body. Realizing this is the only time Jane will let herself go, knowing there's no one around but Maura, and that they have all the time in the world. If Jane wants to stay right here for the rest of the day, Maura won't complain.

"I just wish I could've been there for you," Jane catches herself, "that you would've let me be there for you. It was just a stupid fight between the two of us. The way best friends have those." She trails off, staring at the four lines of text on the gravestone, unable to continue.

Maura does it for her. Because there's still more to say.

"I've always liked you, Ryleigh. You, Frost and Jane were the first people I got to know at Fenway. Even now, after the shootout, I don't blame you. You kept my wife safe, you didn't hurt her. I don't blame you for anything." Maybe her response is a little bit for Jane as well. The brunette sucks in a breath, and Maura falls silent immediately.

"You know I don't believe in ghosts, Ry, but I know you're out there somewhere," Jane whispers, pausing like she's waiting for an answer that will never come. "I'm not gonna cry over you anymore," she adds, straightening her back and wiping the tears from her cheek. "It's not going to change anything. Forgive me, Ryleigh, and I hope you're happy now. Wherever you are."

Jane kneels down and puts her hand on the ground, as if trying to connect with the spirit of her best friend. Maura lets her and waits, one supporting hand on her wife's shoulder.

Eventually, the brunette gets back up and looks at the grave one more time before turning to face her wife.

Maura pulls her into a hug, tight and warm and everything they both need. She feels Jane slip her hands underneath her winter coat and onto the skin of her back.

"I love you. I love you so much," she whispers into the brunette's ear, tightening her hold when her wife is about to pull back. "Tell me. Don't hide it," she adds firmly.

Jane shivers slightly. "Thank you for bringing me. I needed this."

Maura smiles. She knows.

..

..

Angela meets them at the front door when they get home. If she notices Jane's red rimmed eyes, she doesn't say anything about it.

They've just made up, they're not really fighting anymore. Angela isn't about to lose her daughter again to something stupid as red eyes from crying.

"Hey Jane, I was wondering if-"

The brunette puts her hand up immediately, stepping aside to let Maura pass, and meets her mother's eyes.

"One second, Ma," she shrugs out of her coat. "Where's Jonas?"

"In the living room," Angela answers. "We were playing a game. He made a drawing too. It was really good, Jane, and I didn't say anything to him you wouldn't have wanted me to say."

The brunette smiles shortly, not sure how to answer. She wants to see her son first. Angela follows her into the living room, where they find Maura hovering over Jonas' most recent creation. It's a drawing of the three of them, Jonas in the middle, and nearly the same as the past five drawings he's made.

"He's wonderful," Angela says, reaching out for her daughter but not actually touching her. Once Jane is satisfied, knowing that Jonas is fine and Maura's right there with him, she turns to her mother. "Thank you, Ma. For staying with him." _For not betraying my trust._

Angela smiles, looking away. She doesn't quite know what to say, until she thinks of something. "Oh, Jane," she meets the brunette's gaze, "I've thought about something. I want to take the three of you somewhere, with Constance too if you'll allow it. I haven't discussed it with her, because I wanted to ask you first. Somewhere in the beginning of January, I was thinking, maybe the seventh? Are you free then?"

The brunette feels in her pocket for her phone. "What day is that?"

"A Saturday."

Jane nods, looking up at her wife. "I think that's alright. Maur, do we have anything planned on January 7th?"

Maura tilts her head, waiting for her wife to remember, although she's pretty sure Jane has already forgotten with everything that has happened in between.

"Uhh," Jane hesitates. "Judging by the look she's giving me, I think I'm forgetting something."

Angela scoffs. "I'm hoping it's not some kind of date or anniversary."

"It might be, in a way," Maura thinks. "Depends on how you see it. The soccer game, Jane?"

Jane's mouth falls open. She immediately knows what her wife is referring to, and she has to admit that she's completely forgotten. They were going to see her old soccer team from Fenway High on January 7th, and she wanted to invite Audrey (something she still hasn't done).

"Fu-shit. No, darn it," she shoots a look at Jonas, but he hasn't heard, still too focused on his task. "I haven't invited Audrey yet. There's no way she's gonna be able to come now."

Maura looks at her wife. "Let's talk about this later, alright?"

"I'm sure we can figure out a different day," Angela says, reaching for her bag, getting ready to leave. Jane scratches her shoulder, a little uneasy. "I'm sorry, Ma."

"No honey! Go to wherever you're going."

The brunette looks at Maura, who knows exactly what her wife is going to ask before she does.

"Ma," Jane starts, "do you want to look after Jonas that day?"

The little boy has jumped off his chair and made his way over to Jane, holding out his hands like he wants to be lifted. The brunette complies, shifting him to her left hip and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Hey bud. Are you okay?"

"I like being with grandma," he replies. "But I missed you too, Mom." Jane's heart jumps at his small voice.

"I missed you too," Jane replies honestly, watching Angela. The older woman stands in the hallway, talking to Maura, and Jane feels a sting of guilt for being such an asshole towards her mother. But she deserved it, though, for a little while. "Show me your drawing."

She puts him down and he immediately reaches for her hand, pulling her towards the dining table.

..

..

Everyone shows up for New Year's. Maura has invited her mother, and Jane made sure that Frankie brought Angela.

Jonas is fast asleep on Maura's lap by eight thirty, and the blonde can't help but remember the day Jonas first came to their house. She remembers the way he had fallen asleep against her shoulder. _Like he already knew he'd stay here._ She glances around the room and meets familiar brown eyes.

"We should probably get him upstairs," Jane says softly. "I'll get him back here around 11:45."

Maura knows it's for the best, but can't help pressing a kiss to his forehead before Jane lifts him up. She looks at them, her wife and her son, unable to believe that this is now her life.

Jane stays true to her word and they all watch the fireworks together at twelve, celebrating the New Year.

It feels like a new start for everyone. Angela gets to have a second chance with her daughter and she'll get to know her grandson, while Frankie has a new nephew. Constance hasn't seen Jonas in a while and although meeting him isn't new for her anymore, this is the most time she's spent at their house. Maura thinks of the things they've been through, with rescuing Jonas, the shootout, their fights. The insecurities and late night worries about if it's worth it. It was.

And Jane?

She wraps her free arm around Maura's waist and presses a kiss to her cheek, while continuing to hold onto Jonas with her other hand.

Jonas isn't even afraid of the fireworks. He laughs and points up at the sky, just as a big one explodes, and the reflection flickers in his eyes. Maura gazes at him lovingly, and Jane looks at her wife, her expression nothing but affection and love. Frankie notices, and winks at Jane before pulling Jonas away from them and lifting him up into the sky. He giggles and wraps his arms around Frankie's neck, still smiling.

The brunette turns to Maura immediately. "We're not seventeen anymore," she whispers softly. "But I feel like I am right now."

"Jane."

"Yeah, Maur."

Two strong arms wrap around the blonde and Maura buries her head in the crook of her wife's neck, feeling whole.

"I'm so in love with you still. How is that possible?" she mumbles.

"You're the doctor," Jane chuckles. "You tell me."

"Mm," Maura replies, content. She wishes they could stay right here forever. The blonde pulls back to look into her wife's eyes, which are twinkling. "Will you be my New Year's kiss for the rest of my life?"

Her lips are immediately captured by Jane's, and that definitely answers Maura's question.

..

..

"I completely forgot about it, to be honest." Jane pushes a curl away from her face.

Maura smiles knowingly. "Of course you did. We had a hell of a month. A year, even."

"That sounds weird," the brunette laughs. "Coming out of your mouth." She nudges her wife playfully. "Anyway. It's too late to ask Audrey, right? The game is in a week."

Maura gives her wife a look and turns around, reaching for her phone on the counter.

The brunette looks at her suspiciously. "What did you do." She wraps her arms around Maura and tickles her, stealing the phone from her hand. "You did something. I can see it in your eyes."

Maura laughs. "Jane! Give that back. I'm trying to show you something."

"Fine," the brunette hands it over with a smile. "I'm not responsible for anything."

The blonde doesn't respond, but she's scrolling through her messages, looking for something. Eventually, she finds it, and hands the phone over to Jane.

 **From** _:_ Maura Isles _  
_ **To** _:_ Audrey (HS)

 _Hi Audrey, it's Maura here. I know we haven't spoken in a very long time, but there's something I want to ask. On January 7th, your old soccer team from Fenway High is playing the final round of the state championships. My mother bought four tickets for Jane and three others. She told me she wanted you to come, but she's either going to forget or ask you two days before. That's why I'm texting you now and I won't let her know anything, keep it as a surprise. The championships are in Boston this year, so if you could make it, I'd be happy to pick you up from the airport. Jane too, of course._

 _Maura_

 **From:** Audrey (HS)  
 **To:** Maura Isles

 _Hey Maura! It's good to hear from you again. You're right, we haven't seen each other since forever! I'd love to come to Boston and I'll make sure to arrange things right away. Definitely won't tell Jane anything, all credits to you. I'll send you the flight details later!_

 _Audrey_

Brown eyes flick up to meet hers. "Is this real?" Disbelief is evident in Jane's voice. "Are you serious? Is she really coming?"

"Yes," Maura smiles at her wife's reaction. "Audrey is coming. There's two more tickets left, so you can take Frost and Frankie too."

The brunette steps in and wraps her arms around Maura's waist. "Don't be stupid," she mumbles, unable to say much more due to her state of shock. "I'm taking you."

Now it's Maura's turn to be lost for words. Her wife's resolute answer makes her spine tingle. She remembers the tall, skinny brunette holding her just like this after a snow fight. Cold cheeks, tousled hair, and just as in love as she is right now. She would do anything to stay with this woman forever.

"But," she whispers against familiar lips. "Who's the fourth person if you're taking me?"

Jane pulls for a moment to think, only to find that the answer has been obvious all along.

"Frost," she replies. "It'll be the four of us again."

They stand like that until Jonas comes running into the kitchen. "Ma! School is tomorrow but I can't find my backpack." The two women separate and Jane bursts out laughing. "He's so me," she says to Maura. "I always lost everything." She then turns to Jonas. "Did you look in the closet in the hallway? Maybe Mom cleaned up your stuff because you left it somewhere." She winks at him before giving him a nudge.

Jonas runs off again, and it's not much later that they hear a " _Found it!"_ coming from the hallway.

"I really don't feel like going back to work," Jane sighs, plopping down on the couch. "All those murders. Can't they just stop? For, like, a month or two?"

Maura laughs softly, sitting down next to her wife.

"You wouldn't be yourself without your job," she says. "You know that."

The brunette turns to face her wife. "I'm pretty sure you'd enjoy another month off." She entwines their fingers on her thigh.

"It's tempting," Maura admits. "But I wouldn't."

"Hmm," Jane pretends to consider, leaning in to kiss the blonde's neck. "You'd say no to spending a whole month with me, alone? We'll have the house to ourselves when Jonas is at school..." She lets her hand travel up her wife's thigh and Maura's eyes flutter shut. "I don't think you'd say no to that."

Her wife hasn't found the words to respond, and Jane smiles. She loves that she can still have this effect on her wife. She pulls away, pressing a last kiss to Maura's cheek

Finally then, Maura says. "How do you even do that?"

Jane smiles cockily. "I'm a wonder woman."

"... in a Red Sox hoodie," the blonde adds, and Jane bursts out in laughter.

"This is why I married you, Maura Isles."

..

..

After the game has ended and the sun has set, the four friends find themselves on the top of Mission Hill, in the exact spot they were right before their senior year ended. Maura is resting her head on Jane's shoulder and they're holding hands. Sitting next to Jane is Audrey and opposite her is Frost, so they're in a small circle.

"That was incredible," Audrey speaks. "To see them win like that." Their old high school, Fenway High, won the state championships again, just like Jane and Audrey did years ago. Back when they were still teenagers, young and inexperienced. Not knowing where they'd be in ten years.

Now Jane and Maura are still together, _married,_ with their own son. Audrey is finally doing what she loves in California, and Frost is still Jane's partner in crime. Literally.

"Do you remember that time when-"

Frost starts talking and Maura joins in, but Jane doesn't join in. Right now, she's content to simply sit back and watch. Glancing at her friends and her wife, she realizes how grateful she is to be sitting here with the people she loves.

They made it. All of them. And Jane will stand by, protect and care for these people forever and a day.

..

* * *

 **This is it, guys. The end. I'm SO SORRY for how long it took, I obviously didn't mean for that to happen. This journey has been incredible and I'm so happy you all kept showing up to read and support this story, even with months between updates. There's loads more to come, other stories, one-shots, anything you can think of. I already have a one-shot written in this universe, so I might post that soon.**

 **Every single one of your reviews has kept me going. To everyone who's been leaving reviews every time I post, thank you so much, and to everyone else who left one review or two or everything in between, really, thank you too. I loved writing this. I'll always love writing Jane and Maura.**

 **Thank you. Thank you a thousand million trillion times (that's totally a number) for all your support! I will be back with more soon.**

 **x**


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